Ok so i have some concerns about my 7 year old Son.
A bit of history: His dad and i split up when he was 1.5 year old. He sees him every fortnight and thats all fine. I met my DH 3.5 years ago when he was 4 and his behaviour improved dramatically, he stopped hitting and screaming at me and listening to my DH and I. So the male role model was fantastic for our little family. DS is quite mature and sensible and grown up for his age compared to other kids his age at school.
We had a baby 10 months ago and i am 28 weeks pregnant and My son absolutely adores his baby brother and unborn sister, i sit with and talk with my DS often to make sure hes not feeling left out or sad about anything and he says he's fine and Having his baby brother is the best thing in the world etc etc.
DS struggles at school as he lacks concentration and confidence no matter what we try or say or if the teacher separates him from other kids. Hes behind in some areas/ most areas. He never completes his school work but is good at reading and working out maths in his head.
His speech he had help with in kindy and has a little help with it now because its often mumbled and he speaks too fast to get his words out.
He often thinks kids don't like him and often says he thinks so and so doesnt like him so he stops playing with that group. He always thinks hes being bullied because someone doesnt want to play the same game etc.
He has a few friends but seems to cling with one or two at a time, and really hates one kid in particular and will talk about him everyday about how much he doesnt like this kid.
Tonight and on other occasions randomly he has said that he hates how he looks or hates how his smile looks or how his face is.
If hes in trouble and has been told off (always calm) he says he hates himself and will sometimes hit himself in the head, and last night he wrapped a piece of cotton around his fingers to try hurt himself.
He is very sensitive, will cry at the word no, or if Told he cant play playstation or watch cartoons or have a snack. he gets embarrassed or will hide his face when seeing people he hasn't seen for a while or will come off a bit rude because of his shy hellos.
These things arent all new and have been around for a while but more recently they all seem to be coming together.
He is a very very well behaved, polite and helpful child, and everyone comments on how helpful and polite he is.
There are a few more things but i cant think of them now.
Does your 7 year old behave this way? I just have no idea about what normal 7 year old behaviour is.
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20-09-2012 21:53 #1
Is this Normal 7 year old behaviour?
21-09-2012 11:11 #2
My DS1 is also 7. He doesnt focus fantastically well unless it is something which interests him a great deal. I am not sure how to grade his concentration level or how to compare with your DS. He can be really distracted at time and yet very focused at times. I can leave work for him to do at the table and he can be really good at doing his work if I am not around. But when I sit with him at the table, he tends to want to chat and talk and talk...I often have to pull him back to whatever he needs to be doing.
In terms of confidence, my DS is a confident little boy. Sometimes too smug! He can read very well and does pretty well in school academically.
In terms of speech, my DS can speak very fast and in a very excited manner and we have to slow him down. Sometimes he cannot express what he wants to say as it is complicated and he may start to say things all over the place or go 'erm...erm...erm....', we would stop him and ask him to collect his thoughts before saying. He does express frustrations whenever he is not able to tell us what he wants to say.
DS at this stage does tell us whom he likes and whom he doesnt. He complains/bad-mouths a lot about the cousins he doesnt like and it is hard to change his opinions about some friends at this point. So that part, I do identify with you.
About hating himself, hmmm mine does not hate himself but he does ask me questions like 'Mummy, am I not good?' when he gets reprimanded by me sometimes or even when I praised the dog! And when he does something good, he will go 'I am a good person!' Mine does not do things to hurt himself. When told off, he just looks at me, sometimes teary and red-faced. I gather that is being sensitive like your DS but mine doesnt cry at the 'no' if he doesnt get the tele or Wii etc. He does protests more nowadays vocally sometimes if he is not happy with our decision/correction. He is showing signs that he isnt as teachable as before.
He is finding it hard to say 'sorry' when he has genuinely done something wrong eg he lost in Wii game and hit my DH's chest and refused to apologise. He is quite a poor loser no matter how we tried to speak to him about not everyone wins all the time.
My DS is pretty bad at saying hellos to adults nowadays. I think it is just a phase. He needed to be told to call the adults properly, or he would just go 'hello' rather reluctantly. It may seem rude to people but I really think it is a phase. He says 'Hello Jack' etc to his friends readily though. He doesnt hide his face, so he isnt really shy.
Finally, DS is more conscious with people's remarks nowadays. He does show embarrassment more. The other day his friends commented on how babyish his bottle was and when he came home he told me what happened and he didnt want to take that bottle out anymore. And yesterday when friends came, he kept his precious bolster (his comfort object) as he didnt want them to see it.
