As a mum back at work I can say there are hopeless bludgers as SAHP'S and in the workplace. I don't know why people pick in SAHP's. Assuming someone is productive because they have paid employment.... Bah ahahahahahahhaha!!!
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03-10-2012 08:56 #21-
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- Apr 2012
03-10-2012 11:13 #22
I have had the 'discussion' with my husband a few times about how I'm neither his mother nor his maid, and that when we were both working full time (pre-children) we shared the housework, I don't think it's fair that because I'm home all day that I should be expected to do all the housework. That's not why I left work! Sometimes he's really helpful, sometimes I feel like I do everything for everyone.
In regards to previous generations of mothers, I think this generation of mothers also parent differently. Not everyone is able to be brilliant parents AND have a spotless house. Some can, but for most of us something has to give. These days it tends to be the housework that is let go, whereas in the past it was the kids expected to fend for themselves.
03-10-2012 11:18 #23
And generally, I don't feel less respected for not going to work. In fact, a lot of the time I feel people do have respect for me to be able to manage everything to be able to stay home!
I think in the past I felt disrespected, but I have changed my attitude towards myself and my role. I'm just as valuable as any other mum, indeed any other person. I'm not defined by the fact that I look after my kids full time.
03-10-2012 11:22 #24
The housework is a tricky issue... I am on mat leave for 9 months and when we both worked we shared the housework. We have a fortnightly cleaner to do a proper clean of the kitchen and bathroom each week but obviously there is loads to do each day. Ultimately I have ended up doing basically everything and DH helps out at the weekend. I do find it annoying sometimes, especially when he leaves his clean laundry lying out for days as he is waiting for me to put it away for him!
However he does work really long hours and we just have the one DS so, for us, it works. I do have time to do it in the day so there is no excuse not to. I also do all the cooking in the week and DH helps with that at the weekend too.
If I had a more difficult baby or more than one though, I think it would be different.
Although I adore DS I am looking forward to having some more balance in my life by working part-time and looking after DS the rest of the time. For me full-time SAHM is too much for the long term!
09-11-2012 23:26 #25Senior Member
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- Aug 2008
I'm so glad to have found this thread to read tonight. Someone I am friendly with at my playgroup (a working mother) made a politely-put yet very hurtful comment to me today regarding me being a stay at home mum - how I had the time to do all the housework myself as opposed to her who works AND is a mother. (so she needs the help of her husband but I don't apparently.)
It didn't go down well with me at all although I didn't show it.
My house is far messier and filthier than I am comfortable with. I hate it and it stresses me out and I feel ashamed a lot of the time but I simply cannot get to so many of the jobs that need doing!
My children are not big daytime sleepers... the first gave them up at 2 (she's 3.5 now) and the second is 10 months and sleeps for a broken hour (I have to go into her and resettle) once a day. So I don't have this 'quiet time' in the day to get things done like a lot of people do. And I absolutely refuse to use tv as a babysitter. I have no family help or grandparents or anyone. I just get so little done unless I stay up late at night (which I so often do) or I use the weekends (get hubby to mind ch'n and I get the floor done etc).
This 'friend' at playgroup just wouldn't get any of that. She just made an assumption and I feel angry.
And you know what else? I'm tired. If I'm on some type of permanent holiday then it's the most exhausting holiday I've ever bluddy had.
Grrrrr to her and attitudes like hers.
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09-11-2012 23:40 #26
lack of respect as a SAHM????
As a full time student, I'm part SAHM and part career woman I suppose. I found this a while ago and I wanted to share with everyone for a laugh
Stay at home vs Working Parents. By heather jewell, 2011
My husband always asks how my day went. And he really wants to know. He’s nice like that. As we slowly push the girls around in the stroller, he shares what went right during his day at the office, and I share funny things the kids said. On bad days we vent stresses and offer support and advice.
But lately I can’t help wondering if when I mention that my day was sort of stressful, he mentally thinks, “Yeah, my days are like that too.” Because I really don’t think that our days have the same sort of stresses.
When you decide to become a stay-at-home parent, you enter into a different realm – one ruled by illogical two-year-old dictators, school schedules, and choosing the correct color yogurt. As much as I can explain this to my husband, I don’t know that I’m getting through. Now I’ve done the next best thing: creating a list of questions that will help him and other office-bound parents gauge how (cough, cough) similar their days are to ours.
When you walked into work this morning and pleasantly greeted your co-worker Jim, was his first reaction to scream “NO! WANT JASON!” followed by an office supply being thrown at you?
