Question, do your family come over unannounced via the back gate, without really knocking at the front door. I say not really knocking as the dog didn't hear it and we all know dogs will always run to the front door.
I would never do this unless I was expected and the house I was visiting had said just come round the back. If I was unannounced and noone answered the door but both cars where in the drive I would call and say I'm out the front.
I feel that it is a lack of respect for me and my house, pls keep in mind I don't have the best relationship with my mother, and she always oversteps any boundaries that I put up as I am the daughter and she is the mother. She has the mentality that as she is the mother she can do whatever she likes as she is always correct. There is no reasoning with her believe me! It's not just me, but my brothers feel this too.
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08-10-2012 17:19 #1
08-10-2012 17:32 #2
Firstly - Grrrr to people coming over unannounced. This is my pet hate. I can't even begin to explain how much this $hits me.
I have just been through this with a family member and have compromised that having him drop in unannounced is better than fighting over something relatively small.
However, your situation is a little different - it appears you are ok with the unannounced drop in so long as they don't go via the back door... It's tough when parents over step the mark - they think they have different rules for them because they are parents - my dad thinks that my 'unannounced visitor' rules shouldn;t apply to him because he's family.
At the end of the day for me it has just become something not worth fighting over. But, I came to that conclusion after a massive fight.
Pick your battles OP - is it worth the drama? Often these things are generational beliefs more than anything else.
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08-10-2012 17:57 #3
Oh dear... Doesn't she think maybe you're hanky panky in the bedroom?? I'd walk out naked or better get DH to walk out naked! She won't walk in unannounced after that!
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08-10-2012 18:06 #4
I am ok with some people coming over unannounced but not others. I wouldn't rock up to a friends house without calling first but I am close with some family members and I have done it (to my mum or sisters). But if I had voiced my concern about it and they still did it I would be very annoyed.
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08-10-2012 18:10 #5Senior Member
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- Sep 2005
Lock the gate.
I only think this is ok as long as the person you are visiting has made it clear its ok, otherwise it's a bit rude.
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08-10-2012 20:13 #6Senior Member
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- May 2005
Yep, lock the gate with a padlock. If they ask why just say you suspect someone waa in the yard one night
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08-10-2012 20:22 #7-
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I don't really mind if my parents turn up unannounced, generally speaking there are children here so hardly going to be any middle of the day hanky panky going on and if my kids aren't here, it is because my parents have them and we are getting a break so they aren't going to turn up unannounced.
We turn up unannounced to my parents all the time. Only thing is they live in an apartment on the 9th floor and you need to buzzed in so they can ignore us if they want to!!
I also have a friend who turns up unannounced sometimes...only if she is having a hard time or needs to talk to me urgently, and I do it to her too. It's no problem, we just have that kind of friendship and it's not all the time.
Growing up we wouldn't knock on my aunty's door...we'd just walk on in, whether she knew we were coming or not. I still never knock on her door. I live an hour away now so never turn up unannounced but it would be so weird to actually knock on her door because I've only ever done it if her door was locked.
Of course my parent's don't overstep their boundaries either...new baby etc. they always checked before coming incase we were sleeping or wanting some alone time, I keep a rough track of my dad's shifts cause he is a shift worker so we don't just rock up when he is on night shift and disturb his sleep.
I wouldn't turn up unannounced if it wasn't okay though....that sucks, like my old boss who lived a street away and would come and knock on my back fence loudly and yell out to me that she needed me at work that day....on my day off. She was a biatch!!!!!
08-10-2012 21:09 #8
08-10-2012 21:22 #9
Thanks guys, Firstly I thought I was over reacting as there is alot of history there, but I was so annoyed as I would never do that, not even my closest friends would just come round the back uninvited. I just feel that she never respects anything we kids ask and I've had enough. I know she is a very difficult woman and is never willing to listen to things if they don't suit her or even compromise. Yes underlying issues my brothers and I have with her. PP we wanted to set up some small boundries for her now so when bubs comes she isnt coming over all the time, so i hear you when you sat pick your battles, but believe me, alot have been let go for many years.
Padlock it is or a naked DH
09-10-2012 14:44 #10
I'm not a fan of unannounced visitors. My family never do it...it's no effort at all to send a quick text message checking if it's a good time to drop in. It's just common sense! For their sake as well as yours - if they come over and you're not home then they've wasted a trip. Don't feel bad about it.
The only people that ever visited DH & I unannounced were his parents. I just found it so rude. They did it once at a really inconvenient time and when I asked them to please call first next time, they went off their heads . I was upset at first but then I thought "Whatever!"
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