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  1. #1
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    Default Rainbow Babies

    Babies born to same sex couples. I now know 2 adults raised by same sex parents, one is just 18, the other early 20s. Different families, they have never met each other.

    One of them I have known since birth, her mums (and bio father) were friends of my parents through high school. Her bio mum thought she was meant to be with a man so in the 70s she was with a man. At 18 she got pregnant so they married later that month. She never really told many people she was pregnant and she lost the baby on her honeymoon. She had feelings for a woman, but tried to ignore them. Then she told her husband she wanted a divorce but was pregnant. She told him she was attracted to women so he left and never looked back. To this day he has not spoken to her or the daughter. So the daughter was raised by 2 mums. They moved to Melbourne and I have only seen her at family gatherings.

    The other is the step daughter of one of the centre directors I have spent a lot of time with. Although the kids (now 12 and 18) have spent time with their father, he preferred to be out of the country than be with the kids. He is now on the daughter's fb, but she has 2 accounts so only shares some things with her father.

    So that is the back story of them both lol.

    The older girl has a gf but has told others that she has crushes on males, not females, but is afraid to explore that option because she has been raised in a way where having a gf is expected. She is worried it will be awkward for her and she doesn't want to use a guy as an experiment, nor does she want to disappoint her parents.

    The 18yo has met a guy but is terrified of what her mum will think. Her mum says that straight guys are trouble, so expects her dd to be smart enough to avoid them, but her ds is not gay, he loves looking at boobs and female bums already, but gay men and straight girls are fine so he can date either.

    No real point to this, but it only just occured to me that Rainbow Babies feel pressure like any others, and it was just as sad because I believe that people should be free to be with the one they love no matter what.

  2. #2
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    I think it's sad that the mother has said that straight guys are trouble. That's the same as saying lesbians are trouble etc. Not fair for the poor daughter! I was raised by a single lesbian and am straight as an arrow. Mum has never said anything regarding either path and I know I would've gotten the exact same reaction whether I brought home a man or a woman.

    One of my besties was raised by two women, her and her sister were born to one mum, their brother was born to the other mum, all using the same donor who is not involved in their lives. My friend is gay, her brother and sister are both straight. It's a complete non-issue for them and has never come up.

    But yes, just goes to show that unfair expectations from parents go across the board!

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  4. #3
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    I had a really wonderful chat with a rainbow baby who was telling me when she realised she was heterosexual she felt as though she'd lost a part of her identity, as a member of the gay community.

    Of course her parents were supportive of her though and she's now married with 2 kids herself and her sexuality has never been an issue.

    It's just as bad of gay parents to discourage heterosexual relationships as it is heterosexual parents discouraging homosexual relationships.

    I will make sure my child knows that as long as they are being loved and respected, neither of us give a hoot what is between their legs.

    ETA: I believe rainbow babies have more pressure on them to prove that their family unit is okay, and not detrimental to their upbringing, which is sad because all children are going to feel angry towards their parents at some point, but my friend was saying she never felt she could say to anyone "uggh my mums are SO annoying" because someone might interpret that as a reason why gay women shouldn't have children.

    That's part of the reason why DP and I think it's really important to live where we do, in a very gay friendly part of Sydney. I want my kids to go to school with others who have same-sex parents and to have peers they can confide in without judgment.
    Last edited by rainbow road; 01-08-2012 at 13:51.

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    The parents of the older girl, from everything I know about them, would be fine with it but she is scared. The other one, I know the mum a bit but mostly the step mum and I don't agree with what she says. Although the step mum has told me things that help me understand where she is coming from. I still disagree with her, but understand.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    ETA: I believe rainbow babies have more pressure on them to prove that their family unit is okay, and not detrimental to their upbringing, which is sad because all children are going to feel angry towards their parents at some point, but my friend was saying she never felt she could say to anyone "uggh my mums are SO annoying" because someone might interpret that as a reason why gay women shouldn't have children.

    That's part of the reason why DP and I think it's really important to live where we do, in a very gay friendly part of Sydney. I want my kids to go to school with others who have same-sex parents and to have peers they can confide in without judgment.
    I completely understand this and felt the same way often growing up, not only having a gay parent but a single one at that (shock, horror!).

    We have similar sentiments re: living where we do too (round the corner from you lol), as although we are a straight couple we feel very much that we live under the rainbow umbrella and for me at least I would find it very hard to be anywhere else. And I don't want my daughter to feel uncomfortable talking about her lesbian Nanas haha.
    Last edited by GreenMama; 01-08-2012 at 14:02. Reason: Unnecessary apostrophe.

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    My father lives in the gay capital of Australia, but their kids are still under school age. I only know the 2 adults.

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    Quote Originally Posted by share a book View Post
    Although the step mum has told me things that help me understand where she is coming from. I still disagree with her, but understand.
    I feel this with my Mum's partner sometimes, she had quite a turbulent time with her ex-husband and often projects her experiences into her opinions on men and relationships in general. Her opinions are often quite awful and sometimes just silly, but I understand that her past has shaped most of what she thinks. It's just not always very fair.

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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Quote Originally Posted by GreenMama View Post
    I completely understand this and felt the same way often growing up, not only having a gay parent but a single one at that (shock, horror!).

    We have similar sentiments re: living where we do too (round the corner from you lol), as although we are a straight couple we feel very much that we live under the rainbow umbrella and for me at least I would find it very hard to be anywhere else. And I don't want my daughter to feel uncomfortable talking about her lesbian Nanas haha.
    Absolutely

    Have you heard of the documentary being made called "Gayby Baby"?

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    I have, I'm not sure if it's that one or another but my friend was going to be involved I think, or was interviewed maybe? She does heaps of stuff, was in the Herald not long ago. Do you know when it's coming out?

  12. #10
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Not sure when it's out but it looks really fantastic. I can't wait to see it. It's being made by Maya Newell and Charlotte McLellan if that means anything for you!


 

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