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11-08-2012 09:02 #11
11-08-2012 09:34 #12Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
I will not be sharing all my life's experiences with my kids.
That being said, I'd like my kids to learn from my mistakes not repeat them.
They already know that I used to smoke, they already know how much money I wasted by smoking and how much risk I placed in my health by smoking. Hopefully they'll understand my mistake and not repeat it.
There are other things I've done that done that they don't need to know about but I will be compassionate should they ever find themselves in trouble for things I hit away with.
I have learnt from my own parents mistakes and dome best to ensure I don't repeat those mistakes - including having compassion for my kids when they do make mistakes.
11-08-2012 09:38 #13
I wont be going into every gory detail There are some things they don't need to know. I will tell them the things I have done in basic terms and answer any questions they have....hopefully it will give me some credibilty in their eyes, that I do know what I am talking about, who knows? I know kids need to sometimes find out for themselves but we can all do the best we can with what we have hey?
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11-08-2012 09:50 #14
I work of the thinking that we all make mistakes and do things we wish we didnt, ( although im sure there are some perfect hubbers that havent lol) i dont think that means that its hyporcritical to not encourage our kids not to make the same mistakes.
I would cover my self with the line yes I did but i want better for YOU and you should want better for your self.
My dad didnt smoke when I started smoking he handt for years but we had seen pics and remember him having a smoke years before but he said that when he smokes there was not the anti smoking campaigns that they are now it wasnt known HOW bad it was.
I think hiding things from our kids so we can not sound hypocritical is much worse cause the back fire if they find otu is going to sting.
As far as things people still do, if i smoked ( im dont) and didnt want my kids to i would be still be telling them that smoking is bad and i would think it would be a dam good insentive to quit to
11-08-2012 09:52 #15
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12-08-2012 13:14 #16
12-08-2012 13:41 #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
yep, i lead by example NOW...they didn't know/see me when i was a teen/young adult and i don't see how advising them to not do some of the silly things I did now as making me a hypocrite...i feel more that i would be lax in my duty as a parent not to share the wisdom I have gained.
That said...i want them to live and have fun...but without some of the dangers I faced. I am more aware of the world than my parents were...but, as an example.
My mum drilled into my sister and I not to marry young, not to marry because we felt we had to and not to marry because we wanted to have sex lol She did...and she regretted it, was in an abusive marriage and it took her ages to get the courage to leave. She also told us, that if we were unhappy in our marriage and had tried all to fix it, then to leave and she would always be there.
Now, is she a hypocrite for telling us not to follow her path? NOPE...she is sharing her wisdom.
I already talk to DS about dancing all night and seeing the sunrise...and I hope he does this at least a few times in his life...with a great bunch of friends etc...but, as he gets older we will go more into the dangers of drugs etc and I hope he does not follow my destructive path of my early 20's (it was messy).
I think, by sharing our knowledge in a respectful way...it helps our kids. I am not big on being a total authoritarian...but, i will certainly try and guide him. DS and I had a massive talk yesterday (long car trip with just the 2 of us) that started as he made up a song about suicide...we spoke about how there was never ever anything he could do that would make me not want him around and how, if he ever felt low or sad, that he should come to me first. We talked about depression and making stupid decisions and sometimes even the best people do things that go against their own morals...and these things, no matter how bad, needed to be talked about and accepted as a mistake.
I will lead my kids towards the best path possible...and be there to help them back onto their path when ever they need it. It's not one convo when they are 18...it's a million convo's from when they are born. DS is 8...and I hope we never ever stop talking and being honest with each other...this means that when he is 18 or 25...he will still come to me for guidance, not for me to demand he do things.
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