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  1. #1
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    Default Step Families EEK!

    Hi there,
    just wanted to get some opinions on my current dilemma with my childrens step mother. My ex and I have 50/50 care of my 2 youngest daughters who are 12 and 14.
    I feel as though she oversteps the mark continuously but am concerned that I am being oversensitive and jealous. I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and am obviously up and down emotionally so Im not sure if I am justified in my feelings that she is an unfeeling ogre trying to get a rise out of me or if I am just emotionally exhausted.
    She has pretty much always been this way and has used my children as topics to get my attention
    here are some examples of her behaviour:
    a time when she and my ex split up, she told me she wanted to talk to me because she was worried about my kids.
    she constantly posts on my daughters facebook page about how much she misses her, tags her in posts and photos about "their" family (her own father doesnt do this) and has commented on my posts/photos on my daughters wall the most recent being when we were taking a break to go to the snow (in the midst of baldness and chemotherapy) and we were so excited posting pictures of the weather forcast and snowcams on eachothers walls. One particular picture she posted about how they were taking the kids skiing too and how they were going to go in July but were now going in August (a trip mind you that never happened)
    The icing on the cake and one which almost tipped me over the edge was when my almost 14 year old told me she was having nightmares about me dieing and wanted to spend more time at my house for a bit. When we asked her dad, he was reluctant and didnt want her to. That weekend when she went back to her dads he was working and so her stepmother had a "talk" to her and then my poor love was confused and torn and didnt know what to do anymore. She then posted a sappy poster onto her facebook wall. I feel she should have but out and allowed my daughter to talk to her father about these things IF she felt she wanted to.
    I have bitten my tongue time and time again about the tales they come home with regarding the inequality between her kids and mine and the punishments they dole out for the kids forgetting a school book etc but now I am so upset that they couldnt let a little girl spend some extra time with her mum who is going through cancer treatment without confusing the issue and making her feel guilty for wanting to.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Step Families EEK!

    That's a tricky one. Can you say anything to your ex? Or is that a no go zone. She sounds insecure. My stepmum can be a bit like this in terms of face book etc. More in front of people so everyone knows we just have the best relationship ever. We very much don't!

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  3. #3
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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Default Step Families EEK!

    Oh wow. That's pretty poor form from the step mum.

    If your daughter is 14, she should be able to have a say in who she wants to spend time with. Can you talk to your ex at all?

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    Default Step Families EEK!

    Sorry to hear about your situation.
    As a pp said the FB all sounds like a bit of a show- which well unfortunately some ppl are just "all for show"
    However regarding spending time with your daughter, I think that's really unfair, could you perhaps speak to the x and step mum, just explaining that while your going through this you'd like to some extra time, in a non confrontational way. Hope all goes all well you!

  5. #5
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    Thanks guys,
    Yes she is old enough to choose and she did. We thought an extra 3 days/fortnight at mine. I sent her father a very nonthreatening email asking him his opinion and permission (even though we didn't need to). I know all the FB stuff is all show as that's how she operates, all show and happy families on the outside and a completely different story behind closed doors. However it still pushes my buttons and makes me crazy. When miss 14 changed her mind, I even had it in my head that she preferred them to me! It's hard enough dealing with the blended family crap without the whole cancer experience thrown into the mix!


 

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