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  1. #21
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    People need to be more empathetic but they also need to understand that everyone goes through ****ty things. Nobodies life is perfect. Yes people go through harder times then others but I think its how we cope with it that matters. If I see someone isn't coping with something I try and help out no matter what it is. Because that's what a decent human being should do. Pity there are not more decent human beings in the world

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nowhere View Post
    I think that we all do it from time to time, like we have a head ache so feel like cr*p so dont work to capacity while we have the head ache, So dont do that load of washing we need to do, dont read that book the child asks for, make a lazy tea etc, i dont seee an issue with that its when the head aches gone and all is fine and the behaviour carries on that is when its an excuse
    I agree and disagree. Completely good point re. the headache. But what about when it is more serious things that have lasting consequences/scars for the person? Like, someone who has been sexually abused all their life and then it stops? I certainly believe behaviours and struggles would carry on for sometime, especially without the right help.

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  5. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by IrishDanceMum View Post
    An ex friend of mine used being raped at 5 years old and being sexually abused as an excuse for her to go out and sleep with every Tom **** and Harry. She used to justify what what she did by using happened to happened to her as an excuse.

    What happened to her as as child might have been the reason she acts the way she does but u justify her behaviour by using it as excuse just so her behaviour is acceptable to her in her mind.
    Wow. Ok. Well, you know what? After I was r.aped, I also slept with every Tom D and Harry. As have a lot of other people who have been r.aped. I am reasonably sure this is considered a fairly 'normal' behaviour after r.aped. And by 'normal', I mean a common behaviour.

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  7. #24
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    I don't actually know too many people who use things as an excuse though. It tends to be the people around them who label it as an excuse and accuse them of using xyz as an excuse for their behaviour. When really, they were just giving an explanation, or reason or just simply reaching out and talking about what has happened to them.

    Rather than show empathy, or try to understand and offer support, some people choose to see others as just using 'excuses'. Life is so much more complicated than that.

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  9. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by IrishDanceMum View Post
    An ex friend of mine used being raped at 5 years old and being sexually abused as an excuse for her to go out and sleep with every Tom **** and Harry. She used to justify what what she did by using happened to happened to her as an excuse.

    What happened to her as as child might have been the reason she acts the way she does but u justify her behaviour by using it as excuse just so her behaviour is acceptable to her in her mind.
    Why is it unacceptable to sleep around? Why does she even have to justify it?

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  11. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alexander Beetle View Post
    Why is it unacceptable to sleep around? Why does she even have to justify it?
    Right on! My thoughts exactly.

  12. #27
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    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    Yes to some extent I believe someones past experiences can be the cause of and excuse for certain behaviours. Sometimes people have no idea they act or re-act in a certain way because of their experiences, simply sometimes people don't know any better. However I don't believe our experiences have to shape us. I believe some people, like myself, are lucky to get insight into their behavior and can then choose to make changes... This is no black and white, there are so many shades of grey when it comes to this.

  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theophania View Post
    Yes to some extent I believe someones past experiences can be the cause of and excuse for certain behaviours. Sometimes people have no idea they act or re-act in a certain way because of their experiences, simply sometimes people don't know any better. However I don't believe our experiences have to shape us. I believe some people, like myself, are lucky to get insight into their behavior and can then choose to make changes... This is no black and white, there are so many shades of grey when it comes to this.
    I agree with this. I also consider myself incredibly lucky to have had the opportunity to gain insight (and some only just recently, it's a continual joint) and have the opportunities and tools to be able to work on my 'stuff' and be able to be a good role model for my children. I don't for one second believe that eveyone has that chance.

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  15. #29
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    Oh gosh! Joint should say journey!! Autocorrect!

  16. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchknickers View Post
    I agree and disagree. Completely good point re. the headache. But what about when it is more serious things that have lasting consequences/scars for the person? Like, someone who has been sexually abused all their life and then it stops? I certainly believe behaviours and struggles would carry on for sometime, especially without the right help.
    Yer it's a hard one, sure something's take a long time to get over something you never do but at some point we have to work how best we can get throughout life dispite the problems and grief. It's not always in our control but we can try I don't think bad situation means people can be nasty for no reason

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