View Poll Results: Would you prefer that your child obey you?

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  • Obey me

    9 42.86%
  • Disobey based on childs own judgement

    4 19.05%
  • Other

    8 38.10%
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  1. #41
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    I expect my children to obey me (doesn't mean they do! ... They are little). But as a parent I think it is important to teach my children to make decisions ... So, when we go out you must wear shoes but you can choose which ones (dd spent most of last summer in gumboots).
    It is time for lunch ... Your options to choose are a sandwich or bowl of fruit ... If you don't want those that's it.

    Some things have to be non negotiable ... Holding hands in car park etc.

    We need to prepare these kids for life and meeting the expectations of the community.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Yes, I guess what I'm getting at is those are YOUR reasons, that your child may disagree with. So you are expecting that they obey you because you know better than them. So, you are expecting your child to obey you when you think you are in the right, as do I. But I don't expect my child to obey without questioning, they can question all they like (in a respectful manner) but if they can't convince me then I absolutely expect to be obeyed. If my teenage daughter thinks I'm being unreasonable because I won't let her in a car with her boyfriend who has been booked for speeding, then that is just too bad. If she wants to drop maths or languages in year 10, if it's just because she hates science then too bad, if it's because she really has her heart set on drama and art, then it's negotiable. But in each instance, I have the final say.

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    Once choice was.available I had complete free choice over what subjects i chose to do in high school.

    I expect my child to behave in a way that is pleasant and respectful of those around him (which yelling in a cafe or pulling items of shelves is not) i also expect people to offer him the same respects.

    I say respectful OF instead of to as I believe the two are different, i do not expect that he be respectful TO anyone who is not respectful to him.

    I am not their to demandunless obediance, i am there to place reasonable limitations and teach my son how to control his own behaviours / make his own choices.

    There are situations where what I say is the rule, it is the rule because there is a direct negative consequence to the action or behaviour.

    If i tell ds NOT to do something i always tell him WHY he is not to do it (dangerous, impolite or completely disrespectful)

    He is only 2 so is still 'getting' it.

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    Last edited by GuestMember; 03-08-2012 at 18:32.

  3. #43
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    I do expect my children (4 & 2.5) to obey me. I also spend a lot of time talking to them about why we do/do not do things etc etc, and I let them have a voice always. But at the end of the day, I am the parent and I expect them to do what I say.

    I totally get the theory of natural consequences, but I'm just not convinced it works for everyone... I mean a lot of adults have trouble linking consequences to behaviour, I honestly think it is beyond my girls even though they are both pretty mature for their ages. I'm not saying it doesn't work for others though.

    I grew up in a pretty authoritarian household, and I HATED it when I was a teenager, but looking back now I am actually really grateful. I think my parents saved me a lot of heartache tbh.

    I do a lot of things very differently to my parents as an adult and they have been nothing but supportive. I guess they also knew when to let go, which I hope I will have the wisdom to do too.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Yes, I guess what I'm getting at is those are YOUR reasons, that your child may disagree with. So you are expecting that they obey you because you know better than them. So, you are expecting your child to obey you when you think you are in the right, as do I. But I don't expect my child to obey without questioning, they can question all they like (in a respectful manner) but if they can't convince me then I absolutely expect to be obeyed. If my teenage daughter thinks I'm being unreasonable because I won't let her in a car with her boyfriend who has been booked for speeding, then that is just too bad. If she wants to drop maths or languages in year 10, if it's just because she hates science then too bad, if it's because she really has her heart set on drama and art, then it's negotiable. But in each instance, I have the final say.

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    I agree with all of this, and also with all the other points you have made in this thread lol.

  5. #45
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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    Quote Originally Posted by OurLittleBlessing View Post
    I agree with all of this, and also with all the other points you have made in this thread lol.
    LOL you don't agree you are just OBEYING ME!

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  6. #46
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    Yes Ma'am FearlessLeader! *stands to attention*

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by MothersMilk View Post
    I'm going to say obey me because i never request anything that is unreasonable and i do give my children choices (limited choices as they are only very little still - ie they can decide between a selection of things i have picked out as acceptable choices, as they get older their choices will become more broad and they can make their own decisions about certain things) but i do accept them obey me if my request is a reasonable one.
    Exactly this.

    And sometimes I get it wrong and I'm happy to say so. I don't believe in once I say something it is law. (Like occasionally going "Jasper get out of the fridge!" Because I'm overwhelmed and snap before asking what he's doing and I think he's getting chocolate or just looking. Then he sAys "I want an apple mummy".... "sorry buddy, you can get an apple"

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    Last edited by Boobycino; 03-08-2012 at 19:40.


 

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