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  1. #1
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    Default I love you but...

    "I love you but you make it really hard sometimes"
    How would you feel if your other half said this to you?
    Would you take it as a judgement on your character? As a suggestion that you are somehow too flawed to love wholeheartedly or would you just take it as you have a few small things that need working on?

  2. #2
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    For our situation the latter!

    Hugs...

    ETA: however I would feel pretty hurt.
    Last edited by babylove81; 12-08-2012 at 12:31.

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  4. #3
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    Hugs, I would probably take offence.

    My husband has never said anything like that but looking at it objectively I would know what he meant! I think I would be hard to love sometimes!

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  6. #4
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    My hubby says to me that he loves me but doesn't really like me at that moment, and I say it when it applies to him.
    I take it to mean that even though we love each other, sometimes the other is being a pain in the butt and we're annoyed at each other.

    I don't take offense and either does he. It makes us address whatever is bothering us..

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  8. #5
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    I know I'm hard to love most of the time but I have PTSD (not that this is an excuse at all) and I think that sometimes he should overlook some of the small stuff. Unfortunately he doesn't, at all! Eg: not filling up the kettle, not double checking the bathroom door is shut properly, not rinsing the ring off the sink after doing dishes.. These are all things he has reprimanded me on in the last 2 months. It makes me a bad mother and bad wife. In my defense, they're not things I forget to do on a regular basis and I have 4 children, my youngest is only 4 months old. I swear whenever I'm faced with a trigger and my swearing sets dp off, screaming at me that I'm disgusting, disrespectful, selfish and ignorant and putting the kids lives at risk. I try to control myself in trigger situations (pray to god, change my thought patterns etc) and have managed to get it down to the occasional ffs or eff off, whereas beforehand it was physical reactions, I'd punch, kick or throw whatever was closest. He knows my triggers and doesn't try anything at all to help or avoid them. But it all comes back to me, and that it's my fault. That I'm hard to love and I'm not a good enough wife..

  9. #6
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    I'd be a bit hurt. but if I would try to be logical about it. I would take it as my partner is really frustrated by something I do and has just expressed it a bit clumsily. None of us are perfect and it's sometimes difficult to say things nicely when we're angry.

    Try to step up, be the bigger person and work on the real problem without getting caught up in the emotion. Hopefully your partner will then follow your lead. Then instead of it being "I'm upset and it's all your fault," the conversation can be, "we have a joint problem, let's sort it out together."

  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by mummykahla View Post
    I know I'm hard to love most of the time but I have PTSD (not that this is an excuse at all) and I think that sometimes he should overlook some of the small stuff. Unfortunately he doesn't, at all! Eg: not filling up the kettle, not double checking the bathroom door is shut properly, not rinsing the ring off the sink after doing dishes.. These are all things he has reprimanded me on in the last 2 months. It makes me a bad mother and bad wife. In my defense, they're not things I forget to do on a regular basis and I have 4 children, my youngest is only 4 months old. I swear whenever I'm faced with a trigger and my swearing sets dp off, screaming at me that I'm disgusting, disrespectful, selfish and ignorant and putting the kids lives at risk. I try to control myself in trigger situations (pray to god, change my thought patterns etc) and have managed to get it down to the occasional ffs or eff off, whereas beforehand it was physical reactions, I'd punch, kick or throw whatever was closest. He knows my triggers and doesn't try anything at all to help or avoid them. But it all comes back to me, and that it's my fault. That I'm hard to love and I'm not a good enough wife..
    Absolutely, that small stuff should not matter whether you have PTSD or not! Maybe he needs to see someone to try and understand a bit more of what PTSD means/how it manifests and how he can help you...and also to get some support himself, which in turn will help him to be more of a support to you.


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  12. #8
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    In a marriage we all get frustrated with the other person, and sometimes those little things can get really irritating. My DH is always having a go at me about things like that - not shutting the toilet door, unplugging the fish tank to vacuum, etc. And I'm really hard on him if he stuffs up DS' routine, etc. It's just marriage. If it was serious fundamental stuff he was having a go at you about then I think it would be concerning, eg. money issues or your religious beliefs.

    What he said wasn't nice. Tell him how it made you feel, hopefully he will apologise and let it go. I'd bet he meant "it's frustrating" instead of "it's hard".

  13. #9
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    It wasn't said out of anger. It's been 3 days since we have had any kind of argument! The problem I have is he can't just say "oh the kettle is empty" it's always "how hard is it to fill the damn kettle, its right next to the sink, you sit on your a$$ all day, you have plenty of time to put water in the kettle..oh the baby was crying? You could've left him for 5sec to fill it"
    I always say sorry, I'm forever apologizing but it's never good enough, he just says well it's not the hard to do the right thing. I honestly think that I cause him that much stress that he can't control himself even over small things. He never fills the kettle, checks doors or rinse the sink either for the record.

  14. #10
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    with all due respect...from what you have just described...i think you both would benefit from some couples counselling.

    Speaking like you speak to each other will hurt your kids in the long run...swearing at each other (or them) and getting so hung up on the little stuff is not healthy for anyone.

    hugs, i hope you and your partner find a happier lifestyle soon.

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