None of this is acceptable.
I strongly suggest you book an appointment to see the maternity social worker at your hospital as soon as possible.
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25-08-2012 20:51 #81
25-08-2012 21:09 #82
what are his beliefs? you say Jewish, but what do his beliefs entail? many do some research and talk to his family to see if this is the truth.
Honestly what sickens me the most is how he is manipulating you? who does he expect to look after his stepchild? You say he is really a good DP....... but he just expects none to look after heat? he sounds mentally ill. your ment to be a family yeah? what would he say if that was "HIS" child.
it's time to start thinking of your daughter, if you want to be a good aren't do what's right for her.
what if your bulbs is sick or has any issues after the birth will you leave your newborn cos he's being a douche ?
25-08-2012 21:12 #83
sorry about the spelling but can't be bothered editing
25-08-2012 21:44 #84Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Brisbane North
25-08-2012 22:20 #85Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
when i had my dd...i got to see her for a few moments at birth...5 minutes a few hours later and then not till the next day.
She needed to be in special care...I was sick and could not get out of bed.
Was i upset? Yes, I was.
However, what i did not do was threaten violence or yell at my DH (who did get to spend time with her in special care...on my instruction, i wanted one of us there with her).
When we become parents we need to stop thinking about "me me me" and start thinking about the welfare of our kids.
Hospitals are not ideal for birthing and bonding and having 24 hour access to bubs. However, they are what we have and I appreciate them saving my little girl even thought i meant for a few days I was "inconvenienced" at having her not with me.
Your partner needs to get a grip and stop being an **** and realise there is a bigger picture here. If he continues like he is and you have her prem...it'll be weeks and weeks of him not having total control!
25-08-2012 22:28 #86
you husband needs to grow up and act like an adult threatning to punch drs and nurses makes him sound like a moron, that may happen on TV but you do that in real life then you are scum and you will get charged, I hope that you can make him see sense
25-08-2012 22:34 #87
Punching nurses :(
I'd be gone!
Just so you know, nowhere in the Jewish religion (any of the different sectors) does it say the father must remain with the mother or baby constantly.
What it does say is that the mother and father should not discuss ANYTHING to do with the baby prior to it being born, so as not to attract bad luck.
No gender issues
No setting up a nursery
No baby showers
It also states that on the first Friday evening after the baby is born (beginning of the sabbath) the entire family and friends must gather in the family's home and pray to the baby so it hears the words of the Torah.
Also the mother and father must remain apart sexually for seven days after a boy is born and fourteen days after a girl.
No kissing, sex, or other stuff.
Nowhere does it state that you can't have visitors!
I have been in several abusive relationships and this just screams 'run while you have the chance'!
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25-08-2012 22:45 #88
Punching nurses :(
It was never a problem with the hospital I went to.. DH was allowed with us the whole time as was DS1 after DS2 was born they just werent allowed to sleep over which was fine with both of us. It was just a public hospital, it was the rest of my extended family etc that were not allowed in except for visiting hours which was fine!
I understand all hospitals are different but maybe there is another hospital you could go to instead?
It's a bit worrying though that you say your daughter is your responsibility and not your DPs you are starting a family with this man... How can she not be his responsibility too, sure he may not be her birth father but how is it fair that he treat her differently if you are going to be a family - that there would be a deal breaker for me! I mean how can you have a family where one child is not being treated as an equal?!
The whole punch the nurses thing just sounds immature and a bit like he is venting and angry which in a way is understandable especially if he wants the first moments with his baby, but it's selfish for him to not want to look after your daughter - his step daughter so that you can stay in hospital and rest!
25-08-2012 22:56 #89Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
People say things when they're angry that they generally don't mean. Just because he says he's going to do this, that and the other, it's coming from a place of anger rather than rational thought. Is it smart, helpful or possible? No. Is it a human reaction? Yes. Is the anger understandable if we put ourselves into 21 year old, first time fathers position? Yes. Is it a good way to express that anger, his feelings, and display his maturity? No.
Can he afford a private room? No.
He's entitled to his feelings, just like every other human being on the planet. All over this forum is discussions about how men don't bond with the baby that well during pregnancy, but the mother has nine months to bond with the baby. It's in her body, she carries it, feels the first kicks, movements, contractions, everything. Nine continuous months. There's nothing that can be done about that.
While I understand the need for privacy in a shared room, I also understand that the first few days are crucial. Bonding is a fantastic experience, and sharing the first moments of your babies life would be some of the most powerful bonding moments in existance, whether that's a few hours or a few days, they're still important. Would you like to be robbed of that?
I understand his anger. I think it's important we all do, because at some point, I imagine every father would feel like this. Jealousy and frustration, and the dissapointment at missing out on his childs first days. They miss out on a lot if the mother's a SAHM. Often, their kids first steps, first words, first day at school if they can't get the day off. First sentence, first smile, everything.
I understand the anger and frustration if it comes from this place, the feeling of being on the outside of their childs life, just watching, with the knowledge that they can't do anything to change it, if they want to be able to provide for their families, make sure they have a good life, food on the table, roof over their head, everything. I would be angry if I missed out on the first days of my childs life, if I had the opportunity to see it, because work has given me that time.
Just because something is the rules doesn't mean we like it any more, and each person is an individual, capable of dealing with things differently. Don't we all take our frustrations out on our partners, even accidentally? I don't condone physical violence, I don't condone domestic abuse, so lets just clear that up right now before someone twists my words and accuses me of that, and I won't even respond to it in a sarcastic manner.
It's important to realise that he is human, and he is a father, and he is a young, impressionable, more than likely a young, terrified person, and is reacting like any scared, dissapointed and sad person would, which is channeling it into anger.
For the record, I do NOT condone violence. I don't condone threatening medical staff. But at this moment in time, he hasn't. He's voiced his frustration and anger. The OP hasn't said that he WOULD act on it, just that he's been saying this is what he would do. When people get angry and blustered, and feel like things are slipping out of their control(and before you start saying he shouldn't be controlling, we are ALL controlling. If you aren't, then you're easilly manipulated and a push over, who accepts things the way they are, and this is a general you and not directed at anyone), they usually react with anger and empty threats.
26-08-2012 03:59 #90
Re: Punching nurses :(
We don't know the man personally to make a judgement if he may do it or not, the only person here that does is the OP. I think she's really concerned about it, that's why she opened this thread and went for counselling. If my husband said that he'd punch someone i'd just laugh because i know he'll never do something like that.
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