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  1. #301
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    Default Re: Long Term TTC with a History of Loss Chat

    Hi girls. Finally back. I had a great holiday though Dh was sick the first week. I am still away but now have my phone. Sorry if I miss anyone I am going from memory.
    Raelene, mega hugs hundreds. Sounds lib e it has been very tough for you.

    Jill- sorry to welcome you

    Stretched that US fantastic

    Pink and girl x . All the best for a healthy and happy pregnancy.

    Me close to ovulating I think but due to me being away for work I am not sure it sill be our month. I was going to stay away but I wanted to see how you all are.

    Sent from my GT-I9300T using BubHub

  2. #302
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    Rae - glad to hear you are feeling better and hope you get a birthday conception
    Spud - sorry to hear AF arrived. Hope OI brings you some success

    luey - what a shame you may miss this month. Hopefully it happens early or late so you don't miss out.

    AFM - I'm considering going to a GP to look at some meds for depression. I feel like crying all the time. Nothing makes me smile anymore. All I can think about is my empty arms and the resentment I feel that everyone around me is pg. I'm thinking if I'm not pg by early next year it's time to give up and move on with our lives. I truly don't think I'm going to get pg and have lost all hope. I've seen so many come and go in these threads and my heart aches so much I can't express it fully.

    I'm at CD 7 so a week until O. Guess we'll just wait and see but I have zero hope left

  3. #303
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    Default Long Term TTC with a History of Loss Chat

    Oh Del... Sending you massive hugs x x

  4. #304
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    thanks pink, it's safe to say I'm at rock bottom atm. Almost 18 months and 2 losses down the track and just can't keep doing this to myself. But I feel like either way I lose. I give up, I'll always been wondering for the rest of my life if we could have had that 3rd. I keep going and I'm going to be (even more) a basket case than I already am.

  5. #305
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    Default Re: Long Term TTC with a History of Loss Chat

    Big hugs del. I also recommend counselling if you haven't already. It may help you work through everything. Meds are good bit I found talking. Take care xxx.

    Sent from my GT-I9300T using BubHub

  6. #306
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    Oh Del, I am so sorry and I know how you feel.

    after the last week and the fight with DP I hit rock bottom too, crying, angry the works. I have been on antidepressants before for a long time and sometimes I wish that the GP hadn't gone down that road as to me in hind sight it seemed like the "easy option" to him. I honestly found that the naturopath helped me more. I was seeing both psychiatrist and naturopath at the same time as being on the anti-d's. It was my psych that suggested the naturo too, to try and help balance everything out.

    I know how you feel as I have been here with you for so very long, although we haven't been able to fall pg since the m/c sometimes I think I am failing as a woman at the end of the day I am here if you ever need to vent to a complete stranger that stills feels more comfortable talking about EWCM here than IRL!

  7. #307
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    Oh Lama I told DH only a few days ago I'm a failure as a woman. I know, I have 2 kids already. But the first took over 4 years.

    I worked out tonight that between the 2 kids I have, and this current journey, I have ttc to 77 cycles all up - that 6.5 years. Is that bloody depressing or what? 54 for DD, 6 for DS and 17 for this one. It's no wonder I'm coo coo

    Thank you so much girls <3 without all of you I don't know what I'd do.

  8. #308
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    Default Re: Long Term TTC with a History of Loss Chat

    No matter how long the journey everyone still deserves their happy ending

    Sent from my HTC Incredible S using BubHub

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  10. #309
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    Hang in there Del, you can do this. I've just come from where you're going and trust me you don't want to go there. All I could focus on was all my losses, my potential last cycle, birthdays, anniversaries, miracles that never made it and I felt like such a failure too. I was in a very dangerous place but there were a few things that pulled me back up from the abyss. First, there was the support of everyone here, honestly, without it, I don't know where I would have been. I also have to thank DH because even when things were really, really bad and I felt he didn't care, it genuinely was because he thought I'd bounce back again like I always have and he just didn't know how to cope with this woman whose dream was crumbling before her eyes. It came up on the weekend again when we were talking with some friends and I started crying again as I recounted 'the week that was' so to speak and he was incredibly sad but it hit home for him when he realised just how much I had gone through before I got to a point where I could no longer get back up on my own again. I had asked him to take me to hospital. I knew I was depressed, I was way past depressed and needed to be in a psych. hospital but he didn't take me. He was wiser than me. He knew that it was an escape and I needed to deal with my pain if I was ever going to have another chance at conceiving. If I don't work through it, I'll always be too afraid and then I'll never have what I want most in the world.

    I too thought about self medicating with all my anti depressants and mood stabilisers but there was one thing that stopped me there too (I knew how much to take to even myself out again, I'd had them so many times before). The reality of what I was thinking of doing hit home though...if I take those medications, I will have an even smaller chance of having a baby. I know that you can't take those meds during pregnancy and even if I did get utd while taking them, it wouldn't have survived. So, in my own little mind I suppose I reasoned that DH was right. The only way to get through and meet my miracle (because I know that she/he has to be waiting for me) is to work through the grief. I can't accept that the universe or God or whatever has allowed so much loss and pain, as my friends said on the weekend because I questioned them, they are quite religious, I asked them 'what God would allow such suffering to occur when you've not done anything wrong and you're a good person'. All they could say was that's not the way it's meant to be, nobody is meant to go through what we're going through. If you want some extra help, I don't know if you can take St. John's Wort during pregnancy but I'm told it does work.

    Sometimes I sit back wonder why I must go through what I do to achieve this pregnancy that I want more than anything and I know there's a reason, I just haven't worked it out yet. But one thing I do know is that if I give up, I'm not being true to myself, I'm giving up on this miracle that 's waiting for me to be ready to accept them into my life, I'm running away from my pain, my fears and taking what would be for me, the easy way out. I don't think we're that different Del. You can get through this, hold my hand, cry if you want to, God knows I do still, be afraid because I still am but you know what? We can do this and we will have our little miracles sooner than we realise but not before we can let go of the pain and hurt. We want to be happy when our bubs come along and this is the right place to start.

  11. #310
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    Lama, hang in there too...gee, if only the 3 of us were a lot closer geographically, we could all catch up for coffee and give each real hugs!


 

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