When you met your partner dd you have the same life goals? Completely different goals?
How did you find a middle ground with someone you love, but want completely different things to? How did you talk about it without arguments arising?
If you did compromise on something you had always strived for, how did you find peace with that?
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04-08-2012 16:32 #1
04-08-2012 16:53 #2
No I don't think either of us had any goals. We were both at very dark stages of our lives. But in regards to having a goal that you may have to compromise, I always wanted to study when I was with my ex I couldn't afford to as he was a deadbeat and I had to work full time to support us, and I couldn't afford the associated fees. It became one more thing I resented him for, so I think it's very important to chase your dreams whilst yes, still realizing that compromise goes a long way. HTH
04-08-2012 17:20 #3-
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We both wanted kids. That's the only real life goals we both had. He had pretty much accomplished another major life goal for us before we had met - owning a house, so I had that ticked off pretty early on.
Now we are finding other life goals to accomplish together, like building our own home, getting married. Eventually we will do some traveling when the kids are a bit older.
04-08-2012 17:47 #4
When I met my husband our goals were: buy property and travel. I also wanted to study, but we have our dd now and my priorities changed
Our goals for the future involve travelling to Europe each year, possibly living in Italy in the next 4/5 years so dd and future baby can go to school and spend time with family there. Also, we'd like our next home to be closer to the beach. Eventually we want absolute beachfront but unless we win lotto it's still a good 10-15 years away.
04-08-2012 17:50 #5
When DH and I met, neither of us really had any goals. We were both just kind of floating along. I was finishing year 12 and he was working for my step dad.... Neither of us had thought about our futures. Actually up until probably 12 months ago we never really had any goals, we just took life as it came.
04-08-2012 18:02 #6
When we met my life goal was to get into my dream job. I just kind of assumed that a marriage and family would take care of themselves.
He didn't (and still doesn't, really) have any other life goal than owning a home and living comfortably.
He helped me to achieve my life goal of getting my dream job. Without his help I wouldn't have been able to do it. And me being in my current job gets us much closer to owning a home than me NOT being in it.
So I don't think having different goals is necessarily a problem so long as you're willing to help each other work towards your goals .
Having completely OPPOSITE goals can be tricky though... But at the same time, a couple working together can usually come to some sort of compromise.
04-08-2012 18:12 #7
We were both late 20's, so had fulfilled our goals before meeting each other. I had travelled the world, been working for 10 years in my career, which I love.
We met and set goals of buying property, and having children, which we did in that order.
04-08-2012 18:13 #8
When we met I was 19 and planning on going to North and South America for a year, then coming home finishing my degree and then who knows what next. DP was planning on moving to the UK for 2 years and possibly establish his career over there. I ended up going to the UK with him, we stayed 4 years. I was keen to come home and start my life by that stage. He may have stayed longer as he loved it there and was doing quite well for himself. But he compromised for me as I'd put my life on hold for him. I don't think either of us have any resentment about how things turned out, we are both quite happy with where we've ended up. The other big one was kids. I wanted to be well and truly done with having kids before 30, he wanted to wait until 30 to try (he's 2 years older). We started trying when we were 27 & 29, now I am 31 and pregnant with our second and final baby. I think we've both learned that life often gets in the way of life plans, so if you compromise a bit you could be pleasantly surprised. We've also been lucky that we agree on lots of big stuff, we both wanted kids, our careers are important but so is having balance, money and status don't mean much at all, etc. Some stuff is impossible to compromise on, I guess in those circumstances either one person makes a sacrifice or you both walk away.
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04-08-2012 18:25 #9
We were headed in the same direction, but his previous partners had never wanted children so he didn't see himself as a Daddy. I was upfront that I was having babies & if that wasn't for him then he wasn't for me. I honestly thought that would be the end of us - we'd been seeing each other about a month - I didn't want to get attached to him if he didn't share my most important dreams.
We now have a beautiful dd & are planning a second child in the next 12 months.
04-08-2012 18:42 #10
i wanted to answer this before i read anyone else posts..
DH and I got together when i was 22 and he was 20 - we didn't really know what our life goals where tbh??
fast forward 3 or 4 yrs and we had both being trying hard to built a life together, we were happy as a couple but kinda lost as individuals- we didn't know what we wanted life goals wise but felt what we were doing wasn't it. But we didn't want to upset the apple cart of our relationship IYKWIM.
In the end it prooved bad for our relationship and we got frustrated wiht ourselves and each other. We broke up for and he moved out - we both mentally gave ourselves permission to work out our dreams and follow them.
4 mths later we were back together but with a totally different head space adn attitude. we agreed to never let our own life dreams slip away in order to try to 'protect' our relationship.
This freedom created a wonderful relationship and wouldn't you know it - we both pursued dreams and goals that actually made us closer.
We both changed careers, develops our personal interests which really compliment each other. We moved to the country and are wokring towards a self sufficient lifestyle. We have totally different, yet complimentary hobbies and our life it totally wonderful.
It was the biggest lesson in my life - we compromise so we can both do what we what but big picture we are both mentally prepared to 'set the other one free in order to pursue any dream' rather hten hold onto them. I do not believe we will ever seperate (although you never know) - but I feel we are totally committed to each other and a joint life, but that if at times one of us journey heads in a totally unplanned/unforseen area then we will support each other 100%, either join them on their journey or send them on their way for a period of time (ie. to travel overseas and do something)
Now when having to decide/think about what i want or what hubby wants - i always ask 'is my response one of fear that I will lose him' and if it is its the wrong response.
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