Those Huggies ads are such a joke!! They couldn't be further from reality. I had wanted to be pregnant for so long, and then I suffered SPD during the second 20wks. After doing three cycles of IVF and having an emergency c-sect, I felt guilty and inadequate. And for months after his birth, I seriously loathed the idea of being PG again. For a while the idea of having more children was abhorent to me.
I noticed that your DD is only 3months old. I don't mean to sound patronising, but perhaps with time you may change your mind? You never know. I know I feel differently now about being a SAHM and our plans for more children than I did 3 months ago.
Hopefully you can work out a balance that makes you happy!
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12-10-2012 11:03 #11
12-10-2012 11:15 #12Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
I work 4 days a month started when my girl was about 6 months...I enjoy the break..but miss her so much (until she bugs me)..being a mum can be hard/boring/annoying/blissful/fanatstic all in one day!!!
12-10-2012 12:10 #13
12-10-2012 12:53 #14
Hmm, DD is 5.5 and it hasn't "clicked" yet... guess there's something wrong with me!!
12-10-2012 12:58 #15
Firstly forget the guilt! It doesn't help your situation or help you be a better mum. My biggest advice to any mum is do what's best for you and your family. If you feel that doing some casual or part time work will make you happier as a person (there for being a happier mum!) then go for it.
In my situation i work part time and my 2 year old goes to a fantastic, high quality daycare centre and my 6 year old goes to after school care and vacation care which she loves. DH is supportive of me working and pitches in. As long as everyone is happy and thriving then everything is ok.
12-10-2012 13:08 #16
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12-10-2012 14:43 #17
I can definitely relate!! Becoming a mother was the complete opposite to being a totally fulfilling experience. The reality of it is so much different to the romanticized version. I realised pretty quickly that being a full time SAHM was not for me and I wanted many more things from my life. I also realised that part of my desire to have a baby probably came from a dissatisfaction with myself that I was interpreting as a need for a baby, when in fact there were other things I should have addressed first.
For the first 3 months after having DD I swore blind that I would never have another baby. BF didn't work out, DD was unwell, we stayed at tresillian twice and I had PND. I was never going to put myself or my marriage through that again.
But, now DD is 14mo and we're TTC again. I'm a lot wiser and realistic about what I expect of myself. I have some long term goals for myself outside of motherhood that I'll keep chipping away at.
I'm certainly not saying you'll change your mind about having more kids - stick with 1 if that's what works for you and makes you happy.
I guess what I'm saying is not to feel guilty about whatever you decide to do. It's good to be honest - parenting is tough!
12-10-2012 14:51 #18
You're not alone, even if you feel you are. I've been on the hub for 5 years and have read stories almost identical to yours ALOT. I was almost exactly the same (all except wanting kids... I never wanted kids).
Your DD is only very young, give it a year or 2 and you'll find that you love her even more than you do now and you'll *understand* motherhood a bit more. It certainly is not anything like the way it's chalked up to be, not in the early couple of years anyway.
My son is about to go to school and only in the last couple years have I felt I've truly overcome my son's traumatic birth and have settled into motherhood. Now, I love being a Mum .. And if you'd told me THAT when he was 1,2,3..12 months.. Well I would told you you were crazy lol
12-10-2012 16:24 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
12-10-2012 20:50 #20
DD has silent reflux and has struggled with feeding and sleeping since birth. I did manage to breastfeed for 3 months, but it was the most uncomfortable, annoying experience - I HATED it.
I had no idea it would be so hard to get a baby to fall asleep - that I was not prepared for. I know, I know, how naive and uneducated and clueless I was here, but I had no idea how much of a struggle it would be and how it still torments me every time DD only takes a cat nap or won't drink much of her bottle, I can't seem to get past it each time it happens, I get frustrated that yet again, no day or night has been perfect for us since DD was born. There's always a reason to be disillusioned by motherhood as it just hits home how ill prepared I actually was to be a mum.
I've never really had any hobbies or interests, which never mattered as I spent all of my time with my husband, friends and family and that was my hobby and my life. Yes I still catch up with all of these people, but I'm lacking something to keep me sane - something outside of DD.
We will have another child, but only because DD isn't likely to have cousins in the state we live in, and I grew up without cousins and hated it, so we want to give DD a brother or sister. I know it will be hard and draining, but I hope it's only a few years of pain for long term gain.
My pregnancy and labour weren't really that bad, but I will be dreading those first 6-7 months possibly more of a new bub as I don't enjoy being a mum as much as I thought I would.
I too love my DD with all of my heart and wouldn't have life any other way, but each day is a struggle. DH earns enough that I don't have to go back to work, but I do want to so that I can get a break from DD. I don't like having to hand control over her feeding and sleeping routines in the day to anyone else even though I trust my parents 100%, but going back to work is going to be just as hard.
Don't worry you aren't alone in your feelings at all! We can just all watch TV and cringe at those horrible huggies, formula and panadol commercials, and know that there are many other mums sitting there cringing too!
Last edited by CuddlesAwait; 12-10-2012 at 20:52. Reason: spelling errors
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