Hope that helps a bit. I also dont really know if that is normal of a 7YO. We got him assessed when he was about 5-6 by an educational psychologist and he seems normal except that he is on the active side of the scale.
28-11-2012 11:09 #3Junior Member
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- Nov 2012
Not to be an alarmist, but some of that behavior would concern me, especially the self-loathing and attempted self harm. Those things are NOT normal. Maybe you should consider taking him to a child psychologist. I'm no expert, but that seems like a lot of anxiety for a 7 year old to be dealing with.
28-11-2012 12:37 #4
28-11-2012 12:46 #5
Re: Is this Normal 7 year old behaviour?
My nephew was like that for a while. My sister put him in an after school activity and his whole attitude changed. Might be worth a try.
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28-11-2012 13:15 #6Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
Have you spoke to his teachers about your concerns, do they have concerns? We have had similar issues with one child. To rule out medical issues I got her hearing and eyes tested (go to a behavioral optomertrist). Turns out she needed glasses (part of the reason she wsn't finishing her school work). I also took her to a occupational therapist who helped us with teaching her different ways to do things. eg different learning tecniques, using different brain pathways to do things. We also started teaching about self talk, and what is beneficial and what is not. We started after school activities which she enjoyed that bolstered her self esteem and started sports which hepled with her co-ordination.
I have encouraged her to speak up, she now introduces herself at appointments, we go to a bakery where she has to tell the shopkeeper what she would like.
I didn't have the self injury issues, but do get the I wish I was dead, my life is awful comments which I ignore until the situation settles down.
We don't have the hate people situation.
She still doesn't have best friends, she tends to play with those that are doing the activity she wants to do at that time. I think that this is just her..
I was concerned as she is a twin so it was evident that she was different to her sister, however I think a lot of it is personality. All her tests showed she was intellectually on par (despite some of her school results), she just isn't that interested in some things nor competitive.
Talk to his teachers, you could also see child health
28-11-2012 13:34 #7
My DS is also 7.
Focus and Concentration- DS does lose concentration at times, although usually I can see this happening. He's better in the mornings, and i need to keep reminding him to get back to topic if he's required to do more than 15min of homework. He's just started to take responsibility for his his homework at after school care, our rule is if he doesn't get it done by Karate (Thursday afternoon) than there's no Karate. If we get to Thursday and he hasn't done it- he'll cry and be quite emotional.
Confidence- To describe DS as confident would be an understatement! He has no problem in starting up conversations with adults or kids. He's an only child of a single parent so does interact better with adults than kids.
When DS was younger, confidence was something that I wanted to develop early on (I struggle with confidence) so I would give him money and tell him that he could go and buy a donut at donut king. THis required him to take charge of that situation with a reward of a donut at the end.
Now, nothing stops him. I gave him $20 to buy me a Christmas present on the weekend. He told me I couldn't come with him because if I saw the shop, I would definately know what the present was. So, I said I'd wait at the seat while he went (with strict instructions on come straight back, don't stop off anywhere else) and he went and bought me 2 pairs of earings (probably not what I would wear normally but....*shrugs shoulders*). He's very excited to give them to me.
Academic- I would describe DS as being in the higher group of average. He's not gifted, but picks things up quickly. He reads well, although at this stage is not interested in reading recreationally.
DS did have a speech imprediment, and attended speech therapy for approx 3 years. His delay was phonetic and because of this we were prepared for delays in school. Thankfully there were none. He still does talk a little quick at times and doens't seem to have a volume control. I also have to constantly remind him to look at the person he is speaking to- most of the time he is concentrating on something else when talking to someone.
DS has opinions on certain people, including friends and family. He'll often tell me about certain friends at school who are "naughty", not good academically, "awesome!" but there is generally not one person that he is....obsessed (is that the right word) with.
Loathing himself- He'll cry when he think he's done something wrong but I think this is more of a ploy to avoid punishment, or perhaps I've come down too hard on him in the past. He has only really loathed himself once, after he felt incredibly guilty for saying terribly mean things to me in a marathon tantrum. He's never tried to self-harm (thank god).
He does find it hard to say sorry (although not to me).
He is conscious of people and "looking cool" and what not. Until the recent concert, he didn't want to do Jazz because it was with the girls.
He's never been assessed by a professional, although he has been attending preschool/daycare since he was 9months old and attended speech therapy for 3 years so I'm assuming something would have been picked up on if it needed addressing.
I think the extreme self loathing and self harm is an issue. It sounds like he has some pretty serious feelings and is not quite sure on how to handle them. I think a visit to a child physc def wouldn't hurt.
Last edited by SimplyMum; 28-11-2012 at 13:41.
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