My DF has been out of work for 4 months and at last he has a job which he starts Monday
Due to him being here with me at home since DD was born we have been alternating who gets up early with her and who does early morning feeds etc.
Since he got the job, he has been saying "now that I am working, your going to have to do all the feeds and early mornings etc" He said it with a cheeky smile etc but it got me thinking about what I did expect...
I also have a 3 year old DS. So my days are long like any parent. Up with DD at 5am..she rarely naps, but even when she does, I am looking after DS. Its not like I can nap when she does and DS hasnt napped for over a year now. My days are just as long and often stressful like any person who has a job outside the home..
n the other hand, I also respect the fact that DF needs to be at his best and productive at work in order to keep his job and support us financially which, as we all know, can be tough when sleep deprived..
SO, whats your thoughts? Do you still share the load both ways? Or......??
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27-07-2012 21:34 #1
what do you expect from your working partner??
27-07-2012 21:57 #2
(no doubt in line to be shot down....)
i'm a bit old school.
hubby works 6 days a week, 2.30am starts so i want him rested, focused etc. so he has never done night or morning feeds.
he gives her the odd bottle at night and when he looks after her but doesn't do baths (he's too scared ) and nappies he will jump in and do if needed.
i don't 'expect' him to do anything - because of what he already does, i am lucky enough to choose to stay at home with our children (i work one day a week for the mental stimulation).
he is also a chef and will bring home dinner or cook during the week if i ask. he happily throws his own laundry on if it needs doing and does the normal 'hubby' chores around the house.
so, while we don't share the 'baby/children' load both ways, in my opinion we share the overall load both ways and we are both happy.
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27-07-2012 22:02 #3
When DH is working the next day, I don't expect him to be up at night with the baby. He has a high stress job where lives are at risk if he makes the wrong decision. So I'm happy for him to be well rested.
When DH gets home I usually let him unwind for a bit before he helps with the evening routine. He does 50/50 after that.
If DH does an afternoon shift he helps out in the mornings then I send him off for a rest/nap prior to him going to work.
Yeah, I know, I'm too nice lol....
27-07-2012 22:04 #4
DH gets up with DD which is usually between 6-7:30, it's been more 7:00ish at the moment and makes her breakfast. This is in exchange for me doing all the night feeds/wakings etc.
He also looks after her when he gets home from work at about 5:15 and looks after her while I make dinner. He then baths her and then I put her to bed.
On the weekends we share looking after baby duties, though I usually do the nap and cooking etc.
27-07-2012 22:06 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
We both work in paid employment so we share the load entirely. When one of us is at home we will do all the childcare obviously, and as much housework as is possible.. which some days is.. nothing.. other days we will do all the laundry and clean most of the house. So I guess we just expect of each other that we will be helpful, do our fair share and not be lazy.. if so gets home at 8 pm and says he has had a lousy day I might say "that sucks, sit down, ill bring you dinner." Or I might say "same here, the kids have been so full on, haven't had a minute to think all day." And he will get his own dinner and help with putting kids to bed and cleaning up.
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27-07-2012 22:13 #6Junior Member
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- Jul 2012
Ive been very fortunate, with all 3 babies that i have my partner has been doing morning feeds every day from the day each child was born up until the days they were born, he appreciated the fact that i had carried our beloved children for 9months and to go through all the pain to bring extra happiness into his life and for that he helps me with feeding our children and changing them. While he works ill be at home with our children doing what all mothers do to take care of their babies and extra work like dealing with finances and household chores, grocery shopping and the list goes on....he always tells me that he can never be half the man he is when i do 10x the work that he does and not get paid for doing it. So when hes home he takes over with the kids which he is more than happy doing.
27-07-2012 22:17 #7
DH works 6 days and runs our business so I know how hard it is ! But I'm lucky he still (voluntarily) does what he always did around the house before DS, vacuuming/moping/garbage/yard i never do plus he will do a load or two of washing if its needed
When DS was a baby I would get up if he woke before 5am but DH would get up after 5am so I could sleep in until 9 before he went to work !
Our evening routine now is great as he plays with DS and does bath/teeth/bed every night as he wants to spend time with him and once I finish making dinner and cleaning the kitchen I can relax and watch tv and read bubhub !
27-07-2012 22:27 #8
Depends really. If DH was staying up really late at night doing trivial stuff like playing games or whatever.. I'd expect him share morning shifts with me, as work obviously isn't that tiring when you can stay up till midnight playing games.
however, if he was genuinely tired and going to bed about 10-ish... then I 'probably' wouldn't expect him to get up Mon-Fri, but I would definitely expect him to get up both Sat and Sun and let me sleep.
When we had O and J we kind of needed both hands on deck to start with... and so when we had single babies after that it was really great to go from both of us being up every morning/feed, to taking turns.
These days generally I get up Mon-Fri when DH is out of the house, on days he's home he gets up.
(night wakes have never really been an issue since O and J because I breastfed and co-slept.
27-07-2012 22:29 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2008
I've always done all the night feeds by myself, I don't see any point in both of us being tired, and since I breast feed I get all the lovely hormones that help me through it anyway. I do the majority of the cleaning, cooking, washing etc, while hes at work, but I expect him to help out when he's here. I also expect respite from the kids, and I'm not a fan of him 'having a break' when he gets home. I don't get a break til the kids are in bed- so why should he!?
I try to get him doing the more child related stuff in the evening so it means he's spending time with them (bathing, stories, homework etc) while I do the boring mundane household stuff.
TThat's my EXPECTATIONS, but in reality he's pretty useless and I do most of it myself anyway
27-07-2012 22:35 #10
DH and I tag team throughout the night. We have to check our son's blood glucose levels every 2 to 3 hours day and night, and resettle him after every check (he wakes up, as it's a pin prick). If I had to do all night checks and look after both boys all day long, I would drop dead from exhaustion. It would be okay in the short term, but we will be doing this for many, many years. Tag teaming is what works best for us
If DH has a particularly long or arduous shift the following day, I do all night checks, but it's very tiring
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