Having some issues with dh at the moment, got a beautiful little girl who is 3, and at the moment things are like an emotional roller coaster, one minute my dh is happy and the next he is cranky and saying he is fed up. Have seriously considered leaving our marriage we have been together 8 years and married for 6. Its been great until our daughter really started talking more. Now she seems to make him cranky at stupid things, and other times he laughs if she says or does the same thing.
I dont want to walk out on something that is really special but at the same time, talking isnt getting me anywhere. Im happy to sit and talk but he is like an ostrich. Goes of or stops talking with me, and then when he gets home from work or going out he acts like everything is fine and doesnt really want to talk about it. I almost wish if its our marriage thats bothering him, even though it would really hurt if he wanted to leave that he would just say I think we should have a trial seperation, or I want to seperate. I guess I just wish I knew where I stood. At the moment all I feel is sick to the stomach. Anytime I think about it I just feel sick, and really dont want to do anything.
Any advice appreciated, I should point out I am happy with our family I dont want to walk out if I can avoid it, I just want to find out whats going on with him so I know if its something that can be worked on, or if its something that he needs to see a doctor about.
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03-10-2012 14:03 #1Junior Member
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- Oct 2012
Need someone to talk to and vent
03-10-2012 14:14 #2
My gut feeling as I read your post is that your husband may very well be suffering from depression or some similar condition. If you've tried talking with him about it and he doesn't respond then it can be hard to help him. I dont' believe you need to leave and if anything, if he is suffering from depression then the last thing he needs is you walking out on him. I have been through the exact same thing (I was the one with depression) and my DH got through to me with much love and understanding. I am now on anti depressants and have been feeling so much better since my last episode which was almost a year ago.
All I can suggest is calmly sit him down and let him know that you can see that something is bothering him. Ask him if it's you or your baby girl. He will more than likely say no so then ask him what is bothering him. Ask him what you can do to make things easier for him. It may not work the first time you try talking to him so don't get frustrated. Let him know that you are there for him. Let him know that if he feels that things are becoming too much for him there is help out there for him. Don't push him ... just be patient and I'm sure he'll come around.
03-10-2012 14:36 #3
Great advice from FTM. It does sound like he is having some bad mood swings. Is there anything going on in his life that might be on his mind, work/health/family problems? Is he usually a talkative person, or someone who finds it difficult to talk about emotions?
Think about what you want to say to him, then pick your moment carefully, when he seems to be on an 'up' and might be more receptive to a chat, and less likely to be defensive. Keep it light, make it about him as in "I'm worried, you don't seem happy, what can I do to help?". It might even be easier if you have these conversations in short bursts, rather than sitting down and having a big deep & meaningful. Ask, let him respond, then the next day say 'Remember yesterday you said xyz, I've been thinking..."
I too have been through depression and i cringe sometimes when i think of what DH must have put up with, i was a very unpleasant person to live with for quite a while there.
But I think that is a good starting point, and if after some time you don't seem to be getting anywhere, then you can come up with a plan B.
03-10-2012 15:03 #4
hi, i agree with both Gothel and FTM. There needs to be some open and gentle communication between you and your hubby, just trying to get him to open up about what is troubling him. If you dont feel comfortable with this, is there someone else, his father , or brother , best friend,?? who maybe able to share with him in a more casual situation. Like a fishing trip or something, and try to get him to atleast see that he is causing you hardship with his moods. There is no need to bring in a councillor or mediator, just someone on a friendly basis so you can reach out to him, and make him aware that you want to help, and you are concerned about him. Marie.
17-10-2012 11:34 #5Junior Member
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- Oct 2012
Thanks for those that replied, happy to say (well happier) my husband yesterday when he was feeling sick and had another day of work. That he is feeling really depressed about work, and has often thought about crashing his car on the way home from work or running into the back of a truck. So happier that he has said whats going on and hoping we can work something out so that he gets better within himself.
He did have a friend once who we could both talk to and was good for chatting about anything but he has passed away and neither one of us has found anyone to talk to about it.
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