OK so once again I feel like a crazy lady...it is 1:22am, I am drinking port and chamomile tea and crying. I ripped open the box of tissues because they weren't coming out fast enough and I 'told off' the power point because my charge cable wasn't in properly. I called it a 'c##t'.
Yes, a power-point.
So if you haven't already worked it out, I am extremely sleep deprived. I am filled with rage at no-one. Yes, I can't be angry at anyone but I am furious.
Welcome to parenthood.
OK so before I get on to the boring stuff of how I get here I just have to say...I firmly believe two things:
1) Children really ARE born the way they are and 'good luck' trying to mold anything about them, especially sleep. If your child is a good sleeper and you are fully functional - please don't waste energy bragging or giving people advice - just do stuff to help out - preferably involving taking the baby when you can, washing up and telling the parents they are doing an awesome job. And that it is not their fault.
And trust me - in the age of the internet...if someone doesn't know about: white noise, swaddling, allowing opportunities for babies to self-soothe, music, routines, tired signs, watching BF diet for triggers, light levels, temperature control, parental attitude, transitional objects, feeding up during the day, solids, trying formula, prayer, panadol for teething, etc, etc...then they are probably living under a rock. NO it is not your awesomeness that makes your baby stay asleep.
Feel good, but only because you lucked out...and don't brag!!!! It is like telling an overweight person how awesome it is that you can eat tim tams all day because of your metabolism....just don't go there...
2) There is a reason most people who achieve things in life (such as scientists or researchers) are either male or childless. Your brain is chewed to pieces when you never get more than an hour's sleep in a row. You also contemplate drinking wine at breakfast and telling off inanimate objects, neither of which is rather conducive to, well, anything much. I remember what it was like to be interested in the news of the world. Now I am interested in the news of the blanket...'so is tonight going to be better? YES!...actually...dammit...no....'
3) People who have more than one child 'generally' tend to have a pretty good sleeper for a first child. I am not saying 'ALL', but if I had a dollar for the number of times I have said 'one is a good number' since I had my daughter I would be making Rinehart look impoverished. I don't want another baby. I am over the image in my mind of the happy table at meal time of kids playfully throwing things and laughing...I want the kids OUTNUMBERED. So if there are two of us that means one of them. Maybe some babies are like the cuckoo chick...they are born and boot all the other eggs out of the nest. That is how I feel about other children...like running to the hills screaming...
4) If you love your cats you will hate them when you are sleep deprived with a high needs child. My sister tried to tell me this when she had three under two (twins!). I didn't believe her, but it is true. When my cats try to drape themselves over me I just think...'get OFF me'. When they cry and sound like a baby I just want to put them outside in the backyard...the baby is asleep...it is my rare chance to live WITHOUT crying...
Well those were my two points that became four.
HOW I GOT HERE
First up I should say that come 9am I am lining up for Trescillian. Even just for the free night of sleep. I give up - yes - I am a failure.
Second, I should say that I don't have postnatal depression. If you saw me at 6am when my baby starts the day I am fine, happy, making the hot drinks and planning the day. It is the nights that get me...because I CAN NOT SLEEP...
Third, I love my daughter, but she is one crap sleeper. I have tried everything under the sun, read all the books, tried co-sleeping, etc, and she is a HELL baby at night. She used to sleep 'through the night' being 5 hours in a row from about a few weeks old until 3.5 months. The 4 month sleep regression...that...never....went...away.......... .....
Her old pattern which I remember with such fondness was bed at 9pm, feed at 2pm, then 5am, then start the day at 7am. Like clockwork. With a nice routine. Then, one day, for no particular reason, she added a 12am feed. Then a 1am, 1:35am, 2am, 2:45am, 3am, 4:10am, 4:25am, 5am, .....you get my drift. She never went back to normal. And so I am up, watching the clock hands go around and drinking my port. She will only take Mummy for the wakeups, even though her Dad is with her all day as he is off work at the moment. When he goes near her during the night....she screams, and screams....tonight it was for an hour and a half...till I went in and settled her. She is one, very, very, determined baby. And she has been like this for a long time.
And the truth is, I feel like such a failure. Nothing in the world so sad as a defeated optimist right? Each morning I wake up and even though my hubby hasn't been up during the night I get the household going...make the coffees/teas...etc..convinced that the right nap schedule, the right amount or kind of solids, the right wrapping (or not wrapping), the right amount of 'kick-time' and daylight, the right amount of everything really...she has so much love, and cuddles, and family around, and all the things you would think would keep a baby happy. But when the sun goes down, it all goes to hell. And I have lost hope. Tonight I got her to settle in the cot, with my old t-shirt, and she has still woken up every 45 minutes. She is well fed. She ate solids, the room is a good temperature, the white noise is on and the air purifier (in case dust or mould could be the problem). She has a weak night light, the stars are aligned...BUT MY BABY DOES NOT SLEEP. She is 7 months old, and she just does not sleep.
