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  1. #21
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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    I want my kids to be happy. And to me that means having friends and having self confidence and great social skills.

    But it doesn't necessarily mean being popular.

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    I want my child to be happy at school yes....I want my child to be generally liked.

    But I think no person in the world is liked by everyone....

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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    I get so torn by this issue. Only because of my own experience. I was in the popular group and most of us ended up pretty screwed up. Both my school age children are the popular boys in their classes and I dare day dd1 will be next year too. While I am happy they are well liked, my own experience freaks me out. So far both boys seem to be able to be strong and be themselves no matter what so i am sure all will be fine.

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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    My eldest son has problems fitting in with other children and it really bothers me. It's not that I want him to be cool its that I want him to make friends and be happy. It would bother me if he was a nerd that got picked on and had no friends at school. I make my decisions around what will give my child the best quality of life and make him the happiest. I think that is the aim of most parents, I would assume that's where your friends are coming from. The idea of letting your kids go out into the world on their own is scary for us all I guess.

  5. #25
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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    Default Re: Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    I would like my kids to fit in. I fit in at school and it really did make life a lot easier. I felt comfortable to be myself. DP didn't fit in so much and he still has issues with trying to please people all the time, whereas I grew up being accepted as I was, by my parents and peers. I never felt the need to 'conform' because I was the same as all the kids at school- alternative and academic. My eldest brother who went to the same school ended up dropping out in year 8 because he didn't fit in. He's never really found his place. My next brother went to a different school which has a very artistic curriculum, and is very active in the safe schools coalition, he is gay and in musical theatre so he has thrived as much as I did. If he'd gone to the same school as us he wouldn't have done so well, i don't think. He would have been ok, but his artistic side wouldn't have been as nurtured.
    So yes it's important to me because i think people thrive when they are accepted and loved for who they are. So I'll try to send my kids to school where they'll fit in. I'm not going to try to change them so they fit in, rather I'll try to help them find their natural place.

    Sent from my HTC Sensation Z710a using BubHub

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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    DD is 7 and IS a nerd. Lol.

    I want her to have friends, obviously, but I won't ever encourage her to be a certain way for popularity's sake. What a joke!

    DD is an only child who is bright, and I think that kinda contributes to her nerdiness. Being an only child means she's fine with being alone. She's used to it. So when she doesn't want to do something everyone else is doing, she doesn't. She just does whatever it is she wants. She also prefers to spend her time reading or writing stories or playing on her computer.

    She also gets healthy lunches when a lot of her friends get chips and cake and stuff. Apparently she sometimes get teased for that but I'm not feeding her junk so she can be cool.

    Popularity ends after high school anyway. I mean, some people are still popular but it's not a huge issue nor is it really the same things that make you cool anymore. The girls in my course who were cool at school are the ones some of us roll our eyes at due to their stupidity, immaturity and whatnot.

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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    I want DS to be himself. That's going to mean that sometimes there will be people who don't like him or tease him for it and I'm hopefully teaching him the skills to brush that off. Based on how he reacts to others reactions to him wearing nail polish occasionally, I think I'm on the right track - but he's still young & may not be as resilient in five years time.

    I spent years struggling to define and accept who I was and it's only been the last few years that I'm comfortable with me. I don't want him going through that as well.

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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    I would like my kids to fit in. I fit in at school and it really did make life a lot easier. I felt comfortable to be myself. DP didn't fit in so much and he still has issues with trying to please people all the time, whereas I grew up being accepted as I was, by my parents and peers. I never felt the need to 'conform' because I was the same as all the kids at school- alternative and academic. My eldest brother who went to the same school ended up dropping out in year 8 because he didn't fit in. He's never really found his place. My next brother went to a different school which has a very artistic curriculum, and is very active in the safe schools coalition, he is gay and in musical theatre so he has thrived as much as I did. If he'd gone to the same school as us he wouldn't have done so well, i don't think. He would have been ok, but his artistic side wouldn't have been as nurtured.
    So yes it's important to me because i think people thrive when they are accepted and loved for who they are. So I'll try to send my kids to school where they'll fit in. I'm not going to try to change them so they fit in, rather I'll try to help them find their natural place.

    Sent from my HTC Sensation Z710a using BubHub
    I think you hit the nail on the head there. For me of course I want my kids to be well liked, have friends and love their activities - not by conforming to peer pressure - but by being the best version of themselves.

    I'd rather find a place with people who appreciate them for who they are rather than try to raise them to fit a preconceived idea of 'cool'.

    In short I intend to help them find 'their people' and hope they make friends and have fun with a variety of others too

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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    I figure I can't control who likes my DD and whether she's popular or not. I can talk to her about being a good and kind person and how to treat people well and hope that this creates good mutual friendships. I will also encourage and facilitate friendships with kids she likes.

    My parents have never been big on conformity and I really hated primary school because they insisted on not buying into what everyone else was doing. To be honest, it made my early years hard. I was teased a lot and it didn't necessarily give me thick skin or anything.

    Based on that experience I will teach DD to be herself and encourage her to do whatever she wants, but I also won't go out of my way to make her 'different'.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CluckySC View Post

    I'm a little surprised how many people I know of base a great number of choices on making sure their kids are cool and popular
    Wow, really? I would have thought most parents are brighter than that. Obviously I don't want to do things that will clearly cause my son to get taunted but seriously?

    I wished more than anything that my parents dressed me "cooler" and let me play with the "cool" kids when I was young but now I'm so thankful they didn't because it built character that wasn't based on expensive jeans and kissing boys.


 

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