Hugs I'm so sorry to hear your going through all of this
I hope you can work things out. Xx
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03-08-2012 23:11 #21
03-08-2012 23:20 #22Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
Would your family fly you and the kids back to nz? Would your ex allow this? I think you should go back to your social worker and make it clear you need more support!
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03-08-2012 23:31 #23
I have no advice just a tonne of hugs. I should be asleep but had to comment. The only thing I can needs you is an ear if you need one, pm me. I have suffered mental illness my entire life, mine is genetic. Too long to explain but they noticed first when I was 3. I am a very very strong person now and would be happy to chat if you wanted too, or give you some coping techniques I've learnt.
Stay strong, it's hard but it will come together. Is there any thing you need?
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04-08-2012 07:26 #24
I told him lastnight that I can't do this relationship anymore.
It's destructive for everyone and such a negative environment for my children.
He said I cant take them to nz and he'll fight me for custody.
He also kept saying that I'm selfish because I was unable to offer him a shoulder to cry on after the fire .. It's like telling a person with no legs to get up and run, then persecuting them because they can't.
He also said (after storming out for the 2nd time and returning 2 hours later), that the negative environment is my responisibility entirely and that the children were so much happier when I wasn't there.
A little over a month ago I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance because I wanted to end my life, the only thing keeping me going was the thought that my children needed me.
And he's ripped that away from me.
I'm waiting for my appointment at the hospital... I couldn't stand to be in a house with him any longer.
I don't know where I'll go from here. They'll probably suggest admitting me again so I'm not back in the envirnonment whilst I'm waiting for the antidepressants to start taking effect (Its been almost 3 weeks since I started on them).
But no matter how many pills or take or whatever they do to "fix" me... I'll still be faced with the same situation.
That the person I unfortunately had children with has taken me in the hardest time of my life and stomped me further into the ground.
I can't be with someone like that.
At the same time, I have no way whatsoever to support myself or my children. I am in no way able to go find work. That is beyond me right now. The only way I can access welfare is to go back to nz. And he won't let me take my children.
04-08-2012 07:49 #25
Go to a woman's refuge with your children.
04-08-2012 07:58 #26
04-08-2012 08:06 #27Bubhub Ambassador - tongue in cheek
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
I don't know what to say I just wanted to give you a hug. I'm very sad to hear you don't have more financial support from your social worker/the government. What do they expect you to do? Maybe you should ask them that?
I have suffered depression and anxiety for a long time and can defiantly relate to not getting emotional support from people in my life. My DH also doesnt believe in mental illness & I can not discuss it with him. Thankfully I have bubhub and a wonderful bestie (who also suffers depression/anxiety) who 'gets it' and I can confine in.
Can you social worker recommend any support groups? Having real life people who 'get it' can be an amazing support tool.
The behondblue website has a section for supporting partners of depression. You need to focus on you, but your DH does need support too. However I believe he needs to have the mental and emotional capacity to seek that support for himself. Set the behondblue website as the home page in your browser.. Maybe he might look after it loads 20 times.
Also YOU ARE NOT SELFISH. You have a mental illness.
Also about the kids, please do not think they don't love you. They love you very much!!! They need you to get better for them! However, I am not suprised to hear they are more 'relaxed' while you are away. It was evil and disgusting for you DH to use that in an argument against you but they (the kids) who spend time worrying about you. They can tell you are upset. When you are away getting help, ofcourse they are more relaxed. They're probably hoping you come home 'all better'. You need to remind your kids daily that you love them very much, it's not their fault, you are sick but you are getting help and will get better.
Once the medication starts working, you won't be faced with the same situation. You will be able to think more clearly for starters. Everyday tasks will become easier too. I am confident that you will defiantly be more able to cope with your situation & plan for your future
04-08-2012 09:07 #28Bubhub Ambassador - tongue in cheek
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
04-08-2012 09:49 #29
I'm really sorry I have been battling from depression sence I was 12 cos my older sister started sleeping around my home town and with that my family fall apart and my mum ended up in hospital after my sister left cos she can't handle want ppl were say and she was being bullied at school and after she left every one turned on me and I would get baushed up everytime I went to school so I had no one so my depression got worse and worse and it was then that I meet the father of my child and he was not who I wonted to be with and he was so in love with me that he come to stay for the weekend and never left and even tho my lil sister tried to tell he was the wrong guy I couldn't see past my depression and he ended up raping me and even though I had bad depression I was not going to let him do it to my lil girl so when my dad got a job in darwin it was my saving Grace and it was then that I opened up and talked about everything that had happen as I one of those ppl that keep their cards close to their chests. depression is a hard long lonely and taxing road but by taking baby steps and having that one person that will listen you will find the light so to speek. I still have my bad days and even now that my daughter its 2 I will always fight my depression so I can be that best mum I can be and she is the light of my life
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04-08-2012 10:50 #30
I saw my sister battle terrible PND with no support from her useless partner, or my family, who all thought she was making it up, and should just get on with it. It's horrid, and while I know it is exhausting always having to give, there will be a time when you will be on your feet, and be able to give back. We are meant to look after one another, and he just isn't there for you.
I have no advice..I would say go to a shelter, but is that the best environment for your kids, or for you? You're so trapped, it's so awful. Maybe you need to think of just you first, if the kids are fine without you, as he says. Concentrate on getting you well first. Without you, there is nothing.
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