Firstly, I apologise if there's already a thread on single mums, but theres so many pages to go through I just thought i'd start a new one!
I am currently 20 weeks pregnant, and single. I was casually seeing a man when I got pregnant, it was unplanned, but not unwanted, at least not on my bahalf. The father of the child has not denied paternity, and did at one point say he wanted to be a part of the childs life. Since that point I think I have seen him twice, and we have gone for over 6 weeks without any contact. I made some decisions about the pregnancy and started planning like I was doing this on my own, as he has not shown any interest in the pregnancy and has certainly provided no support. I texted him on Thursday to inform him of the results of the morphology scan. He then says to me, after weeks of no contact, that he is looking forward to naming the child because thats the fathers role, needless to say that upset me somewhat given he has not acted like a father at any point during the pregnancy!
I am struggling with what to do with this man. He is her father, and has every right to be involved in her life, just as she should know her dad, but how involved can he expect to be? Is it fair of me to say when he starts taking some financial responsibility he can start making decisions about her life? Im not sure legally where I stand on the whole money thing, can I ask him for help with medical bills?
Any advise would be appreciated. I have recently decided to stop contacting him, because it's no good for me as I get quite emotional, of course if he contacts me I respond. I would ideally like for him to realise what he needs to do on his own, I'm just not sure he will.
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26-07-2012 10:34 #1
26-07-2012 10:39 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2009
It is my understanding that both parents have equal rights to decisions regarding the children. If there is a dispute then it can go to mediation or the courts.
With regards to naming, I know if the parents disagree the default is both surnames in alphabetical order (with or without a hyphen). I dont know how a dispute over the first name would be resolved.
26-07-2012 10:47 #3
I guess more weight is given if the name used is a family name, because my friend went through it and in mediation the father wanted a middle name that was "pretty sounding" while the mother wanted the one that was in her family for 5 generations, now 6, and the mediator basically said he would have to be a cruel person to take that away from her and the mother got it her way, but let the father have more say over the first name with specifications that it cannot be a made up name, made up spelling, or like they were naming a 90 year old.
26-07-2012 10:50 #4-
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
A first name dispute can end up in court but doesn't often,
My best advice to you is to cease initiating contact, leave that to him.
If he wishes to contact you and ask that is his right but it is not upto you to chase him.
A name has to be signed off by both parties if you have him on the birth certificate.
And it's not a fathers 'right' to name a child, it is the right of BOTH parents if both parents arethe involved.
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26-07-2012 11:12 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2008
He is the father but he doesnt have every right to be involved in her life. I was in a similar situation to you. I went ahead on my own and the baby has my surname - way way easier as they get older and you register them for school/sport etc.
26-07-2012 15:26 #6
I am going through almost exactly the same thing, only I cut off all contact to the father after telling him because he got very openly upset and depressed and I didnt want to push him. I'll be writing to him in about a month, I'll be about 25 weeks then. I want him in our daughters life but I don't want drama or fighting. I simply can't be bothered and our little girl deserves better!!
Pm me if you want to chat, I find it refreshing that amongst all of the women on here, someone isn't married and happy, lol! Sounds horrible but it's kind of nice to know I'm not alone!
26-07-2012 15:37 #7
I agree don't chase him, if he wants to be in your child's life he will make the effort. My DD1s 'sperm donor' was in her life for the first year and it was only roughly about 6 months if I was to add it all up! She's turning 4 in October and she wouldn't hve a clue who he is. I don't have a number for him or know where he lives. He has tried once to see her about a year and a half ago but never showed up! My daughter has a daddy who loves her and treats her as he does our second daughter and no different.
As with the name being the father right??? WTF?? I have never heard that befor. If its the last name I would suggest giving bubs your last name I made the mistake of giving dd his last name and so wish I could chnge it. If it the first name hes talking about he's gotta be crazy!! What mother has NO say on what her baby is named?
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