Has a colleague ever climbed up on your lap while you were using your computer and slammed the keyboard with both fists until the up arrow no longer worked?
Do you have to lock yourself in the supply closet or bathroom on a regular basis in order to make phone calls?
Did you finish a complete thought at any time during the day?
When you went out to lunch with your fellow workers, did you have to pack a diaper/juice/extra outfit for them? Did you have to wipe their faces? Smile an apology and leave an extra tip for the waiter on their behalf?
When a co-worker needed you for something, did she sit at her desk with her head tilted back toward the ceiling and repeatedly scream “SEAN! SEEEEANNNN! SEAAAAAAN!” until you came to find him?
When you needed a specific colleague, did you search all over for him, only to finally find him giggling in the cabinet under the sink? Did you also find six pairs of your church shoes under there with him?
Have you had to come to an associate’s aid because she fell off her desk after trying to climb on top of it using a rolling chair?
When you reached for the report a co-worker was handing you, did he snatch them away at the last second and scream “MINE!” while shoving you backwards?
Does your colleague lift up her shirt and pick things out of her belly button every time she comes over to ask a question?
While you are using the restroom, do various co-workers come in the stall and ask you to settle a disagreement or open a packet of fruit snacks?
During a board meeting when everyone is present, do you notice a smell and then have to check all your colleagues’ pants to locate it? In fact, at ANY point in your day do you have to deal with another person’s feces?
If the answer to most of these questions is no, it’s a safe bet to assume you’re in an office. That said, if your answer to most of these questions is yes, and you know you’re in an office, it’s safe to assume you might need a new job.
30-03-2013 10:01 #27Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
To be honest, I couldn't care less about the house work.
I mean, I have been a SAHM since I had my first, who is now 21yrs old. I have worked odd jobs between having my children, but just found the stress on me and my children, just wasn't worth it.
The kids grow up way too fast and I don't want their only memory of growing up, was that no one had any time for each other.
I make sure meals are prepared, clothes are clean, and house get vaccumed, but as for clean clean, I get round to it when I get round to it.
My husband is wonderful and even though he works long hours, he does his bit.
At the moment my daughter has a hut made up from the clothes airers set up in the lounge, later today we will make playdoh and bake some easter cookies.
I would much rather do that stuff and see my daughter happy than be worrying about the housework.
I wish society in general would value what a true SAHM does and not keep making everyone believe that our children are better off being raised by strangers.
I have worked in daycare and nothing, no matter how good they will make you believe, will be better than being home with mum.
But that is just my opinion.
My youngest is 8yrs old and even though she is at school, I love being their if she is sick or being a voluntary parent helper at her school.
I think the only thing I miss, is there are plenty of playgroups and ways for mum's to socialise when the kids are younger, but once they start school, being an at home mum can be a little isolating.
But oh well
30-03-2013 12:44 #28
I have loved reading this thread today!
I asked DP this morning if he would take the kids for a walk to the park so I could be alone and clean. His response was that he had cleaned last night so what did I need to clean. I then had to explain that no, I wanted the house clean clean not just clean so that we had somewhere to sit.. he must have missed the 5 loads of washing that either need to be washed or put away as well as the rubbish to go out, the vacuuming.. I could go on.
Some days I feel appreciated but others he just doesn't get that I might need help to get dinner out or DS1 to bed while I feed/deal with DS2.
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15-05-2013 15:12 #29
Great thread. Agree with the comment that SAH"M" means "mum" not "maid"! I'm not a FT SAHM as I work PT (most of DS's naps plus evenings) and do 90% of the housework, although Dh does do 50% of the cooking, and his own laundry. I do ask DH to do the occas job around the house and (when i mention it again after he has forgotten) I usually get raised eyebrows/sighs and comments about nagging. We recently had a chat about how I was starting to resent being the only one who did any housework, and the only solution we could find was to get a cleaner, which hopefully we will. Still leaves lots of general tidying and cleaning between cleaner visits though. And it still sh$ts me, as prior to having DS we shared the housework a lot more evenly. But having siad that we were living in our own place and are now in rented accom, and that is a big factor in DH not being bothered to clean. I'm more than happy to do chores around the house, and yes, sometimes you do get ten mins while bub is happily playing. But it's generally only 10 mins! Some kids will happily amuse themselves for 30 mins while you tackle something major, others, like mine, will turn the house upside down, creeating more cleaning to do, LOL.
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