Thanks everyone. I typed that out at 5am so was raging a bit. Im not single, but hubby is fifi 4:1 so i may as well be, im also still working and shes at preschool 4 days a week.
I KNOW i dont give her the attention she needs, but it feels almost impossible when im tryin to run household and work and still try and look after myself while this baby cooks, we have always had a busy lifestyle, and shes always been pretty independent.
She will go back to sleep once ive been into her but its just the constant broken sleep making me agro.
Im going to try the bedtime thing, maybe having a better routine and hopefully once i stop work it will get better its just so frustrating, we only have each other and when she doesnt listen to me i feel so lonely like what have i done wrong?
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04-09-2012 06:09 #11
Re: never felt so angry
04-09-2012 06:38 #12Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
never felt so angry
Call tresillian hotline in nsw. Google number. Good luck!
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04-09-2012 07:05 #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2005
I dont have much advice, but I remember my son doing this at around the same age and when I was just about to have his brother. It was like he had this intuition that something was going to change and man he was clingy to me. I noticed that Bub #2 is due in about 9 weeks? Maybe she's anxious about the change coming up?
For the record, DS1 settled right down and slept once his brother was here.
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04-09-2012 08:06 #14
never felt so angry
Puppy guts my husband is FIFO too. We have a ten week old. So our age differences r the same. If u start making special time now for her it will really help when bub comes coz u will have even less time then. I also have someone come in to help so it's not so hectic and so I can take dd to swimming and dancing on our own. My dd comes into our bed when DH is away so she gets to be close to me. I think u need to find something special to do together. Also u need to find a million ways in the limited time u have with her each day to tell her that she is your shining light and means more to you than anything else. I do understand though, it's hard doing it alone.
04-09-2012 09:28 #15
Re: never felt so angry
Is it worse when dh is away? Could you let her sleep in your bed when he's away?
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04-09-2012 09:46 #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
My 3yo did this for about 3 months and I understand how exhausting it is. But, it was just a phase she went through and for some reason, at that time, she just really wanted to be close to me at all times.
I let her sleep with me and DH moved to the spare room during this time. Everyone told us that was wrong, we're making it harder on her etc but I'd much rather have her sleep with me than have the poor thing scream all night. At that age, something is going on and they really must want their mum or dad!
It lasted maybe 3 or so months and one day she just started going back to her own bed on her own.
Hopefully it's just a phase and it won't last much longer. Maybe call one of the sleep hotlines (is Ngala a Aus wide thing, or just WA?) and see what they have to say?? Good luck
04-09-2012 11:10 #17
I know there'll be people who will do the, "Oh, but a 4-year-old is still just a baby..." blah blah responses (I haven't read, but I know BH well enough to guess! lol). I don't buy that though, and with DD, when she pulls that kind of crap, it's a, "I don't care, do it yourself and go to sleep."
I let her know I'm unimpressed. At 4, she's old enough to know that it's not on, is unnecessary and makes Mummy angry!
TBH, I think I'd just ignore it, or go in, do it, but let her know I'm furious and unimpressed. I would hope that might let her know how much of a bad idea it is to keep doing it.
In our house, I'm as important as anyone else, so I don't just turn into a slave for my daughter. I let her know if she's annoyed me, upset me, p*ssed me off... because that's how the world works. People get annoyed when you behave in an annoying way. I want her to learn that. If she has a genuine issue then fine... but she will learn that waking me up for something as dumb as pulling up her blankets, which she can do herself, is not going to be a good decision on her part.
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Purple Lily (04-09-2012)
04-09-2012 11:24 #18
OP, first of all, I want to say it is ok for you to rant it out here. Parenting's the hardest job on earth and we are mere humans...and you posting the situation means you really do care about your DD.
Like some pp say, I think it could be a phase thing. But when you are exhausted and practically her sole care-giver, it can be really demanding and challenging.
I remember DS had this stage before. And it was not due to having another baby on the way. I wasnt pregnant then. He would wake up in the night (not so many times though) maybe once or twice, come to our room and asked us to pull his doona over him. I think he was about 5. For this age, I doubt they know how to pull the doona over esp if it has gone all over the place, so we did it for him. We did it just in case he was really feeling cold. But if it happens quite frequently, I do agree that it may be an attention-seeking thing and it certainly can become a habit.
DS had his CD on whole night since young before we weaned him off at 5. So there were times he would wake up a few times just to start it playing again himself. It was until we set the rule that he could only have it play one round when he went to bed and no more in the night, that he settled and didnt wake up looking for music. Did you have a chat with your DD about her waking and wanting you to pull her blanket over? Have you tried setting some rules for her? Or do a chart with her and have a reward system if she manages to sleep through wo having you to do the blanket?
DS also had problem sleeping in his own room in the beginning. However for him we managed to overcome this easily. He is mad about cars and we would take him to car showrooms if he achieve a certain no of days sleeping in his own room. In the beginning we took him to car showrooms once a week, then slowly stretched to once a fortnight and etc...Now he is fine sleeping in his own room and he goes to car showrooms only once a month. Some kids can be easily motivated if there is a suitable carrot they really want.
And from the way you described, perhaps she needs more loving attention in the day. She does spend quite a lot of time away from you in the day. DS is with me 24 by 7 but you will be surprised, he still seeks a lot of attention from me . They just dont get enough of mummies.
Oh, it would be good if a nice friend can help you take care of DD so you can spend some time on your own for some sanity.
I hope things improve soon esp when you stop work.
04-09-2012 11:37 #19
04-09-2012 11:56 #20
My DD has always been a frustrating sleeper, tries anything and everything to delay, distract and get me in to her.
We have a sticker chart which has worked really well - once the lights are out, if I don't hear from her again until morning (with a few exceptions - going to the toilet or genuinely needing something is ok) she gets a sticker. We've also had a long discussion about "crying wolf" - if she claims to be itchy/sick when she isn't then I won't believe her when she really is itchy/sick.
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