Being criticized for getting pregnant while another friend is trying

[us3]

Has anyone else had this problem?

I have two friends who I know are trying for a baby ATM. They're both my closest friends. One has been trying for two years, had an ectopic pregnancy and a mc, and didn't know I was trying. The other has only started trying in the last couple months, and knew that DH and I had been discussing for the last 6 months when we would try and had told her we weren't taking precaution anymore.

When I told my first friend, despite all of her upset in her ttc journey, she was over the moon! She was so supportive and helpful. I really loved her knowing!

My second friend had just started a new job, and I found out the day of her farewell from our current work place. I didn't want to tell her at her farewell, that was her night. I wanted to tell her in person though, so for over a week messaged and called her, tried to organise a time to see her, even took a day off uni! It seemed like she was avoiding me. And I'm pretty sure she knew and was told by a mutual friend. Finally I gave up chasing her and sent her a message. Took her a while to reply, and she seemed excited/happy. But then the next message its like she flipped. Sending me a long long long message saying how she thought I'd suddenly got pregnant because she was trying. And that she was angry I had told someone else before her. And that I was selfish and all this other stuff.

Honestly she knows we have wanted a baby and a family the whole time I have known her. We even talked about trying at the same time and imagine if we got pregnant at the same time? Why would I get pregnant to annoy her or steal the lime light?

Has anyone else come across this sort of reaction with friends also ttc??

[us3]

My phone managed to add two of these threads, and i cant work out how to delete the second one....

[Lib77]

Haven't had any friends like that....but had an ex SIL who rang to congratulate me on being an Aunty again when she got UTD with bub 3 to dad 3 when her youngest was only just past 1 year old.

It's not that she cant manage a real relationship with guys or that she gets knocked up and dumps them that bugged me....it's how she was acting like I should be over the moon that yet again she managed to be pregnant as though it was something we all wanted for her....being that she already had two under foot with no job or prospects to get one.

I think if my friend acted like that I would be straight up with them and ask why they would act that way. It's at those times when you learn the difference between who your real friends are, and the ones that just want you to make them look good.

[us3]

thanks Lib77! I think I have definitely worked out my true friends. The ones who have been happy for me! I'm hoping she comes around and is happy for me...

[Tanzanite]

You know what I am in a similar situation and it sucks! I feel guilty for updating my fb, posting preggy photos and bringing up the topic of my pregnancy around one friend. She is younger than me and also overweight and keeps making comments that she is too 'old and fat' to get pregnant whilst here I am 'older and just as "fat" as she is. It's a hurtful place to be for me but I can understand her point too I guess. She badly wants another baby, I hope she gets one because she is a lovely mother, just maybe she cant see at the moment she is making some upsetting comments you know. x

[Parrmum]

That's horrible. Your friend was really out of line.

I was in the reverse situation with my best friend - My husband and I had just gotten married and been trying for a baby for nearly six months when my friend rang me up and told me she found out she had fallen pregnant on the pill. I told her I was jealous but happy and excited for her, she said she understood and was sad for me as well. We both cried a little bit for me, then spent the rest of conversation talking about her plans for her bub. It was actually a beautiful moment for us friendship wise.

I fell pregnant 3 months later

Hope your friend can get her act together and apologise to you. If she can't she's probably not worth it.

[us3]

Gurtling that really sucks!! You should be able to enjoy your pregnancy!! I understand she is upset because she isnt pregnant, and is wanting one badly. I hope it happens for her soon. And that she then realises I didnt do this to upset her...

Parrmum you would be me ideal reaction! In fact, my friend who has been trying for 2 years reacted similarly. She was excited, and didnt want to tell me she was upset about her own situation, but when we talked about it she made it obvious that she was really happy for me but it did remind her that it was taking them so long. We had a good honest talk and I really appreciated how honest she was, while not being angry at me. I just wish my other friend could be as understanding that Im not pregnant to annoy her...

[Peaze]

Yep, had the same thing happen! My friend flipped it within 24 hours. She ended up telling me not to speak a word about my pregnancy or baby at all because she couldn't handle it.

Needless to say I moved out straight away into an environment where my enthusiasm was welcome.

Shes come to terms with it now and were all good now, but it was horrible.

Don't let anyone get you down, this is your time, your pregnancy... Enjoy it!!!!

[captainscaptain]

I fell pregnant by accident before my best friend. She wasn't trying either but we have both always wanted babies (we even studies midwifery together).

During my pregnancy (and especially after I had DS) it felt like I not only lost her as a friend but she was actually really rude and very passive aggressive towards me. It killed me...it's probably the one time in my life when I most needed her and I felt like I had done nothing to deserve the treatment she gave me.

Then after 2ish years of her actually trying to fall pregnant and being told she would need IVF etc, she fell pregnant...and magically wanted me back in her life. I love that we are friends again and have convinced myself that I should forgive and forget because she was obviously battling her own jelousy/concieving issues. But really, I still hold resentment because of it. I'm soooo looking forward to sharing the joy of her baby with her but I think I know that I need to chat to her about my unresolved feelings before bub arrives....I guess it's just awkward trying to find the right moment, especially with a 17mo at my side!

In other words, yes! I have been criticized! lol

[us3]

Peaze that is horrible. I cant believe she told you to not even talk about your pregnancy??? At least you can be friends now? Wow I am definitely not going to let her upset me when this is the most exciting time for me!

captainscaptain, I'm so sorry. What a crappy situation. Its good that your friends now, but yes you really should talk to her and let her know that your still upset about how she was treating you. You deserve an apology!!