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22-07-2012 15:54 #31
23-07-2012 07:46 #32
I would class it as intent to cheat and a betrayal none the less. I would be hurt (I've been there before a few times) and trust is hard to build up again, but it can work if you want it too.
It all depends if you feel you can get past it and hopefully he has shown you some remorse.
23-07-2012 08:20 #33
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I personally wouldn't label it as cheating but the hurt and betrayal would be absolutely on the same level, perhaps worse as you would always be wondering what would have happened if you didn't catch it before they were supposed to meet.
I believe that relationships can work past infidelity if both partners are fully on board, and the offending partner undertakes all steps to gain and keep trust again, as a life long commitment.
I believe people make stupid mistakes and that if the love is there and you are not willing to give up on him, you can eventually be back in a happy, trusting place.
23-07-2012 08:46 #34
Emotional cheating, yes. Physical, no.
Would I trust again? Possibly. It would depend in their actions afterwards.
23-07-2012 08:49 #35
I'm sorry to hear ur going thru this, it's an awful feeling to constantly have. Personally, I would consider this cheating & to be honest would find it difficult to work through as there wouldn't be any trust. If he is truly sorry for writing those things....not just for being caught then it'd be worth trying to work through it & getting to the bottom of it. Maybe he didnt realize how hurtful it was? I hope he comes to his senses & it all works out. xx
23-07-2012 13:47 #36
I am not sure if it's cheating but the potential was there and I would be seeing red.
Ex did this, he chatted with girls over the net, then he met one (well one that I know of anyway). It made me not trust him.
23-07-2012 14:43 #37Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
Of course it is cheating! To all of you who think it is not, you really need to understand, cheating is not just physical. It is anything that makes you feel betrayed.
I have been cheated on by an ex ('oh but I need to have 'spare tyres' incase we don't work out'), though did not 'realise' it was cheating til well after the relationship was over.
I personally think, if both parties are willing to make amends, then of course you can move forward.
However, to me, there are some behaviours, that you as the victim, needs to avoid.
DO NOT become a checker. Don't go through his phone, emails or facebook or whatever. Stop LOOKING for a problem. This is a very hard step.
However, what is even harder, is trying to stop checking his personal things. You will never gain trust and faith back by being a checker. Or at least in my opinion, it is really hard to.
Give this a go. For 1 week, give him the benefit of the doubt. Fake it til you make it. ACT like you trust him, and have faith in him.
After that week, assess how it went. Was the full, open communication there? Did he act anything like his old self, when you caught him being unfaithful? No?
Then give him the benefit of the doubt for another week. And so on and so forth.
Soon enough, you will start feeling a whole lot better about things.
If he starts acting shifty, then be open and talk to him. But until then, just focus on being a great couple and parents. Keep all communication open.
This will be one of the hardest things you ever have to do, however the payoff can be great.
But also, in saying all of the above, if you are feeling too emotionally tortured, then take a break. It is not worth your sanity.
23-07-2012 14:55 #38
Trust can be rebuilt but ONLY if he is the one to admit he is wrong, cease all contact with any other woman and be an open book to you (ie give u access to emails, phone, computer) etc etc
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