I work 3 days a week and DD is in daycare on those days.
The problem I have is that DD keeps getting sick! I know it's normal for their first year of daycare to catch every illness going around, but she seriously is sick constantly. She had gastro over the weekend and now has a cold and a cough, plus 3 teeth coming through. I seem to have caught the tummy bug and am feeling horrendous for the last 2 or 3 days (if I hadn't just had AF I would swear it was pregnancy nausea!).
Anyway, I am feeling really bad about balancing everything - I used to have a senior position at work and run a team, I was involved in a lot of things and well respected. Now that I'm back 3 days a week it's not the same, but I kind of feel that because they know me as someone who works hard and 'owns' a lot at work, they expect me to be there 100%. But I don't want to be there 5 days a week and when DD is sick I want to be with her. I bend over backwards to make it to conferences or important meetings/events that fall on my days off but I don't have easy access to family to look after DD. So I feel bad and like I'm letting work down when I need to be at home.
On the other hand I feel guilty about DD being in daycare because I know that's where she's picking up all these bugs!!
I think I just need some advice - how do you balance it all without feeling like you're failing everyone??
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31-07-2012 10:50 #1
31-07-2012 10:58 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
it must be tough no real advise on how to balance it all sorry. but my son was getting lots of colds and flu when he first started and now i make sure as soon as we get home i wipe his hands and face and change his clothes (he's still a toddler so is covered from head to toe in germs after a kindy day!) that way i'm hoping the germs won't transfer all across our house when he gets home.
i also have started giving him the kids inner health plus to try and give his immune system a boost. he now hasn't had a cold in a good few weeks now, where as before he would wake up with a runny nose after each kindy visit.
sorry no other advise but that might help with all the colds that are going around from kindy
31-07-2012 11:01 #3
I can tell you that it does get easier, although it may not seem like it now.... The illnesses are awful and I have been through 12 months of hell with both of mine where they were sick more than they were well. But it gets better, and winter is the worst, so you'll probably see some improvements once September rolls around!!
As for work, I ended up putting my foot down and saying that family comes first. It's hard to try not to take the 'judgement' from colleagues on board, but again it is something that takes time and you will gain their acceptance in time. I was really firm about leaving on time, not coming in on days off, not being contactable on days off - but at the same time being professional and giving 110% while I was there.
It took about 6 months for them to accept my new 'family first' stance but in time they accepted it and it all just became normal,
All up I'd say that everything balances out after the first 12 months, hopefully less!!
ETA - I have found inner health plus for kids helpful as well as making sure they're getting lots of sleep and also lots of time outside in the sunshine!
Last edited by Mum2EandR; 31-07-2012 at 11:04.
31-07-2012 11:12 #4
Its hard, the first 12 months was a huge transition. I didnt expect it to take so long. But you need to give yourself time to settle into the 'swing of things'. It does get easier, whilst it is extremely extrememly hard to not feel the judgment (and trust me I know all about it, especially when you are surrounded by those in the workplace that dont have children) and take it personally, but yanno what, you do whats right for you.
The periods of sickness, are never fun. But there is light! lol! DS is now nearly 24 months and hasnt been sick sick for months now (he goes ft).
I have found that I am too hard on myself sometimes, so on some weekends (I work ft) my house is a disgrace, my washing isnt done, my hair isnt washed but instead of getting caught up in all that I just chilll with DS, yes, I am purely doing it to ease my guilt, but it works for us!
31-07-2012 11:25 #5
You just have to put your foot down with your employer. Makes it hard when you are perhaps made to feel like a pain in the butt taking time off when the kids are sick etc. I am thankful I have such a supportive workplace who understand that kids get sick and need to be kept home from daycare/school at times. I am very grateful!
And yes I went through ds1 getting sick all the time when he started daycare but he is 4 now and he is never sick! It does build the immune system for sure.
I am going through the whole sickness period again with ds2
31-07-2012 11:26 #6
Yep what they said!!
You are definitely at a time in your life where family comes first. If you're daughter needs you at home, then stay home. Don't feel guilty, that's what being a working mum's all about! Once she's at school you can get back into it and be top of your game once again.
It is definitely hard finding the balance
31-07-2012 11:57 #7
Thanks everyone. I'm probably feeling it more because I'm sick too. I've been pretty firm with work where possible and made in clear that I'll take days in lieu when I have to go to things on my days off. I guess I just have to stand my ground. If they have an issue they can discuss it with me but I'm not increasing my days while DD is still so young.
We're TTC at the moment too so I wonder how it will go down if/when I get pregnant!
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