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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2009

    Default Worried for a friend - need advise- please help ??

    Hi guys,

    Not sure if im posting this in the right place i have no idea where i would put this topic...

    Anyway this is why i am worried for my friend:

    first ill give yous a little bit about the situation she comes from Australia but for the past 9 years she has been living in the UK she has been with her partner for about 2 years now but they broke up for about 3 months beginning of this year she came back to Aus for about 2 months then went back to see if they could work things out well they did she has always told me when she starts a family she wants to raise her kids here in oz but i dont think her partner is keen for that & this is where this problem starts:

    well she rang me a few months ago & told me that her & her partner are going to TTC i was really happy for her she told me she went off the pill & i told her everything i knew as i was TTC as about 2 years agoi was ttc & it took me 9 months to conceive my little boy & also had a m/c, so just told her my experience with ttc, she was counting her periods worked out when she would ovulate etc..

    she rang me about a month ago & told me she had done a test & it was positive she was so happy & i was very happy for her aswell, for the 1st 2 weeks she was so excited asking me question about being preg & giving bith etc.

    then all of a sudden i got a text to call her she didnt sound very happy on the phone she said now they dont know what to do bout the baby as they still wanna travel, get a house & still come to oz for a little while... so now the last 2 weeks she doesnt know what to do about it all

    ok this is why im worried: why would a person who wanted a baby to do everything to ttc with knowing when you ovulate, positions etc.. now doesnt know if they want it... im soo ****ed off with her at the moment but i just dont know what to say without losing my friendship with her?? i personally feel like her partner is pressuring into not having the baby now.. with them still wanting to travel & get a house you can still do that with a baby you might not be able to do everything you wanted but still most things....

    i know this is really bad for me saying this but its strange that she was saying to me now they dont know if they want the baby now & about a week ago she said she was having really bad like period pains & the doctor thought it might be ectopic pregnancy now i dont wanna think that she would be lying bout it but it does sound strange that since they are rethinking it that this now happens? you dont have to tell me how disgusting it is of me for thinking that cos i already feel that way.. when she went to hospital they gave her a scan they said everything is going ok, but she told me last night that she is still having these pains & that she hates being this sick... nobody likes the morning sickness of pregnancy but its all apart of the wonderful us woman can do, she doesnt seem to be saying anything positive about it now & it concerns me i just dont want her to be pressured into it then regret it

    i know this is so long & its prob so confusing for everyone as its so confusing to me aswell im just so so annoyed with her.. also what is annoying me is that it only took her 2 months to fall preg after stopping the pill & she goes to me we didnt think it would happen that quick as we still wanna do few things.. thats bulls**t you can miss 1 pill & it can happen it can happen at anytime..

    OMG i'm so annoyed i could use other naughty words but i wont hehe im just annoyed aswell with there are so many couples out there that have been ttc for a very long time & my friend does this, you would think she would realise how silly it sounds to me as i was trying for a while & had a m/c she seen me go through all that grrrr, she found out she was preg at 4 weeks next week she will be 8 weeks why havent they don anything about it if you are rethinking it now.. i think she wants to have the baby but her partner doesnt want it... dunno what to do... can someone please help me with what can i say to her to make her realise how stupid she sounds without losing my friendship with her???

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    wow first of all I do have the same feeling she might be bull****ing u because it doesn't add up. On the other hand you are only hearing her, the partner might be pressuring her either way hence all the confusion. Also I can sort of understand how they might have thought of ttc but happened quick, tho its very immature and irresponsible I've heard it before. I think you need to clearly state your concern, if she's in a bad spot with the partner to say so, otherwise I'd tell her that babies are not disposable tissues, you can't just get rid of a child because you changed your mind! I mean you can but she'll probably regret it for the rest of her life. She might just feel overwhelmed with the pregnancy and hormones still not a good reason to have second thoughts... in my opinion anyway...

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Sounds like you're a bit p*ssed off about the whole thing. It must be hard to feel like your friend doesn't appreciate her pregnancy when you had to try for so long before conceiving.

    I think that there are two separate issues here. One is your own feelings - your emotional reaction seems quite strong to me. The second is whether she is making choices that are best for her life. From your post, I'm not exactly sure which of these issues you're trying to tackle, but I can suggest that it will be easier for you to genuinely help her if you can deal with your own anger first.

    She probably already knows that she's being indecisive on this and I bet she's finding that hard. Just listening to her and letting her talk is the best way for her to get clear and take whatever steps she wants to take. Are you able to do that, or would you find it too annoying? If it's just too frustrating for you, that's understandable and I would leave it to someone else to help her.

    In any case, wait until you're not so angry before talking to her if you want to keep the friendship on good terms.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I know from being pregnant and from threads on here that the emotions of becoming a parent for the first time, and the hormonal factors can make women confused, depressed and scared. Perhaps the between the stress from her pregnancy, being away from her friends and family and her home country not to mention the issues with her partner she must be so incredibly overwhelmed and maybe scared for her future.

    Could she have prenatal depression? It sounds like she is trying to reach out to you to confess these feelings she has...

    I hope when she is sharing her feelings with you, she isn't picking up on your judgements, because prenatal depression can get serious, and she may not feeling like she has anyone to confide in anymore.

    I think you should be her friend, listen to her, be empathetic, give advice as needed, and quit judging her so harshly. Maybe you should considering asking her how she feels, how her partner is, and if everything is ok in her relationship to find out if you can offer support her in this time...
    Last edited by Luna Lovegood; 05-10-2012 at 14:10.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Luna Lovegood For This Useful Post:

    Cdro  (05-10-2012)


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