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  1. #1
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    Default Confidence in partners parenting

    My partner was feeding our 18mo DS who was grouchy and didn't want to eat.I never have a problem with this if he's eaten through the day - sometimes your just not hungry!OH was getting frustrated and I saw that he was going to try and pinch DSs nose and shove the food in his mouth.I flipped out, I couldn't believe he even contemplated the idea!He was very embarrassed and tried to justify it by saying other parents did it and I said maybe in the 19th century!We had a fight and he went out and I broke down and called my mum.I can't tell you how much it scared me.What if I hadn't been there?He came home and apologised, saying that he was learning too, which irritates me because kids aren't test guinea pigs.He hasn't really done anything else aside from feeding him sugary crap every now and again.But now I feel like I have to supervise him because he didn't THINKAny advice? I don't want to feel like I need to be a parent to him as well

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    Aww, I'd go easy on him (after I gave him a b*llicking, which you have)

    My uncle once stuck my brothers face into his dinner , for refusing to eat.
    Not saying it's right, we all laugh about it now, but that was his stress response to a kid (7 yrs old) who was just being a brat.

    My own nose was pinched for medicine or a spoon full of honey...
    that is how they did things back then.

    I know you're child is only a baby, but I don't think this is something you should really worry too much about, especially if he hasn't ever done anything like this before.
    Continuing to punish him will only knock his own confidence in himself as a parent, as he said, he's only learning, lesson learnt there I say.

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  4. #3
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    Well, he IS still learning. Why does that irritate you? Do you know the answers to everything parenting related? Probably not, so you, yourself, are still learning.
    Give the poor guy a break.
    Last edited by Guest1234; 04-08-2012 at 11:14.

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  6. #4
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    And also at least he is helping out! How many times do you read on here that partners do nothing? Go easy on him...he is learning and if you keep having fights over how to do things, you may find he doesn't want to help out as much.

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    Wow! That's really frightening. It sounds like he really is contrite and wants to do the right thing. Would he be open to sitting down with you and nutting out your shared parenting strategies and ideals. Of course, you'll both have your individual parenting styles but i find it really useful to sit down with my partner and discuss where we're at and how we feel about our parenting and issues that arise in a really respectful way. Hope you can both get to a place where you feel safe and valued with your parenting abilities

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  10. #6
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    I agree with those saying go easy on him. He admitted he is learning and apologised......should be thankful you got that. Did you apologise for going off your face? He didnt do anything to hurt the child. I can understand you are emotional about it, but this is his child too and he was trying to feed him, not hurt him!
    Take a breath, apologise to your partner for flying off the handle and have a talk about what the problem was.

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    To be completely honest, I don't think I would leave my baby with someone with such a temper. Holding a child's nose and forcing food down...... I'm just glad you were there before it got worse!

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    I understand how you feel OP, I am scared to leave my bub with DH for an extended amount of time because we have different ideas on what is appropriate, especially in terms of nutrition and comforting, I identify with AP and he is happy to let him cry or not tend to his immediate needs which just breaks my heart to imagine him tired and screaming and not consoled.
    Talk to your DP about your different parenting expectations and styles, hopefully you can both come to common ground and understanding. I would have been horrified aswell at your situation. Yes he is still learning but doing something like that is just horrible IMO.

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    He "was going to pinch his nose"...
    So he didn't actually do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by wrena View Post
    Wow! That's really frightening. It sounds like he really is contrite and wants to do the right thing. Would he be open to sitting down with you and nutting out your shared parenting strategies and ideals. Of course, you'll both have your individual parenting styles but i find it really useful to sit down with my partner and discuss where we're at and how we feel about our parenting and issues that arise in a really respectful way. Hope you can both get to a place where you feel safe and valued with your parenting abilities
    Yep, great advice, I had to have the talk with my DH, about little things that I didn't agree with in his parenting style.
    Sometimes it just needs to be pointed out that that's probably not the best way to do things.

    OP , as for thinking you might have to supervise your partner,
    unless your child has special needs/medications,
    I'd say let him make the little mistakes himself.
    No better way to learn

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  17. #10
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    I wouldn't be happy with that either OP, but you can't hold it against him. We all make mistakes and if he has learnt, then that is good.

    Is there a reason why your DS isn't feeding himself at 18 months? I found my DS less picky if he fed himself


 

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