I'm 22 and this will be our second baby. I don't see my friends as much as I did but I do see them still and when we see each other it's like nothing has changed but I have extra cute stories to tell them. There have been times when we've all been busy and I haven't seen them for a few months but good friends you always go back to and we keep in contact over fb.
Most of them are at uni and go out clubbing. I join them for birthdays if I can organise it but mostly they will visit me at my house (I don't have my license yet).
I have a new set of friends too that are mums so I can talk to them about all the "baby" stuff and listen to my younger friends talk about movies/travel etc.
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05-08-2012 21:50 #11
05-08-2012 22:27 #12-
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
Yes like PP's have said, don't try to bring up bubs (baked or still baking) too often.
When my friends ask about DS, I will talk about him. Otherwise I just talk about other things we used to talk to before I had DS. Like clothes, food, music, movies, etc.
The only thing is that I can't go out with them as often as I want, as DS will have to tag along and not all of them like the idea of shopping with a screaming 2yo in tow
Also, do not forget that you will make new friends as well. You can join new mum groups, or meet new "mums to be" at antenatal classes. When bubs is old enough (around 6 months or so), you can take him/her to playgroup to socialize with other little ones and meet up with other mums and dads.
So there is plenty of opportunity to make new friends. All is not lost yet
06-08-2012 07:39 #13
First of all, congratulations!
My partner and I are both 23.
I'll be completely honest: pregnancy is like a friendship detox. Some people who I thought were my best friends, disappeared off the face of the planet - relatively quickly, too. I got put on bed rest towards the end and I never heard boo from them. DS is now 3 weeks old and rather than having them banging down the door to meet him, I got generic Facebook messages.
But other friendships, strengthened. And they love my boy and refer to him as their nephew.
And I have found wonderful support from mothers I've met on the Internet - I don't care how lame that sounds! I think it's important to find some friends that are mums/mums to be.
With the friends I lost, I really tried. I played designated driver for as long as my body would let me, I would try to organize lunch dates etc and even though I was dying to talk about my pregnancy, I just asked them about their lives and tried to keep it as "normal" as possible. But some people just can't handle these types if situations.
But you know what? You are really, truly better off without those people, if the same thing happens to you. I was so hurt by it and questioned it my entire pregnancy, but as soon as he was born, I was whistling a different tune. I have a kid to set an example for, and life lesson #1 was that friendships take effort, but should bring love and happiness to your life, not pain. And that you should focus your energy on the good people that make you happy and not worry about the people that don't worry about you.
My son deserves a mum who is in a good head space, so im working very hard on letting those friendships go.
This turned into a massive essay, sorry...
06-08-2012 08:01 #14-
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
In my experience you will drift away from them a bit because your main priority is going to be your new baby and you family. you can still see them regularly its up to you how much you contact them but there is going to be lots of times that you just can't go out.
join a new parents group and do antenatal classes i've made so many friends through those 2 things and i do still have stuff to do with my childless friends but i have other friends that are going through exactly the same thing as us and i just know that when my other friends start having kids we will become closer again because they are in the same position
06-08-2012 08:10 #15
It's true, a lot of people will drop out of your life. It's normal! And some of the ones that don't will come out with things like "can't you just get a babysitter?".
They don't understand, it's not their fault . But it will happen, and you'll find that people you thought would vanish will tell you in a couple of months time that they're pregnant too. It really is a friendship detox, but the ones who count won't go anywhere.
06-08-2012 08:17 #16
I haven't read any other responses, so nfi what they said and am sorry if I repeat any, however I'm going to talk from experience.
It really is simple. Yes, you are going to lose some friends. Maybe not all, maybe all of them, but really, it's life. We were in the same situation and as a matter of factly have incredibly few friends and none we actually physically socialise with. It sucks too, because we try to make new ones, but other mothers in the area are in their late 30's with NO interest in us as we're "too young, inexperienced and just not for us" (yes, a real life bish said this to us, once).
People, especially around this age group (I'm 25 myself, had DD at 23) are focused on their own lives and see others who have children as boring, fuddy duddy and if not, they tend to drift purely because they think that us, as parents, are too busy and aren't interested in the social aspects of their life anymore.
Brace yourself to lose some friends, but trust me, at the end of the day, it's nice to see who your real friends are who stick around and how honoured they are to actually see this beautiful new life flourish and grow.
06-08-2012 17:40 #17
Thanks for all of the advice! My very best friend is sort of a separate friend to the friends I mentioned and is so excited about the arrival of bub. Her and I are the same age and are at the same stage in our lives, ie have bought houses, are married and she's starting to think about a baby of her own too, so I know she'll be by my side :-)
And with this group of friends I mentioned earlier, I'm a bit surprised about one in particular, she says she doesn't like kids (though hasn't said anything like that since falling pregnant), but yesterday she was telling me when she see's our baby she's going to spray and wipe it before she picks it up or plays with it - she was the one I thought I'd struggle a bit with, so maybe she not as tough as she pretends ;-)
But I'll definitely make a point of talking to friends about their holidays and work, and have heard that the antenatal classes are a good place to meet other new mums so hopefully will get all my mum-talk out of the way with them :-) also my sister has 2 young kids and I love talking to her about her bubbies so we can do baby talk together too :-)
Thanks again everyone!
06-08-2012 22:43 #18
You will without a doubt drift, however, concentrate on how many wonderful things are coming into your life with this beautiful bubba and don't worry so much about what will leave! You can try to have a strategy for how to keep the friendship group together but that may all go out the window when bub is born, we have an 11 month old baby girl and when we were pregnant we always said that we would never be those parents who stop everything for the baby. Turns out our little one likes to be asleep for the night by 6:30!!! It's the only way she doesn't wake 100 times a night, after months of sleepless nights we finally worked it out, now we don't go out unless it's a function of some kind because if she is out of routine I don't sleep for a week!! Some friends understand and are happy to hang out at our place and as for the others I really don't care, have no time to care, baby is lots of work, great fun and totally consumes us so we don't even worry about the close friends we used to have!!
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06-08-2012 23:17 #19
When I was pregnant, everyone who I'd lost contact with suddenly appeared back in my life wanting to know everything, soon as DD was born, those people vanished as quickly as they appeared.
The people who are your true friends, your absolute true friends will stick by you through it all. That's what I believe. If they leave for that, they're not right for you.
Last edited by aish; 06-08-2012 at 23:19.
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