Does anyone have any suggestions here?
I am having a hard time in trying to focus on the here and now of "life as it is" in the TTC journey. Hating my work situation (but at this point in time, can't leave for obvious reasons). I have put a lot of my usual interests on hold because I don't want to plan something (expensive) that I potentially can't follow through with. That also includes things like holidays!
I waited until I was finished a lot of important things before we started TTC (a bit of a bucket list). Now they are all over and I am a bit lost, because I just though I'd be pg within a few months and then the rest of my life plans would magically fall into place!
I'm now realising that we could be TTC for ages and I'll be stuck in limbo land for goodness knows how long. It's really not doing my mental state any good!
I am seeing my GP for a health check up and physiological support for TTC, and a counsellor to work out some mental strategies. Being proactive is helping, but I am still struggling over not being able to control an outcome - even when trying really hard. We're only into our 5th month, but it feels like forever - especially when everyone around me seems to be having "oops" babies!
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08-10-2012 12:27 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Dealing with "the rest of life" when TTC
08-10-2012 12:47 #2
I know exactly how you feel. We ttc for 7 years and the putting life on hold part was the hardest. We changed countries twice because we did not know what we wanted and could not make any permanent decisions regarding our life. Do what you are doing and talk to your gp for psychological guidance and perhaps talk to your friends and let them know know what you are going through.
Good luck with it all x
Last edited by babycake; 08-10-2012 at 12:49.
08-10-2012 12:52 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
Definitely know what you mean. We've been TTC for around 19-20mths now, and the life on hold element has been very hard to deal with.
The best advice I can give (as given to me by the IVF counsellors I have seen) is to NOT put life on hold. Keep doing everything you want to do for as long as you can do it, and then make alternative plans when you get pregnant.
I wish we'd done that, as I have a lot of resentment for the fact that I gave up favourite activities, and missed out on things for such a long time with nothing to show for it. If I could do it over then I wouldn't do that.
Hope you don't have to wait too much longer though.
08-10-2012 13:03 #4
Best thing I did (for me) when TTCing for 2 years was to not hold off on things we wanted to do. After a year of not eating bad stuff or not drinking or planning holidays, I was making myself miserable as it was all I could think of.
For me I had to get on with life again and just do whatever it was that I normally did and if I happened to fall pregnant then I would stop eating the brie and having the wine then.
Denying everything because I thought I would fall quickly just meant I had nothing else to focus on. So we planned holidays, I started a business and just went about as normal (of course always aware of when we needed to DTD) but it helped me to cope with no being pregnant each month.
The other thing was was that we both got checked out....him for his swimmers and me for all teh girly stuff to make sure we didnt have any hidden hinderances as well.
Wish you all the best....the TTC journey sucks so bad sometimes
08-10-2012 13:04 #5
Hi Falkor. I'm sorry that you are having trouble. My husband and I have been TTC for 19 months now and it is still hard. It's great that you're seeing a Dr and also a counsellor, hopefully that does help to make things a little easier. I found that when we started having tests, and startedfertility treatment, I was a litte less anxious about it all as I knew exactly what was happening with my body.
My advice would be don't put off on planning holidays and fun things! You can still have fun, and go on holidays when you are pregnant. You may be a little more restricted but the possibility of being pregnant shouldn't put you off planning a holiday.
What is your age group? They say that it generally takes 6 months for a healthy couple to conceive anyway, it can be longer the older you are though.
It's so frustrating for us, who are struggling with TTC to see people having the "opps" babies all around us. *hugs*
08-10-2012 13:20 #6
DH and I were TTC for 5 years before we fell pregnant so I know how you feel. Our journey took us down the IVF/ICSI path with 5 transfers before we got a sticky one.
Agree with the PP that the best thing to do is not put off things you want to do. If you hate your job then you need to change, government PPL will still be available to you as long as you have worked the minimum number of hours. A stressful unenjoyable job certainly doesn't help when TTC. My other advice would be that if you start stressing whether everything is 'normal' or not then get a referral to a fertility specialist and get checked out. The best case is that everything is fine, worst case is that you have picked up early on any problems.
08-10-2012 14:33 #7
I feel like I'm in a similar situation to you, we are TTC #2 (believe me, it isn't any easier!) We conceived our beautiful DS 4 years ago after only one month of trying, but this time it is over 6 months already.
We didn't begin to TTC again until this year because we wanted our kids to be at least 3 years apart in age. But now I'm worried they will be so far apart in age that they won't enjoy each other.
I have held back from looking for permanent work because I assumed that I would be pregnant or have a new baby by now.
I stopped running because I thought it was "too strenuous" but I've just started again due to gaining 7kgs & feeling very depressed about it!
What the others have said is right, you should really try to not stop your life for TTC! I know how hard it is, I literally feel like my life is on hold right now. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me
08-10-2012 15:29 #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Thanks guys, it is so helpful to read your responses.
Becca...we are both 33 - so not ancient, but I'm wary that time is ticking away.
My GP was great. She's organised a day 21 progesterone & sperm analysis to be done this month, so that is a good starting point. I suspect I have a LPD...but will talk more about that once they confirm I *am* actually ovulating.
I am actually taking a break from my expensive hobby whilst establishing a small business. Of course, the plan was that during pregnancy/mat leave it would be a great time to transition from wage earner to sole trader...now I could end up doing 2 jobs for longer than I thought (not necessarily a bad thing...but not what I intended). My main employer offers excellent mat leave on top of the federal scheme, so it seems silly to throw that away? I'm not sure if is ttc stress affecting work, or work affecting ttc? Or both?
My main passion, eventing, is not something I intend on doing whilst pregnant (going fast on a horse, jumping over fixed timber is a somewhat risky activity, yes?!). I am having a hard time getting enthused by it though, knowing that I may have to quit for a while. Preparing for competitions takes months of hard work & $$$, so I need to be commited 100% to do it properly. There's other things I can do, but they don't completely fill the gap!
I have made huge changes in my life to physically/financially/mentally be "ready" to start a family. Now I'm ready, it seems my body isn't!!
Last edited by Falkor; 08-10-2012 at 17:30.
08-10-2012 15:57 #9
Wow, This thread is so timely for me also!! Good luck to all of us undergoing the stressful process of TTC.
One thing I would recommend is careful what you use to distract yourself from TTC. Once the distraction is gone, life hits you again very hard. After my chemical pregnancy, to distract ourselves we bought our first home. Now we're moved in, the excitement of Mum & Dad visiting is over and I've thrown myself into work big time. After an incident with one of the bosses, which is now sorted, I ended up having a breakdown last Thursday and the GP has recommended I take all this week off work to learn how to relax and remember how to enjoy hobbies again.
We are slightly different in our TTC journey in that it is not a month-to-month process for us, instead it a fertility treatment cycle-by-cycle. We aren't intending to do our next cycle until early next year.
08-10-2012 16:07 #10
whoops, double post (sorry)
Last edited by Tropical Bub; 08-10-2012 at 16:08. Reason: double post
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