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03-08-2012 21:20 #11
03-08-2012 21:22 #12
03-08-2012 21:23 #13
Oh honey. Is it possible to fly overseas to spend time with your family? Can you call them - see if anyone can come over to you and stay for a while? Don't sugar coat how you are feeling - if there's any chance they'll be supportive and caring let them know exactly how hard things are right now and you need whatever help they can give. You need support and you need it now.
How long have you been on the anti depressants? Is it too early for your GP to try changing them to a different one due to the side effects being so awful? Different people react differently to different drugs. It might just be a matter of finding the right one for you.
Have you tried a mother stay centre for your bub? Even if they can't help with a long term fix, just having people to help with a few nights so you can get some much needed rest can do wonders.
I just want to go round and give you a big hug and hold your baby for a while.
03-08-2012 21:25 #14
The first words that came to mind when I read your post was "hang on".
Just hang on. Don't think about hanging on or how you're going to do it, just do it. One day at a time.
This is what I found myself doing in a similar situation not...oh...what 3 or so months ago. Depression - hallucinations, psychotic breaks, sleeplessness, acting out, - spent a few weeks in a mental health unit then came home. Didn't want to be in the house, partner was unresponsive, kids needed caring for, was about to give birth which I did a few days afterward.
He has just come home and went straight to the shower.
I can only imagine why he would do that..
I don't know him..or you...but if I can offer a perspective...my DH felt helpless and for a man that can be emasculating. A man likes to feel as though he can look after his brood. Like to know he's in control in a roundabout way. This is just nature. My DH later said he just didn't know WHAT to do, found the entire scenario overwhelming, was worried sick about me giving birth while in the unit and a whole host of other emotions and feelings that he found he couldn't cope with, etc etc. I couldn't talk to him, I couldn't reason with him. And quite frankly half the time I didn't give a flying fluck what he thought. I ended up writing him a long note explaining what was happening to me, how much I valued him and the r'ship...and then got a community nurse involved. She spoke with him as well as me and things started to clear.
I stuck to my medication, crossed each day off the calendar and forced myself to be patient with my progress. I also kept a journal and allowed him to read it. He began to understand where I was at by reading this everyday. Writing was a revelation for us.
You're not far from Gosford. They have community mental health nurses. Surely the unit could refer you via their Outpatient unit?
I am so sorry about your fire. That would have been awful. I have a heap of stuff I'm giving away at the moment. Is there something I can post to you? Please feel free to contact me via PM if you wish.
Keep your chin up. We are right behind you xxx
03-08-2012 21:28 #15and I'm not a citizen so cannot get centrelink payments even though my children are both australian born
If your partner is an Australian citizen then you may be entitled to something.
03-08-2012 22:40 #16
Yes I've been to centrelink, on advice from the social worker at the mental health unit. I had tried to get something before and it was declined due to my residency, I mentioned it to her and she said to try again.
So I went on Wednesday to see if, should I become a single parent, is there anything I'm entitled to, but again - can't get anything because I don't have a particular visa (which I can't get because I arrived here in 2005 and it was only granted until 2002).
We've just had a massive fight and I've decided enough is enough.
There was never an issue of him knowing what was going on, I've always told him whats wrong and he came to 3 meetings with the social worker and psychiatrist because I felt he didn't grasp the situation and thought if it came from someone else's mouth he'd be a bit more understanding.
But still he expects me to snap out of it, that I'm "moping" and that I should forget all my troubles and focus on helping him.
Every day spent with him is a step closer to the edge.
It's been rough going for a long time. I was contemplating leaving before I got my bfp with bub 2, and then when I discovered I was pregnant I decided to try and see what could be salvaged.
But I now know theres nothing left. There's just hatred for one another, and it's such an unhealthy environment for my children.
I just don't know what to do.
He's just said that "theres no way in hell I'm taking his kids back to nz" which is where all my family are and any (only) prospect of any support may lay.
I'm f*cking lost here.
03-08-2012 22:46 #17
So sorry for what you're going through. Are you a permanent resident? Can you go home (overseas) for a while or invite a family member here to mind the kids when you focus on treatment? Is your partner violent or abusing you? I've hurt a case that a woman had to run away from her abusive husband, she got help and got granted citizenship immidiately.
03-08-2012 22:49 #18Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
Are ur family aware of what is going on? *You dont have to answer that btw * xo
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03-08-2012 22:53 #19
I can't go home because I don't have the money to. The only person who could come would be my mother but she is in the middle of selling her house (goes to auction on sunday) and she can't leave right now.
He's not physically abusive, but emotionally and verbally most definitely. He also has a nice habit of reminding every 5 seconds that its his money that feeds me and puts a roof over my head.
There is the option of me returning to the mental health unit but the same problems will always be here unless I do something about it. I came home after 4 days before, spent the first night and next morning arguing with dp so I re-admitted myself to save my children from the negativity, because I had nowhere else to go and it was the only way to stop the destruction at the time.
I've tried fighting FOR the relationship, and I've got no fight left in me now.
I want more than this sh!tty life for myself and my children. I want to be happy with my life, not counting the days til its over.
03-08-2012 22:55 #20
Yes they are.
It's a bit difficult though as my mother doesn't "believe" in mental illness. (she asked if there was a blood test the first time I was diagnosed with depression at age 16).
But she lived though a sh!tty relationship with my father for years so she does get that aspect.
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