It's mine and dh's first and I am 38 weeks.
In movies, on tv, in forums, books, chatting etc- all you hear about is loved up parents-to-be bonding with their beloved bump, learning together and growing as a family, even so early.
He has certainly not bonded with the bump, and I can feel that he and I certainly haven't 'bonded' or 'grown closer' over the last 9 months. If anything I feel alone, miserable and like I am failing through each and every aspect of my life... We are fighting and distant and just can't communicate.
I have felt no closeness to this baby, bump, whatever. I feel revolting and like my body (which was never special by any means), has now as a result of pregnancy been ruined completely and entirely, and I feel like my whole identity is lost.
I don't feel thrill or excitement about meeting this burden which will be my daughter, probably a son though because I have set up for a her -sigh-. I feel sick with guilt, miserable that I have failed her already and am completely overwhelmed by self loathing and worthlessness. I have failed in the process at hand to keep all the balls in my household in the air as well, thus I am now a hopeless wife, housekeeper- and heart breakingly (probably a reflection on what is to come with a baby) I have let my animals down- who are so important to me.
I have failed at being a mother before it even began, and now I just want it all to go away and be back to the life I was so confident and able to manage before.
Does or has anyone ever felt like I do? I just need someone to tell me everything is going to be ok in a few months, or a year and that at some point we will have some kind of family connection and closeness like all these other people out there...
Sorry it's so long, and thank you for taking the time to read.
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20-08-2012 06:55 #1
20-08-2012 07:01 #2
Couldn't read and not comment. I think you def need to speak to a professional about the way your feeling and thinking.
I'm sure once you hold that bub, things will change.
20-08-2012 07:01 #3
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling that way. I would encourage you to talk to your GP, as you may find some counseling helpful to work on these feelings and your concerns.
20-08-2012 07:31 #4
It sounds like you're suffering ante-natal depression. Please go see your GP, they will be able to help you. Also, talk to your OB or midwife about this so they are aware of how you feel. Its important that they know so they can help you and look out for signs of depression.
I suffered post natal depression and felt that sense of failure you're describing. DH and I really struggled too. I saw a PND counsellor, had 2 stays at Tresillian and we went to marriage counselling. All these things really helped.
Don't be afraid to reach out for help, by posting here I think you know you need it.
Having a baby is a huge deal, and it's not all sunshine and lollipops! Arm yourself with the resources in your area and build that support network.
You may find that baby's arrival makes you feel better, but it might not - and thats ok. It may take time to bond and get used to being a mother.
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