I just need to get this out really.
My baby is 2 weeks old. My hubby is the most amazing father, so so helpful. The baby blues came around day 4 and seemed to leave a few days later. Since then I have felt like a robot on auto pilot. I do have my moments of laughter, but I have my moments of crying for no reason, crying because I feel like a failure/inadequate, crying because I feel guilty if hubby looks after bubs and lets me sleep... today has been the worst day yet, I dont know how many times I have cried. I also take any jokes the wrong way, and am quite snappy to hubby and my parents (who we live with).
Hubby caught me crying in the bathroom today. He gave me cuddles and then later asked (in a really nice way) if I could have PND. I dont feel depressed, I dont feel like its the end of the world or that the world is caving in.
- like a failure
I should be happy. I have a healthy baby. We TTC for 2.5 years to get this bub and yet I'm not happy. I just want to enjoy this, not dread being alone with the baby, or dread every feed.
Our baby has jaundice and falls asleep at the boob. It takes an hour to feed him, then I try to express as we have to give him top ups in a bottle. I never know if he is full or not, and then when I see him scull down a 50ml bottle after I fed him for an hour I just feel like a failure.
Hubby goes back to work in a couple of weeks. I will be alone during the day (until mid afternoon) and will have to do it alone during the night so hubby can sleep. I am just so scared. I dont think I can do it.
Is this just hormonal? I didnt think PND set in at 2 weeks post birth? Does it get any better? Does it get any easier?
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09-08-2012 21:00 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Just hormonal or PND?
09-08-2012 21:11 #2
So sorry you feel like this. I'm not too sure what to say. I had PBS but wasn't diagnosed until dd was 6months. I know that for a month after she was born all I did was cry. After that I had feelings of inadequacy and major guilt.
I don't think there's a magic solution but definitely see your doctor and have a chat. It could be that you are just feeling overwhelmed. It's a huge change being a mum and you don't have to enjoy every minute.
Remember, you are doing your best and it's alright to feel the way you feel. It's all hormones and a major upheaval in your life. It doesn't mean your a bad mum or that you don't love your baby just because it's not all a breeze. Big hugs.
Feel free to pm me, dd is 16 months and I can let you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The first few weeks are hard, wether you have Pnd or not.
09-08-2012 21:12 #3
I have not personally suffered from PND but can relate to what you are describing!
I felt exactly this way in those early weeks/months...
I think I personally had unrealistic expectations of what I 'should' have been able to do, cope with alone etc.... So any help or assistance from anyone felt like I was a failure or inadequate!
I would cry myself to sleep, cry while feeding DS or settling him.
All I can say is at some point I realised that these feelings were ok.
I just let myself have a cry if I needed to. I'm not sure if I did have PND or if it was hormones and exhaustion.
All I can tell you is it did end.
You are not inadequate or a failure!
You are on a steep learning curve and doing it on little and broken sleep!
Take any help you can, you deserve it!
Talk to your MCHN about how you are feeling though, don't ever suffer in silence as there is so much support out there, we just have to reach out for it.
09-08-2012 21:14 #4
It is possible that it's hormonal. But PND can set in from child birth anywhere to 18 months of age.
I would suggest going to your gp and just talk to them. There are plenty of different medications for PND or counseling is another option.
21-09-2012 23:26 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Thought Id update anyone who comes across this thread.
I did the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression test and got a score of 10 around the time of the original post above. It eventually spiraled out to a 17 and that was with me lying about the self harm question at the end (I didnt want the CAFs nurse to know about my self harm thoughts and even thoughts about harming my baby). I also suffered anxiety and panic attacks. Anytime I left home without my baby (had a babysitter), I had a panic attack in the driveway not wanting to go back inside once I came home.
Anyway, I went to the GP (which was very hard, but I knew it was the best for my baby, he needs a mum who is happy and who loves him) and went on Zoloft. It took a week to see any improvements, and after 2 weeks I was feeling MUCH better. Its been 6 weeks since my above post, and I feel like a completely different person. I actually enjoy being with my baby now. We have the best fun! I am also trying to make mummy friends. I had no idea other mums felt the same.
If you are reading this and are feeling how I felt. Please see your GP and also find someone to talk to. Things can and will get better. Feel free to message me if you want to talk.
Last edited by LoveHeart; 21-09-2012 at 23:30.
21-09-2012 23:42 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
Thank you for the update and for being so honest!
I am only 17wks pregnant, but will be at risk of PND, so it's good to see other experience and their follow up.
It is good to know that PND does not just 'show up', but starts off a little bit 'in disguise'.
Thank you very much and I am glad you sought help and are enjoying motherhood.
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22-09-2012 00:01 #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
The Following User Says Thank You to LoveHeart For This Useful Post:
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