Hi everyone for those who don't know me my name is Lisa and I have 3 children a little girl who is 8, a little boy who is 6 and wee little bubby boy who is 6 weeks old. After DD started prep when DS1 was 3 we decided to try for baby number 3 and fell pregnant the 2nd month of trying with twins sadly they didn't survive the first trimester and i lost them at 7 weeks. I was a emotional wreck but it didn't put me off having another baby so we didn't actively try to get pregnant but we didn't try to prevent it either and it was only 2 periods after my D&C that i found out i was pregnant again but it was during my first appointment with my Ob that it was discovered i had had a missed miscarriage. After this i didn't want to try again for a while so fast forward a year filled with healthy eating, exercising with a 15kg weight loss i finally felt ready to try again and once again we fell on the 2nd month. I started spotting at 5 weeks, then 7 weeks but scans were all good then at 10 weeks it started again and blood tests and eventual scan showed a healthy baby but also a pool of blood underneath the placenta. At 16 weeks i suffered a bad anal fissure and had surgery to correct it i chose to have a spinal block for this as i was told it was safer for bub then going under. I got a infection a few days after surgery and ended up in hospital again on morphine. My 22 week morphology scan showed we were having a healthy baby boy, and i relaxed a bit as all through this pregnancy i was thinking for sure i would lose this baby i even bought a doppler to monitor him. At 32 weeks i was diagnosed with Cholestasis which if isn't monitored and treated right can cause stillbirth which i was convinced was going to happen, It didn't. So now we are in present time and i am obsessed with SIDS constantly looking up things on it trying to find something to put my mind at ease as i am now convinced this will happen. We have him sleeping on a babysenseII monitor under his mattress and i have ordered a Snuza Hero monitor just to be safe when he isn't in bed,we sleep him in grobags and i still cant sleep i am constantly waiting for him to get taken away from me. I keep fighting all these thoughts that the only reason i feel this way is because my mothers intuition is telling me it will happen, i am a emotional wreck and i am exhausted, I am seeking medical help and am seeing my Dr tomorrow to get a referral to a psychiatrist but was wondering if other mothers have gone through this
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01-10-2012 23:01 #1
01-10-2012 23:56 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Sorry you are going through this. I havent gone through any losses, however I did go through being obsessed with SIDS and being scared to wake up one day to find that my baby had suffered from SIDS.
After a while I realised that I was doing everything according to the SIDS guidelines and the chances of SIDS are quite small. If you are doing everything you can to prevent SIDS, there isnt anything else you can do except relax.
I also posted this thread
It may be worth a read, especially my update at the end.
Again, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you get the help you are after.
02-10-2012 10:40 #3Junior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
ohh my goodness... i am feeling your pain while reading this. You have had so much loss so it would only be natural for you to feel so scared. You should be so proud of yourself that you want to try and do something to help yourself by seeing a doctor and therapist.
But give yourself time, and give yourself the permission to know it is okay to feel scared. I think every parent feels scared and a little anxious, this is what make us human.
Trust yourself and have faith in yourself that you are doing everything you can to help your little boy and children be the best people they can be. By talking about it more with someone else will hopefully relive some of your anxieties and give you a little peace.
You mothers intuition is to protect your little man the best way you can. For this, you are the best parent and mum!
Take care of yourself and good luck with the therapist. If I can help in any other way just pop me an email or something xo
04-10-2012 19:15 #4
Thank you for your replies, since my original post i have been to both the Dr for anti anxiety meds and a psychologist. I got my husband to come along with me so he could hear the full extent of my fears and he is now helping me with the tools the therapist gave me to get through anxious moments. So i am now taking things one day at a time and continuing on with regular therapy appointments
08-11-2012 19:43 #5
Well yesterday I "graduated" from therapy. I am a completely different person who went into this, I sleep better, I spend my time enjoying my baby and now instead of thinking he is going to die of SIDS I am imaging taking him to the zoos and aquariums next year on the family holiday we are going on and I am still scared it will happen but I know I am doing everything right and I have the monitors on him so if something does go wrong I will fight like hell to save him. I am also heading a committee to organise a fundraising event for SIDS and Kids in my home town next year. So I feel good about myself as a mother and wife these days and just want to say to anyone who reads this post because they are feeling anxious themselves and aren't sure on what to do, to go to the Dr ask for help it doesn't make you a bad mother! I honestly believe my husband taking me to seek help saved me.
09-11-2012 11:12 #6
Oh wow, I am so happy to hear this! When I saw the title of your thread ('Postnatal anxiety') I had to read it because I have OCD and have struggled with anxiety my whole life, especially throughout both my pregnancies and at various times afterwards - even now things set me off, even though I have good mental support.
I'm really pleased to hear you saw a psychologist and your wonderful hubby was so supportive. I bet you did cognitive behavioural therapy, right? That's what my psychologist does for me and it's such a help. It's not easy and it takes constant work and vigilance to make sure I don't slip back into old mental habits, but it's made a big difference. SIDS worried me more with my first child but this time around it was whooping cough - I was OBSESSED and absolutely terrified that it was going to claim my darling boy. He recently had his 6m shots so I'm not worried anymore, but it was really hard in those early days. I was frozen with fear at times - literally, I couldn't move, and I didn't want to leave the house some days or let anyone else hold him.
As someone who battles with anxiety, I'm really proud of you for taking control of your mental health. I don't know you, but the fact you did this means you know how important it is for your family's wellbeing to look after yourself and that is one thing that makes you a good mum. Well done and go enjoy your beautiful children!
20-04-2013 00:15 #7
Hi again everyone, well in a few days my little one will be 8 months old and it has 5 months since I "graduated" from therapy and I am happy to say I haven't slipped back once. There are nights I still wake up more often to check on him but I am not freaking out about every little thing, even him rolling around in his cot causing his monitor to go off hasn't sent me spiralling. What I am about to say next may sound corny but I believe I was meant to go through this dark period as it has made me more patient and calm when dealing with my children like when they are tired and cranky and just plain misbehaving. Now whenever i feel stressed i put bubs in his pram and grab the older 2, my husband and the dog and go for a walk. Not only does it calm me down but I get to spend quality time with my family but i have also lost 13.5kg. Yep life seems pretty good right now, well until my next update bye for now
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