It really depends on the child, the situation and sometimes how I am feeling too.
Both my kids are very different. DS is cautious, a thinker but lazy if you let him. He prevaricates, overthinks and rarely takes risks. He needs to be pushed to try new things. A softly softly approach would see him afraid to get out of bed. A firm pragmatic approach with clear cut boundries and set deadlines works for him
Dd is nt cautious, a risk taker and headstrong. She is decisive, bucks at boundries and won't take no for an answer. A softer approach and natural consequences works better with her.
There are times, however, when the required guidance needs to be different. It depends on what the aim or goal is at the time.
If I'm on the phone and they start playing up, they both know the rules and immediate timeout is the consequence - there is no softly softly. If I think it's time for a bath and either child has a good reason why the bath time should be delayed I am negotiable so long as we're not trying to get ready to go out etc.
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03-08-2012 12:22 #11Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
03-08-2012 13:38 #12wishes she was a glow worm. A glow worm's never glum, 'cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out of your bum?
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
- Under Your Bed
Bit of both. I grew up afraid of my dad (his a great man and I love him
To bits) he was in the raaf and was strict
03-08-2012 14:01 #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
The aim is to raise DD in a loving and caring environment, where she can always talk to us/ tell us anything.
I also feel that it is important for kids to know boundaries and expectations, and for DD to know that our expectation is that (for most situations) she behaves in a way that she has been brought up to understand is expected, and that she follows directions.
Of course there will always be exceptional circumstances, etc., but I think it's possible to have a loving, caring, fun home where boundaries are clear too.
03-08-2012 15:14 #14
EVERYONE prefers a little bit of ToughLove
My only question is, who is this Softly Softly lady?!
To keep on track, I prefer a mix where appropriate
03-08-2012 15:21 #15
Bit of both depending on all the above.
03-08-2012 15:24 #16
A mixture of both depending on the child.
03-08-2012 15:32 #17
A bit of both here too, but mainly softly softly. Or maybe more accurately described firm but loving.
I also had an authoritarian mother that was emotionally and verbally abusive, and to this day, now in my mid 30's, she still scares me. She ruled with fear and I was terrified of her growing up.... although it only worked for a while bc when I hit my teens I went crazy...
03-08-2012 15:37 #18
03-08-2012 15:47 #19
Both. If DS is complaining about something minor, like "I don't like this cordial" he'll get something along the lines of "You'll get over it" *chuckle*.
If it's more serious than that, like a frustrated squeal because he can't get his shoes on by himself or something I'll go with something a bit more calming like "Hang on buddy, lets have a look and mummy will help you".
It depends on the situation. I would HATE for my son to not feel like he could come to me with a problem or when he needed help. But at the same time I'm not going to helicopter and do everything for him. How's he going to learn to function by himself if he doesn't get the 'harden up' lesson every now and then?
03-08-2012 18:28 #20Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
Overall I think I'm quite a relaxed parent.i was very controlled as a child and swore I would never be like this. I give him lots of choices. Some things I'm very fussy about,respect for others and belongings,manners etc.
Parenting is not easy,that's for sure.
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