Hi! I need some advise, I left my sons father 12 months ago. To keep things out of court he asked that we go week about with our son and I said yes. We have an agreement that works fine. Problem is father didn't like me moving on with my life and refuses to communicate with me, if I need to communicate I have to go through his mum. Next thing is his behavior, it is clear to me, my partner and family that there are two sets of rules (as can be expected) however when I get my son back his tantrums and behavior are horrible. I work all week to get him to be how he is with me and then it just goes down the drain. Last thing is I now have a newborn. He is adapted to this and loves his sister. I need to know am I doing the right thing by going week about with someone who is so young, I often wonder if the two sets or different rules is good for a two yo. I don't want to take him from his dad and I don't want him being taken from our family I just want to do what is right for him. Please help this lost and confused mummy, I just want to do what is right.
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11-08-2012 08:07 #1
2 yo in split family
11-08-2012 08:12 #2
I honestly think its young . It's very unsettling for any child but that age they need routine .
We do it with a 13 year old special needs child and I hate it . But as step mum I have no choice!
11-08-2012 08:13 #3
I have a 2 yr old and split from his father 12 months ago also. There is no way I could go week on week off just yet. We went to mediation ad the mediator explained to ex that at that age it's not advisable. Would probably suit when he starts school.
We agreed that DS would go out every Friday and then spend every second weekend at his house. And a phone call on Wednesday (which ex doesn't do)
Ur DS needs consistency. It's not fair on him. Even if u went to mediation to discuss ur parenting methods so you are both on the same page that way....?
11-08-2012 08:46 #4
I agree that they definitely need consistency at that age. My kids were 2 & 4 when I separated from my then husband. We went straight to 50/50 (ish) but with a 3 day there/4 days here arrangement.
Ten years later, this is still working quite well but I think the difference is that is that ex-h and I have always communicated quite well, and been on the same page in terms of rules, expectations etc.
I reckon that if that good communication isn't an option, maybe you need to look at either communicating through a third-party (mediator, his mum?) or changing the arrangement.
11-08-2012 09:04 #5
I'm glad then that I am not the only one that thinks this arrangement is not for a two yo. I have tried asking DS about mediation early in the happenings of this but he said that he wouldn't go. The only person that is the 'mediator' is DS mum but she thinks my son needs the week about which I think is silly as she has worked in child care for 20 odd years. It's hard for me to get them to see what I see. I feel they turn a blind eye to it. The fact that I can see they give into our son with what ever he wants is probably why whereas he has boundaries when he is with us.
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