A child acted like this when we were out to dinner the other night. The mother didn't care and the friend of the mother was there with her own son and seemed pretty embarrassed that the mother of the girl wasn't doing anything about the bad behaviour. At one point I turned around because the girl was smacking her baby sister in the face and making the baby scream. The Mum of the girl had gone to pay and the other Mum with the son told the girl of sternly just as the Mum of the girls came back. She said "oh.. what's happening?" the mum of the boy told her and she just turned to her daughter and said "oh that's not nice" the girl hit her sister again, who screamed again clearly upset and smacking the highchair with her fists herself... and the mum just said "hey! I told you that wasn't nice" then continued to start a random conversation with her friend! wtf! poor baby sister .
I think that parents who allow this behaviour are doing a great disservice to their child. Kids need to have boundaries and know what is appropriate to do and not do.
I would be like other posters and if *my* DD's acted like this, I would be horrified but very worried about their health for them to act so out of character. So I would take them home, tell them how wrong it was, and also book in to see a doctor to make sure their outburst isn't related to something physical or more serious.
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07-09-2012 20:29 #31
07-09-2012 20:30 #32
How would you respond if your child...
At one point my DS1 got something in his shoe and it was hurting him. The child came up to give him a hug and said "I'm really sorry that's happened to you. I've had that happen before too and it wasn't nice."
At another point they said to DS "let's race. You can win if you like."
I feel bad for the child that they're not being guided because they've got a good heart, they're just being allowed to turn feral due to lack of parenting
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07-09-2012 20:31 #33
We were away last week on the Gold Coast and every time my 5yo ds saw a helicopter he would yell 'Helicopter'. It didn't matter where we were or what we were doing and he would demand that we stop & let him point it out. He does not have special needs. I'm sure we got a few looks though, but each time we did tell him it wasn't appropriate to scream like that or do things like stop in the middle of crossing a road, etc.
So, yelling in a restaurant I can imagine, but I would not tolerate. Spitting, hitting, kicking even towards the childs parents is just not remotely acceptable. I worry about the mum if she is completely unresponsive to her 5yo hitting & spitting at her. What makes her think this is acceptable? I would be worried about her honestly (has she been abused before, does she have super low self-esteem, etc, etc). Could you perhaps suggest a parenting course to her? eg. Triple P Parenting or similar - something to teach her that this is not appropriate.
As for her saying that her 5yo will resolve a dispute by punching another child ... I think that is a trigger for you to not let your children near her child again. He's only 5 now, but as he gets bigger, stronger and presumably more angry & out of control he will be seriously scary!
07-09-2012 20:33 #34
Ok firstly loving the PCness toward SN kids but special needs or not that behaviour is NOT in any way shape or form ok, and not im not a monster that hates SN kids i have one my of my own who i love dearly but i would not not nor ever tolerate that behaviour.
1 2 and 3 are all actions in there own right so would deal with them as such
Number one I would wheel DD out side ( she would be wheeling back and forth yelling unless some uncanny mirracle had been granted and given her the ability to run ) so i would wheel her out side of the restaurant whilst appologising to the other customers for her actions, Once out side i would get down to her level and firstly ask her what she was doing and why. Once knowing that i would assertain if it was sensory over load or her just being a monkey ( not all bad actions from a SN child are because of there condition ) If it was sensory i would calm her out side and take her back in side and gve her apporpriate stuff from her bag of tricks that would help with the sensory problem at hand ( to many triggers and fixes to go into detail) If that didnt help we would leave. If it was just her being a monkey she would be told that is NOT how we behave and she would then have her social story read to her about how we behave at the dinner table, and told once we go back in there if you are a good girl for 2 minutes you can have your _insert apropriate toy for setting here___ ,the reason only 2 minutes being good before getting the reward would be bacause i pick my battles a busy resteraunt is not the time to go pushing her to bounderies as i have to consider the other customers, they are there to have a good time not here my child carry on like a pork chop and not here me getting all ABA therapy mum lol
The Spitting i would NOT tolerate sensory or not it is NOT ok to spit in peoples face DD always has a flannel with her as she sicks up alot and gets yuk tastes in her mouth she spit or pukes into her flannel, if she spat in my face we would go out side and i would get to her level again and explain to her ( even though she already knows ) that spitting is wrong and i would show her with her com pics the NO SPITTING sign. If we then went back in again and she spat at somebody else i would be livid and we would leave, But before getting in the car I would explain how what she did was wrong and what consiquence will be dished out that would be explained to her by showing her a the picture of her TV with the big cross over it which means no TV
Hitting and punching we get that a fair bit from kenz she only really hits me because she knows i will still love her, each time i get to the root of why (with her its usualy in response to pain or sensory or the being a monkey thing) if its in response to pain she often does nto remember afterward same with sensory if its cause she is a monkey then she does. Pain wise i try and get her comfy and we count out the pain together, sensory wise i hold her very tight with her arms into her ( not mean nasty tight calming tight increased pressure as recomended by the therapist no one get excited i dont squeeze my kid ) and she thrashes her head about a bit then eventually calms down, That works for both being a monkey and sensory because if she has got her self to that state being naughty then she ends up over stimulating her self.
So yer that is what i would do, the reason i addressed all three seperately is because the way we deal with things with her the three would not happen all in one evening unless they was part of one big malt down and like i have explained because i take her out of the situatin when it starts the chances of that are very slim, If she did all three at once i would be looking at my own bahaviour as a parent as to why i let it esculate to that level with out interveining
07-09-2012 20:38 #35
Wow, I'd end the friendship with that mother. Our values are obviously way too different to stay friends.
07-09-2012 20:41 #36
07-09-2012 20:44 #37
ETA: My child does not have any special needs so that behaviour would be totally unacceptable.
07-09-2012 20:44 #38
07-09-2012 20:45 #39Senior Member
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07-09-2012 20:49 #40
Re: How would you respond if your child...
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