I had to post this on here as I was devastated by something my 4yo son said tonight, I am too embarrassed to talk to any of my friends about it, and I know my husband would just get mad.
I was undressing my 1yo son for his bath, and in the background my 4yo said "hold his head down." When I turned around and asked what he meant he replied "hold his head down in the bath so he drowns."
I calmly told my 4yo that it was not a nice thing to say and the he should never say anything like that OR do anything like that. I also asked him who told him something like that but he said no-one told him.
I have always had to watch my 4yo with his little brother. He has been known to push him over or play rough with him, or generally just do sneaky things to make him cry.
I am just not sure where to go with this.
Comments, opinions, ideas welcome.
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05-10-2012 19:28 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
Worried about something my 4yo said.
05-10-2012 19:43 #2
If it a once off thing I wouldn't be too worried as sometimes 4 yr old come out with these things.
05-10-2012 19:44 #3
I'm sorry I couldn't read and not reply.
Firstly hugs. xxx
I think you should tell your hubby and talk about people and organisations you may be able to seek help from.
Telling your hubby will be hard but it's not fair for you to carry this yourself.
05-10-2012 19:46 #4
It's true 4 year olds do come up with and say things, they are still developing.
I do think telling DH is important, to share our concerns and sometimes men can put things into perspective.
05-10-2012 19:53 #5
My brother once told my mum to throw me over the fence when I was a baby. I think kids say random stuff, I wouldnt be too worried unless it becomes a regular thing. Hugs for your worry
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05-10-2012 20:23 #6
Does he go to kinder? It's amazing what they pick up in the playground! It's a disturbing thing to hear, but it does sound like the sort of thing a 4 year old would come up with. My 5 year old DS often taunts DD (nearly 12 months), it's pretty normal (and annoying!!). He has occasionally said things sort of along the lines of what your DS said, I just remind him that it's not a nice thing to say and carry on without giving it much unnecessary attention (he often does stuff to get a reaction from me).
05-10-2012 21:10 #7
i think as long as you and hubby are aware and like you say, watch when they are together it's fine. siblings do and say horrible things to each other and i'm sure it's that he doesn't actually realise the concept of what he was saying.
do you have pets? know it's odd but that is a good indication of when to worry - if he is violent or abusive towards them then seek help. if you don't have pets, get him one so he has something to take care of (and take the focus off the baby) even a goldfish!
try not to worry
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05-10-2012 21:33 #8
I don't think a 4 yr old would have the concept of death or understand the consequences of drowning a sibling. He probably picked it up from tv or someone else... could even have been a joke he's taken out of context. I do agree you should tell DH, he might be able to build on responsibility and the men perspective of taking care of siblings/mum ecc...
I would tho watch him around baby, he might not realize what he's doing and actually harm the baby.
Maybe ask him would you like if someone said that to you? Or would you want someone to do that to you? That might give him a different perspective...
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05-10-2012 21:37 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
Gosh even I feel like crying after reading that! How horrible for you to hear . Obviously keep a close eye but the others are probably right that it's just one of those things a four year old would say - particularly as a means of dealing with the feelings he has about a shift in his parents' attention.
Poor you My kids are the same age gap almost. My older dd has her way of dealing with her feelings too.
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05-10-2012 21:42 #10-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
I'd be open and honest with your hubby... And I would chat with your GP and see what they think. They might be able to refer you to a child physchologist who can have a friendly chat with your 4 year old.. To confirm there aren't any bigger issues at play. Years ago had a young neighbour about 4 years old that killed the family pet by drowning it in the toilet. Then said "I killed it" when telling people about it at preschool. Anything's possible, better safe than sorry.
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