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  1. #1
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    Default so.. after many discussions he finally did it..

    So DP and I have been together almost 9 years and today he finally asked me the highly sought after question. Except a week ago I told him that I had enough of waiting and that everytime I bring it up he always says one day yet it never happens. We had am argument over it cos we had the same conversation a year ago and I gave him a year (mentally promised myself that is) to ask. It all exploded last week when I told him that I couldn't wait any longer and that I give up on the whole idea of it cos I am sick of having my hopes crushed and he should have told me in the beginning that he never had any intentions of ever getting married when I asked him if kids and marriage were important to him. I reminded him of our past conversations and how he had so many opportunities to ask yet never did. I told him that for me to have to hassle him that bad that I can't see how I could ever say yes cos it would seem like I pushed him into it. So all week he had been trying to make it up to me and telling me how he actually intended on doing it soon before all this happened and saying he really does want to do it one day.


    So today he did it. He went shopping this morning while I took dd1 to a birthday party. So this afternoon we took the boat out for a cruise on the river, pulled up at a little park on the bank, we got out to look around and let dd1 have a play on the play ground. He asked her to take dd2 for a short walk a few metres away to the grass. He gave me a hug and then asked me to marry him. I said no and told him that I can't say yes cos I feel like I pushed him into doing this. He asked me again so I said I will think about it. Anyway the while boat and car ride home he looked so devastated so I told him yes. he gave me a ring. But it feels so wrong cos I still feel like I pushed him into it. Last week I just couldn't hold my feelings about it in any longer. I tried to but I couldn't. And now I feel like he wouldn't have asked if I had not of tantrumed

  2. #2
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    You know what? You are probably right. He probably wouldn't have asked if you had you not had a bit of a break down over it. But that is ok. He likely doesn't place much personal importance on the whole concept of marriage, and has not spent his life dreaming about his 'perfect wedding day'. I get that, I am just the same. Marriage doesn't mean a whole lot to me, and while I am lucky in that my other half feels similarly, I would imagine it would be frustrating to be the other half in this situation and to desperately want the whole wedding/marriage deal.

    My point is... He clearly loves you. He wants you to be happy, and he wants to give you want you want. If he didn't plan on spending his life with you regardless, I am sure he wouldn't have proposed just to keep you happy. To me, this is a sign that he cares about your priorities and feelings about something that he doesn't hold much value in.


    I realise it sucks for you that it took him 9 years to get to this point. But ultimately, if this is the man you love and want to spend your life with... well, I would be celebrating!
    Congratulations!

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    Thank you. I know. Your right. in all reality he probably was going to but I couldn't control my melt down and he did say today that it just brought everything forward and it probably gave him the kick up the bum he needed. His words. He also said the words the minister said at my sisters wedding rang true and got him thinking.

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    to be honest i kind of feel bad for him - yes, he needed a kickstart but for him to finally come around, obviously plan out a special way to ask you, get a ring etc. and then you say no?

    i'm glad you did change your mind, guys really don't understand the way women think and i think they sometimes feel as though nothing they do is ever right.

    hope it all goes smooth from here on for you both

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    Oh look if he hasn't gone to the effort of actually making it special (boat ride nice place setting the scene) I would say he's just going through the motions but it sounds like he really does love you. It's a shame you feel like you've pushed him into it but honestly if he didn't want to do it he wouldn't have asked you, I've concluded if there's something a man doesn't want to do then he won't do it no mater how much nagging. Maybe he is just happy with how things are and doesn't put much worth on the whole marriage thing.
    DH and I were together for 6 years and we never thought about getting married till he proposed out of the blue... it wasn't important to me, except that we said we should be married before we start having kids (for legal issues and names and so on) ... It's a personal thing but hey congratulations you're engaged and now you can start planning the wedding!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by DesperatelySeekingSleep View Post
    So DP and I have been together almost 9 years and today he finally asked me the highly sought after question. Except a week ago I told him that I had enough of waiting and that everytime I bring it up he always says one day yet it never happens. We had am argument over it cos we had the same conversation a year ago and I gave him a year (mentally promised myself that is) to ask. It all exploded last week when I told him that I couldn't wait any longer and that I give up on the whole idea of it cos I am sick of having my hopes crushed and he should have told me in the beginning that he never had any intentions of ever getting married when I asked him if kids and marriage were important to him. I reminded him of our past conversations and how he had so many opportunities to ask yet never did. I told him that for me to have to hassle him that bad that I can't see how I could ever say yes cos it would seem like I pushed him into it. So all week he had been trying to make it up to me and telling me how he actually intended on doing it soon before all this happened and saying he really does want to do it one day.


    So today he did it. He went shopping this morning while I took dd1 to a birthday party. So this afternoon we took the boat out for a cruise on the river, pulled up at a little park on the bank, we got out to look around and let dd1 have a play on the play ground. He asked her to take dd2 for a short walk a few metres away to the grass. He gave me a hug and then asked me to marry him. I said no and told him that I can't say yes cos I feel like I pushed him into doing this. He asked me again so I said I will think about it. Anyway the while boat and car ride home he looked so devastated so I told him yes. he gave me a ring. But it feels so wrong cos I still feel like I pushed him into it. Last week I just couldn't hold my feelings about it in any longer. I tried to but I couldn't. And now I feel like he wouldn't have asked if I had not of tantrumed
    If you were that worried about not being married to him you could have proposed to him.

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  10. #7
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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Subbing, will reply later, DSS I fully sympathise
    Last edited by Gothel; 30-09-2012 at 07:48.

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    Oh why don't men get it!! Arggh ! I totally understand why you said no . You want to be asked in a moment that they thought of themselves without being pushed not a week after the discussion about how you have had enough. Thing is this guy must love you alot , 9 years together is longer than many marriages and if you only argument is the marriage thing then you have a fine relationship ( I'm only guessing as I don't know) . My husban is rubbish romantically and I had to push for marriage ... I got a $90 engagement ring ha ha after much pushing from me. But the thing is we are happy and when I look back at our 12 years together it would not matter if we were married or not really as we get on so well. We would both still be together.

    I would have a chat and say you just wanted it to happen off his own back not after pushing him, that you love him and Want to celebrate your relationship and get married and want to feel wanted that's all. ..... not change anything . Just put it down to male hopelessness around romance , some don't get it ( some are amazing) but look at the reasons why you Want to marry him, his good points and focus on that and wipe the slate clean. Next time he asks say yes !

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    Just realised you said yes. Don't worry , he obviously wants to or he would not of asked .... Maybe you could get a babysitter and take him out for beautiful splash out meal and ask him back .... say it all got over emotional but you love him and have an evening of celebration together cz goodluck xxx congratulations .

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    Give him some time. He admitted himself that it was a kick up the bum that he probably needed. Some men really DO need a boot to the behind to get things moving and that's not necassarily a sign that they don't want to marry you.

    It could just be a simple case of the "what if's" that get in the way. Some people (men and women!) have problems with exactly that. So don't stress about it for now.
    If it were me, I'd give him the ring back and say "I love you and I do want to marry you, but I want to know that it was your choice. I'm giving you the chance to make that choice so that I know that it's not because of the argument we had".

    Good luck


 

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