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  1. #1
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    Default Please help me with 2yo and 4yo arguing

    I desperately need help. Please don't tell me that it is normal - I know it is - but I haven't found a way to deal with it and that is what I am looking for. My 2yoDD and 4yo DS are arguing more and more about the most stupid things. She destroys whatever games he is playing, he tries to snatch it back, someone gets hurt. Whatever he has, she wants and vice versa. I am so over it that I end up yelling and they are at the stage where they don't even respond because it is normal.

    I don't want to yell. I want to find a way to resolve the conflict. But I just don't know how. Has anyone done anything that helps - I am prepared to invest the time in teaching them the appropriate behaviour but I just don't know how to do it.

  2. #2
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    i can do with the same help with my two aged 2 & 4! it's EXACTLY the same. my neighbours can hear me yelling sometimes.. i found when they were unresponsive to whatever i said, i would turn the tv off (if it was on), put the toys away, and put them to each sit in their naughty corner. dd would come out of it 100 times screaming and yelling and i'd just take her straight back. eventually each time (after keeping on coming out) she gets the point. when they are calm and not screaming i calmly say why they are there and why the toys are confiscated for now.

    i saw it on super nanny. lol. i saw an episode where it was almost mirroring what we do.. i was amazed. so i just copied what she did on the episode. i think i may look at more of her episodes, i said to my hubby maybe we will learn something we don't know.

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    Thanks Minchi - it does help to know that others have the same problem. I was a fan of super nanny but I've been doing some research and agree with the Positive Parenting website that essentially she disciplines using humiliation and "force" - ie the kids comply because they have to, rather than because they understand why they should/should not do something.

    I love the PP philosophy, which in this case is basically that kids only "play up" because they are lacking something (attention being one of those things!). They advocate not putting kids in a naughty corner/seat because it teaches them that their emotions are not valid, that they are abandoned when they are experiencing "negative" emotions and that they have to push them aside. Their advice is to ride the wave with your child - give them the opportunity to take time out for thought (only if they want to), acknowledge their emotions, hold them whilst they are going through it or to sit close to them and mirror their body language if they don't want to be held.

    As I say, I love this thinking because it is such a supportive environment for the child but it is really hard to apply when the two of them are arguing over something petty and I can't be in two places at once!! (ie acknowledging both their positions and holding/mirroring them both).

  4. #4
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    yeah i know, it's very hard! I sometimes sit back and watch and see who instigates what. everybody is always quick to blame my 4 yr old dd.. yes, she's a vocal , fiery child, so everybody assumes it's always her fault, and my 2 yr old dd is a super quiet, placid child and nothing is ever his fault, but i have been watching him too... - many times dd is playing and minding her own business and he will come and start throwing matchbox cars at her. and she retaliates and starts hitting him back... then it's world war 3! lol.
    we're expecting a 3rd (unplanned suprise!!) in December and all 3 kids will have an exact 2 year age gap.. so that shall be interesting needless to say.

    Am definately not ready for all the battles!


 

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