My DH works away interstate and overseas a lot. He told me this morning before leaving for interstate, that he hates it when I send him texts telling him that our boys are sick, or that DS2 woke up at 4:30am, or that I have had a bad night/day. He said that he doesn't need to know that stuff and that he feels that I am basically saying that he should be there to help me and that it makes him feel bad. I now feel like I can't tell him anything. He sends me texts saying stuff like 'I hope you had a good night last night' etc, but now I feel like I can't even say anything to him. I don't have anyone else to vent to. He's my husband and I feel like I've been told to suck it up and keep it to myself.
For people who have DHs/DPs that work away a lot - do you tell them when your kids are sick or being difficult?
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21-09-2012 14:55 #1
If your DH/DP works away from home a lot....
21-09-2012 15:00 #2has left the building
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
My DH works away a lot also and i always tell him the truth about what is going on at home so that includes all illnesses, bad nights etc. He always says he is happy to listen to me vent and wishes he could be there to help but since he isn't the best he can do is listen and talk with me about it.
He does sometimes feel bad but he would never not want to hear it - he certainly doesn't want to me to pretend things are wonderful if they are not.
21-09-2012 16:29 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
My DH does fifo and thinking about it, I only really tell him major things eg I don't bother telling him that DS woke early because it isn't something my DH can do anything about. I would tell him if DS is ill though, to me that is something he deserves to know about.
I suspect that your DH feels bad about being away so much and that reading your texts is making him feel guilty and in some way (unintential on your part) is rubbing it is his face that he isn't around and missing out on the good and bad parts of parenting.
21-09-2012 16:59 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
Id tell my husband all that stuff, he's always been really happy to listen and will call me to chat if he hasn't heard from me.
As the previous post said its probably more about how he's feeling than you actually doing anything wrong.
21-09-2012 17:02 #5
You need to explain to him that you don't need him to fix the problem eg kids sick, flat tyre, bad day etc... You do NEED him to be you support system, You NEED to be able to tell him about these things so You can work through, tell him he may have a idea to help you that you hadn't thought of But most of all you just need him to listen. This is the most important thing he can do for you as a husband.
Explain to him this is why you need to text him, it is not to make him feel guilty but so he can be the best husband by being your support system.
DH and i have had to have this talk more than once but he now understands.
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22-09-2012 12:57 #6
I think you should be able to vent to you DH, BUT I also think it is important to make sure you send him messages about good things also, whether it is a good day or just to say you miss him. Putting myself in his shoes, I imagine it would get quite depressing if all you ever heard was the bad stuff, and I WOULD feel bad for being working away. It would make him feel good to hear you are having a good day (presuming you do have them!), and make him more empathetic when you need to vent about a bad day. I don't know about you but i do tend to switch off to my DH (and my children!) when I feel like he is whingeing all the time. There needs to be a balance (Presuming again, that you do have good experiences as well, and if you are not then maybe there are other issues to think about)
22-09-2012 13:18 #7
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