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  1. #1
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    Default Family overload!

    Looking for some advice please.
    My hubby & I recently moved from South Africa to WA. We don't have any family in Aus. With us now expecting our first baby, the family is very excited. We expected our parents to come over for the birth from SA. Last night my in-laws called and told us that it's not only them but also my hubby's brothers and their families. So a total of 8 people from the in-laws. Only my mom & dad will be coming over. We're travelling to Perth from Newman for the birth. We'll rent a house for 5-6 weeks. So now we need to get a house for 12 people. I'm freaking out with the idea of having 12 people around me at this time. What do you think? Or am I just being ungrateful, because it's a lot of effort for them to get here?

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    If I were you, get a place for just you guys, and the rest of your families can get a place elsewhere.

    They do not need to be around you 24/7.

    You will be frustrated and exhausted enough. You do not need to be pandering to 12 peoples opinions, needs or wants! (which is what will happen, no matter what they say!)

    Get your own space and have Hubby set up some boundaries, so you feel comfortable.

    If you are going to be around all those people at once, perhaps travel to them. Don't have them all over at your place.

    It is not being ungrateful at all. You need alot of rest and space and they need to respect that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MsImpatient View Post
    If I were you, get a place for just you guys, and the rest of your families can get a place elsewhere.

    They do not need to be around you 24/7.

    You will be frustrated and exhausted enough. You do not need to be pandering to 12 peoples opinions, needs or wants! (which is what will happen, no matter what they say!)

    Get your own space and have Hubby set up some boundaries, so you feel comfortable.

    If you are going to be around all those people at once, perhaps travel to them. Don't have them all over at your place.

    It is not being ungrateful at all. You need alot of rest and space and they need to respect that.
    This

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    Quote Originally Posted by MsImpatient View Post
    If I were you, get a place for just you guys, and the rest of your families can get a place elsewhere.

    They do not need to be around you 24/7.

    You will be frustrated and exhausted enough. You do not need to be pandering to 12 peoples opinions, needs or wants! (which is what will happen, no matter what they say!)

    Get your own space and have Hubby set up some boundaries, so you feel comfortable.

    If you are going to be around all those people at once, perhaps travel to them. Don't have them all over at your place.

    It is not being ungrateful at all. You need alot of rest and space and they need to respect that.
    Yep, totally agree

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    OMG, good god no, don't have that many ppl around you. they can find their own accommodation.. maybe just have the parents if you want, but seriously that many ppl is ridiculous. why can't the rest come later? you don't know if you will end up having a ceaserian, or having trouble bonding or breastfeeding, you just may not be up to having that many ppl around. you will be tired too.

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    IS there anyway of putting anyone off? It depends on your family but you may just want it to be you and your DH especially in the time before/after. When are you due? Can you arrange for them to all come out for Christmas/easter when bubs is a bit older. Also suggest if everyone is here at once you won't get as much quality time with them plus they won't get as much time with the baby after it is born.

    In all honesty, yes it is nice for family to meet your new baby but they don't get much time with them and they only sleep, you are exhausted everyone wants to see you so that only increases the exhaustion.

    I don't think you are selfish at all. I live in a country town a distance from where I was delivering. My parents are in another state but my dad has his Sister in the town where my inlaws live. I was staying with my inlaws for the time I had to leave my country town to when bubs arrived. DH arrived a few days before my due date. My parents really irritate me but they were excited about the birth so I said, yes come over when bubs is born. I went overdue, I was in prelabour and they were making stupid comments when I did see them ie Asking a 40+3 woman in prelabour how her weight was going. Ummmmm, not really been focussing on that. I ended up only seeing my parents a few times after bubs eventually arrived as so many people wanted to see me and my parents also didn't want to intrude. We had bubs via emergency ceasarean on the Monday then had to leave to go home on teh Friday as DH had promised friends we would stay in a town halfway home to see them. We didn't really get quality time with anyone. The in-laws came out to see us a month later and stayed in a hotel. They got great quality time with bubs and us, feeding was a bit more established and we were in our own environment. They were also able to do practical things to assist us - ironing, washing etc.
    When my waters broke and contractions started 2 hours later the in-laws and my brother in law were out for the day. It was just me and DH so we could just relax and do things at our pace. LAter that evening when things were starting to increase I was not really comfortable labouring with them there and ended up going into hospital and was only 1cm but allowed to stay because my waters had broken. KEep in mind that with lots of other people in the house you may not be enable to get comfortable labouring.

    I guess what I am trying to say: Have your own space, don't be afraid to set limits but have an honest discussion with them about their expectations of seeing you post birth. Even suggest they come out a month or two later, bubs will be doing more interesting things too - cooing, smiling etc and you will be a bit more adjusted to being a parent.

    Good luck

  8. #7
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    I would loose my mind if someone from DH's family said they were going to be having that many come to stay directly after the birth of our child!

    Honestly, the LAST thing you need when you've just given birth is a whole heap of people being there, getting in the way and offering "helpful" advice when you're trying to work out what's going to work for you.

    I'd be telling them they're welcome to get their own rental for a while, but that you're only going to be renting a one bedroom place (bub can sleep in a bassinet in your room). Just whatever you do, don't let them pull the whole "Oh but we're going to be traveling so far!" noise.
    You and probably aren't even going to be functioning like a normal person for the first few weeks (I microwaved DS's baby monitor I was so tired!) so you'll be in no state to entertain, let alone even tolerate the constant ministrations of well-meaning in laws.

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    That's alot of people in your space. I would try for 2 houses. You may appreciated your parents being there but more could be more stressful

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    If the 2 separate houses upset them could you get a couple of units or townhouses together that way you can have your own space but they are close enough that they don't feel left out. Then if you need privacy just close the door

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    Whoa! No way in heck I'd even have my own parents stay with me just after having bubs! I made them wait 6 weeks until Christmas (by then hubby and I had worked a few things out nd had a bit of a routine going.

    I agree with pp's: let them find their own accommodation or encourage them to visit when bubs is older. Nowdays with Skype you can video conference relatives every day if you want to!


 

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