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  1. #1
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    Default Darling Stepdaughters 3rd Birthday!!!

    Hi all

    Need some advice here... It's almost my SD 3rd birthday and I am flying to where she and both parents live (sticky situation, I live in Perth during my pregnancy while they all live in Darwin) for her birthday. It's our turn to have her this year on that special day, as her mum had her last year.

    My DP has decided (after much prompting from me) to throw her a birthday party , however, without talking with me (the pregnant and over the top emotional one in the relationship) he has invited his ex (the mother of his daughter) and all her friends.

    I am unsure of how I am going to act around the mother, as last time I spoke to her (pre-pregnancy mind you) we had a huge argument, as she would not let me take my SD to the airport to pick up her Daddy!!! I am lucky in the fact that my best friend will be there and she knows me well enough to drag me away from a fight with the mother. I however don't want to ruin our (yes I consider her as much my daughter as the child inside me is mine) little girls birthday.

    Any advice on what I can do??? My DP sent the invites out without telling me so it is a bit late to withdraw them

    Thanks all!!!

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    Try to just smile and be polite. It's a tricky situation but I'd try to just imagine everything is fine, try not to anticipate something going on. And I always think in potentially unpleasant social situations if I'm polite, calm, reasonable and don't respond to rudeness then everyone will clearly see that it's *their* issue not *mine*

    If there is an issue..which there may not be!

    Good luck!

  3. #3
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    Hi OP,

    Whilst not ideal for you, i think that this is actually really nice for you DSD, that all the most important people in her life can put any if their own issues aside, and come together for her special day. I also think its quite mature of your DP to put whatever differences he has with gis ex aside, for the sake of his daughter... My brother and his ex still have ther chidrens birthday parties together and i really can see how much my nieces love having all grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins etc there together on their day....

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  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by smidget3004 View Post
    Hi all

    Need some advice here... It's almost my SD 3rd birthday and I am flying to where she and both parents live (sticky situation, I live in Perth during my pregnancy while they all live in Darwin) for her birthday. It's our turn to have her this year on that special day, as her mum had her last year.

    My DP has decided (after much prompting from me) to throw her a birthday party , however, without talking with me (the pregnant and over the top emotional one in the relationship) he has invited his ex (the mother of his daughter) and all her friends.

    I am unsure of how I am going to act around the mother, as last time I spoke to her (pre-pregnancy mind you) we had a huge argument, as she would not let me take my SD to the airport to pick up her Daddy!!! I am lucky in the fact that my best friend will be there and she knows me well enough to drag me away from a fight with the mother. I however don't want to ruin our (yes I consider her as much my daughter as the child inside me is mine) little girls birthday.

    Any advice on what I can do??? My DP sent the invites out without telling me so it is a bit late to withdraw them

    Thanks all!!!
    I think that it will be good for you DSD if her parents can get along to host events like this. I think it's something that you need to deal with as when she gets older she's not going to choose to have 2 separate events for everything. If you don't get along then don't converse with her. If it's that much of a problem... I guess don't go.

    As much as you see her as your daughter (and she is) birth mother trumps step mother. Sorry

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    quite simple...don't ruin her party.

    Respect that bio mum is her mum and don't try and take over.

    Be polite to everyone and treat her as you want to be treated.

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    I think the most difficult thing will be is that both myself and biological mother are pregnant...

  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by smidget3004 View Post
    I think the most difficult thing will be is that both myself and biological mother are pregnant...
    thingss in common just grit your teeth, smile and be polite and count down the hours til she goes home. it would be frustrating for you that your dp invited her without your knowing so but just try to remember that you are doing this for your
    lkttle girl. its her day and im sure she will have a blast being around andcelebrating with all the people in her life that she loves. sorry you are in this posittion. big hugs.

    ps. im sorry i gate crashed your thread (im not a step parent) but i just wanted to help and thojght id give you some hugs too. sorry.

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  10. #8
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    Default Re: Darling Stepdaughters 3rd Birthday!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by smidget3004 View Post
    I think the most difficult thing will be is that both myself and biological mother are pregnant...
    That could be a good thing! is the mums partner also attending?

    Talk about pregnancy stuff, how are you feeling, when's your next/last scan, how gross is the glucose test etc. Not saying be best buddies but there's enough polite conversation being both pregnant to get by without awkwardness.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using BubHub

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    Not a step-parent, but it sounds like a good step in the right direction.

    My only advice would be that you need to let your DP 'host', even if you let him know what he needs to do discretely, as long as it's not perceived to be your event by her or her friends.

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  13. #10
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    I don't mind being polite and everything, but we have never really spent much time together... I doubt she would want to sit and chat about being pregnant with the one woman in the world that she absolutely despises... She has this mind set about my DP, "no one can have him but me, yet I don't want him at all"!!! Makes things very difficult and tense whenever we are in the same room... Always has. And we have been doing this for almost 2 years now!!!

    I guess that I am glad I will have some of my friends there to support me and keep me from ruining my angels birthday... Luckily my best friend knows me really well and has already decided to take on the task of keeping me busy.

    It just seems like an impossible task atm as I am suffering from ante natal depression because my DP and I are in different states and this is the last chance I get to spend with him and our girl before the family gets bigger!!! That and I am worried that DP won't be here when I give birth... I also want my DSD to meet the new addition not long after it is born but that won't b happening...

    Sorry, just need to rant and rave and get everything out somehow, as my family are supportive but not very good listeners and I am too embarrased to tell DP


 

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