the learn really fast hun...seriously, ds8 is already aware. he knows mentally and emotionally that dh and i are parenting him....he has "sleepovers" at ex's. sleep overs are "fun"...but not "normal time".
he loves going there (1 night a f/n) but when offered a holiday with them, it took convincing him (god, that was hard lol) and i convinced him he would be ok for 6 nights.
my ex pretty good these days, but it was a long long journey to get here. i remember the years of being so scared of him. the scariest days being the ones he was nice...because i knw he was planning something horrid
it is a constant internal battle, putting our kids best interest over our self interest. hang in there.
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13-08-2012 11:50 #31Senior Member
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13-08-2012 12:04 #32Senior Member
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- Jun 2010
Really sorry to hear that things are so tough. It must be very difficult for you. It's a bit left field but is there any chance you could try to think of it as two separate people, your ex the $@?/)$ and ds's dad the one who provides something, however small for your son? This may act as some "insulation" to protect from those triggers? But at the end of the day you need to look after your mh, so do what's right for you. An explanation like mummy and daddy love you very much but daddy has hurt mummy in the past(no details required) and it makes mummy sad to think about it. But mummy is happy that spending time with daddy makes you happy. I'm just rambling but it may be good to think if something to say just in case iykwim??
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13-08-2012 12:46 #33
i don't have any advice whatsoever, I just wanted to let you know in no way could anyone think you are crap or selfish. It sounds like a horrendous situation for you to be facing. I imagine you'd like to yell "STOP. THAT'S ENOUGH" but you don't, so that shows you are not crap or horrendous. You sound like a pretty good parent to me.
13-08-2012 14:00 #34-
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- Apr 2012
There's got to be some way you can get help? Can dp (or someone) look after DS while you go to after hours/weekend counselling? Is there a phone counsellIng service? Perhaps your gp can recommend flexible options.
It's like trying to fix a leaky roof of a house without addressing the crumbling foundations. Just not good in the long run.. Mummas have to look after themselves!
Last edited by VicPark; 13-08-2012 at 14:03.
13-08-2012 16:37 #35
Oh my, I do wish I had some good advice on how you could tackle this! One thing I can tell you from experience (from when I was a child) is that your sons constant chatter about awesome daddy speaks volumes about how much he seeks approval from his father. Focusing on the few positive experiences he has with his dais seems like a way for him to convince himself that he has an awesome dad more than actually believing it.
As he grows he will eventually understand the situation for what it is. He will figure it out I promise you, and he will cherish his mummy so so much and appreciate all you have been through for him. Kids aren't 'unaware' as such. They just do their very best to behave 'normally' and like their family is great and normal and your son seems like he's trying really hard to do this with all his 'dad is awesome' chatter.
Does this make any sense?? I'm not saying its definitely what's going on but as a kid who went through similar this is just what I think could be happening.
Good luck with it b
13-08-2012 16:44 #36
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