Smacking

[october]

What is the alternative to a smack on the hand for a almost 2 year old?
Need advice
Thank you

[OJandMe]

I've never smacked my two year old.

If I'm not within arms reach I call out "Lysander Stop!" And then I rush over and say "this is not for Lysander" or "hot" or "dangerous" or whatever it is...

And then I say "let's go and find ....... " A toy he likes.

If it's for something like hitting. I put him in time out and make him say sorry... but he has 4 older brothers, so he knows the protocols of this.

[Elijahs Mum]

I'm the same, never smacked my 22 month old, distraction is key or if he try's to do/get something he shouldn't I say " not for Elijah" or " Elijah not to touch" and pick him up and move him, on the odd occasion he has bitten ( always DH never me a d its always to get his attention!) he puts him down and says " we don't bite, biting hurts daddy" and he walks away, then we always try and explain why he can't do something , I'm lucky (so far!) we haven't had tantrums yet!

[october]

I've never smacked my two year old.

If I'm not within arms reach I call out "Lysander Stop!" And then I rush over and say "this is not for Lysander" or "hot" or "dangerous" or whatever it is...

And then I say "let's go and find ....... " A toy he likes.

If it's for something like hitting. I put him in time out and make him say sorry... but he has 4 older brothers, so he knows the protocols of this.

I really like the idea of time out. How do you do it? For how long? Where?

[Witwicky]

We don't smack at all. We either use distraction or gently remove them from the situation and calmly explain why they should or shouldn't do xyz, depending on what has happened. We attempt to model positive, loving behaviour in all situations. We talk about feelings a lot...before children can talk, they express their feelings through actions. So, frustration might involve hitting or screaming. It's emotionally confusing and probably very annoying for them to lack the ability to properly convey their feelings. Consequently, we use a lot of 'feeling words' to help DS to label particular feelings with an actual word.

I think that it helps enormously to have realistic expectations of their cognitive capabilities... I would never expect my son to complete a task that requires more attention than he is capable of maintaining. That is just setting him up to fail, and it's frustrating to see a parent disciplining their child in those circumstances. I also wouldn't leave my son to roam free in a room filled with dangerous items and expect him to stay away and safe from it all, then bark out 'No, don't touch' every three minutes. That's just frustrating for everyone.

I also bear in mind that certain influences affect my son's behaviours - he is more likely to play up if hungry, bored or tired, so if I attempt to eliminate those things (where possible!).

I also try to save 'No' for situations that are a bit more dangerous/serious. If the word 'No' is overused, it loses its effectiveness. If my sons are about to touch something dangerous and I call out 'No!', they will stop. I try to save the word for the big things.

[OJandMe]

I only use time out for sibling rivalry. I do not encourage the use of time out on a two year old being a two year old. I think distraction is the best method, and talking to them, being with them and getting them involved in what you are doing.

If they are 'getting into' too many things... babyproof the house. it is their learning environment, they are going to want to explore. Make it a place they CAN, I'm a strong supporter of making a 'yes' environment. Yes, you can touch that, because I have made it safe for you to touch. Yes you can climb on that, I expected you would like to try out that milestone... so I have secured it for you and made sure you have spaces to climb... I know that bookshelf looks nice to climb, but how about I show you how you can climb these blocks and ladders I have for you outside. Wow that looks interesting, yes you can taste it, because I have not left anything toxic available to you, but I can't promise it will taste good.

Theirs is a world of learning. Ours is as their first educator. Every day is about learning... they lose their curiosity if they are put in time out and told "no" everytime they try to learn something new.

But to answer your question. I have a mat down the hall that says "The Time Out Mat".. and I pick him up and sit him there and say "you are in time out because you were fighting with your brother. In our family we are nice to each other" I tell him he has to stay there until I come back and get him.

Then when I come back I take him to the brother he hurt and say "you were in time out because you hurt ........ Are you going to say sorry?" And he says "Sorry" and gives them a hug.

[SpecialPatrolGroup]

I have heard that if you use time out to only have them there for one minute for each year of their age - 2 minutes for a 2 year old. My dd is nearly 3 and I have just started trying this out but I can't be sure that I have made her sit there for the full 2 miuntes, just enough that she gets that she has been removed from something because she has done something inappropriate. She is warned the first time and only taken there if she repeats within a short time frame IYKWIM. But I try not to use this one and prefer to talk about things with her. I am very fortunate that she is very verbal so she often can tell me what is happening for her.

[october]

Thanks girls all really good advice
I think positive reinforcement for good behavior and choosing my battles for inappropriate behavior is our only choice at the moment
He seems a bit young for time out, this is obviously the next step though