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30-07-2012 01:02 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2011
7 Months, and still no relief in sight...on to the PORT again...
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30-07-2012 01:18 #2
Big hugs to you! It's really hard and tiring isn't it. I'm wide awake now after resettling my son for the 6th time. He's 1 month older than your DD
30-07-2012 01:31 #3
Big huge sympathy hug from me (except not really because if the cats aren't allowed to touch you I'm assuming a hug would be met with a shrill "get off me before I snap your neck I am sensory overloaded!!") - That's how I am when sleep deprived anyway!
Point 1 was very, very true. And I wish I had the conviction to think that when I had my #1 little darling non-sleeping. I was very down on myself and even though I said to others that she is a non-sleeper and likes to be held constantly I didn't really 100% believe myself and felt like a failure.
Onto my third baby now, and YES! DD1 was a HORRIBLE sleeper and NO I wasn't a sh!tty mum who just had to learn how to settle or learn how to let her cry it out, or learn how to give her some crazy mix of mashed seeds that the people in the old country fed babies from birth to get rid of colic and I did not need to switch to formula to help her sleep through. :P DD2 has been my best sleeper and loved sleep and still does. DS1 is in the middle somewhere of the two. It really is about personalities some times.
Good luck with sleep school, but also know that you are not a failure. If your baby is a very horrible sleeper by personality, you may need help with her, and I know that you said she screams for only you, but can you get any sleep in the day? If your DH is getting all his sleep at night, he should get up and get the party started at dawn. btw, men can also attend the sleep school so maybe he can do a few nights there instead of you?
Last edited by TinyLittleTootsies; 30-07-2012 at 01:34.
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30-07-2012 01:32 #4-
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Home, where my life lies waiting, silently, for me.
I know it doesnt help, but some kids are just like this. A friend has just had 2 years with no sleep, and I bow down to her, I dont know how you cope! You are NOT a failure!
Hope things get easier soon!
30-07-2012 02:14 #5Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
Oh wow. I could have written that myself but it would not have been nearly so eloquent. You are right- some babies are just really crappy sleepers. I had one & tried every single thing you have listed bar the purifier ( I like that..) I'm not going to offer advice coz lord knows you will have been given more than enough of that, but if you can somehow survive for the next little while (for us it was 15 months- I thought I was going to die) you will one day sleep again. It can be hard to believe when your in the thick of it, but I promise it will happen again. Enjoy your night off at tresilian and take the sleeping tablets if they offer them- as good or better than port
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30-07-2012 02:28 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
Wow, our sleep regression has been going for 5 weeks, and I thought I had it bad....
You poor thing.....I have nothing else to say, I know what sleep deprivation feels like & it is enough to put you off having second & subsequent children!!! And I too am sick of the "super parents" with their advice -- people mean well, but seriously, YES I've checked if he's too hot/cold.....!!!
Hope things get better for you soon xx
30-07-2012 02:41 #7
Just sending lots of virtual hugs (the kind that dbt touch you )
It will end. I know it doesnt seem that way now but yeah... lol
so sorry to hear hun xx
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30-07-2012 03:47 #8
You poor poor bugger. We went to sleep school last week. You are not a failure - asking for help doesn't make you weak. It makes you smart enough to stop pushing sh1t uphill.
I'm sure you have done it, but I wanted to ask anyway - has she been checked over by a paed, and then several more for second opinions? I'm not the baby whisperer, but it sounds like something is not quite right with your poor poppet & it's so unfair on both of you.
If your hubby is off work please ask him to look after your dd all day tomorrow so you can sleep. My DP did this for me one day - just woke me to feed her - and it made such a difference.
I have everything crossed for some relief for you soon.
30-07-2012 04:00 #9
Wishing you luck. DS1 was the worst possible sleeper too. I worked with someone with a ds 2 months older who slept through and he just looked confused when I looked tired. I went back to work at 6 months and was a zombie. I hear you on the one child thing. We were the same but DS2 decided to join us. God knows when he was conceived...DH and I were always so exhausted that we don't even remember DTD lol.
30-07-2012 04:10 #10
My nephew is a non-sleeper. At 14 months, he is a delightful little soul who simply needs less sleep than the average human.
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