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  1. #21
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    I grew up in a household where I felt loved and secure. My parents had quite an authoritarian approach (actually maybe I'm calling it by the wrong name reading this thread!) where we did as we were asked, but that didn't mean that we weren't loved and nutured.

    I agree, that there is a time for tough love and a time for a softly softly approach. The tricky part is being wise enough to know when for each one!

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    Both.

    The aim is to raise DD in a loving and caring environment, where she can always talk to us/ tell us anything.

    I also feel that it is important for kids to know boundaries and expectations, and for DD to know that our expectation is that (for most situations) she behaves in a way that she has been brought up to understand is expected, and that she follows directions.

    Of course there will always be exceptional circumstances, etc., but I think it's possible to have a loving, caring, fun home where boundaries are clear too.
    This. Extremes of neither.

  3. #23
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    I'm mostly a mix somewhere in the middle.

    But ultimately, it comes down to the individual child, their age, their personalities, what the situation is, my mood for the day and what I want to achieve.

    Some times, I am very softly-softly, to the point where to others it may seem like i'm being walked over by my child, but sometimes, it is the approach I *need* to take (particularly with DS1 and DS2 when they are tired) otherwise all hell will break loose when it doesn't need to.

    Some times, i'm very tough-love, to the point where others may think i'm a horridly nasty parent, but when DD is one of her "moods" (y'know, 5 going on 15...) sometimes she really just needs to be told, in no uncertain terms what the deal is, or she *does* try it on with you (definitely her mothers daughter!!).

    But yes, mostly i'm in the middle, loving, respectful and attentive, but with boundaries in place.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lillynix View Post
    I'm mostly a mix somewhere in the middle.

    But ultimately, it comes down to the individual child, their age, their personalities, what the situation is, my mood for the day and what I want to achieve.

    Some times, I am very softly-softly, to the point where to others it may seem like i'm being walked over by my child, but sometimes, it is the approach I *need* to take (particularly with DS1 and DS2 when they are tired) otherwise all hell will break loose when it doesn't need to.

    Some times, i'm very tough-love, to the point where others may think i'm a horridly nasty parent, but when DD is one of her "moods" (y'know, 5 going on 15...) sometimes she really just needs to be told, in no uncertain terms what the deal is, or she *does* try it on with you (definitely her mothers daughter!!).

    But yes, mostly i'm in the middle, loving, respectful and attentive, but with boundaries in place.
    same here

  5. #25
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    heeeeerekittykitty is offline My babies, my cats ....ahhhh , bliss !!!
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    I'm softly softly :-) However this doesn't mean my kids never get told no , or that I don't have boundaries , they have plenty :-) and they get told no many many a time .

    And I may pick and choose my battles but the ones I choose I ensure I follow through with.

    I'm conscious everyday of trying to raise my children to understand they can't have everything and that there are rules and boundaries re- certain things but I can't change my heart or who I am , I'm a softie !

    That said my kids are 1.5 and 2.5. My parenting and approach will probably change a million times as they grow .

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by ToughLove View Post
    EVERYONE prefers a little bit of ToughLove

    My only question is, who is this Softly Softly lady?!

    To keep on track, I prefer a mix where appropriate
    I saw this title and thought, "Oh don't tell me she's gone all soft on us now she's UTD?!"


 

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