No cry sleep solution can be helpful.
Maybe go to the library and grab a collection of baby sleep books and see if there's anything in there that might be helpful.
For dealing with family members. I tend to go the smile, nod and "oh okay, thanks". And ignore.
With your husband talk to him about why you don't agree with CC. If you don't think it's right fir your child, advocate for your baby and if you have to just tell your husband it's not happening.
Though if you find a no-cry settling solution try to involve him in a approach you are comfortable with.
Good luck <3
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18-07-2012 13:11 #11
18-07-2012 13:13 #12
Ours is a pretty long stroy, but I'll try to stick to the short version!!
DS started waking 1-2 hourly overnight at 4 months and it lasted for a solid 5 months until I had to do something about it for everyones sanity. Luckily DH and my immediate family never pressured to CC, although I was told by plenty of others it was the only way to make a baby sleep.
I read Elizabeth Pantley's 'No-Cry Sleep Solutions' and it was pretty helpful with some tips on helping bub to sleep better. It's not a rigid 'program', which I knew DS would never adhere to. Our issue was that DS needed to feed to re-settle at every wake up. I had to slowly and gently wean him from feeding to rocking/ cuddling to settling in cot. There was some crying, because he was pretty unhappy about no boobie at the start, but I was always with him and it didn't last long. There was a big improvement from about 12 months (it goes up and down still a little bit), and now at 18 months he can mostly settle himself if he wakes during the night.
There is light at the end of the tunnel - you don't have to CC or CIO. Hang in there
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19-07-2012 08:54 #13
Thank you everyone for your advice, suggestions and personal stories.
I have done so much reading on the damage that CC does. I have tried showing DH the research and data but his opinion is "if it worked for our parents then it's not a bad thing!" :-(
I've just purchased No Cry Sleep Solution so hopefully that will help! I've also read Pinky Mckay's books and Safe Sleep Space. It's so hard finding the time to read these books when you have a house and baby to look after and you are sleep deprived!
I'll try being vague from now on and I'll have to convince DH to the same! He has a big mouth and tells everyone what's going on which is very embarrassing!
I just feel like such a failure! :-(
19-07-2012 09:28 #14
It's a shame your DH isn't on board with you, but you might just have to stick to your guns and do what you know is right for you and your baby. When it comes to unwanted advice from others I just nod and say thank-you politely and put in straight the 'never going to do that!' basket.
19-07-2012 09:32 #15
It's completely normal for babies and children to wake at night and IMO you are doing the right thing by responding to your child. Both my kids woke A LOT and people did suggest CC/CIO. I just said it was my baby and my sleep, so I would deal with it my own way. By the second child, nobody suggested anything like that
19-07-2012 09:34 #16
You aren't failure! You are protecting your child's well being by being there to comfort when it's needed!
I too have suffered through the many comments of "you really need to try controlled crying"
I have stuck to my guns and I now feel the opposite to a failure. I feel like a better parent for being there for my child when he needed me.
07-08-2012 23:57 #17Professional Pregnyl hater
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
The no cry sleep solution works - you just have to tweak it a little to suit you and your bub and persist (as with all sleep things). We tried a version of controlled crying and my littlie developed a grudge against me for a good week or two (they told me this was "impossible" at her age when I said she was reacting so badly - refusing cuddles, wouldn't let me pick her up) - in short it didn't work. I had a week of coaching and she wouldn't "learn to self settle" because she's just not that kind of bub. Her cot is now in arm's reach of me at night and while she takes 45 minutes to go to sleep (half an hour reading and then a bit of me singing with the lights off ending in quiet time) she goes to sleep and stays asleep unless she wants a sip of water. I'm sure self settling works for some, or works with hardcore Mums, but it wasn't for me and I'll never attempt it again! My other half was a bit blabberish too... he'd say things to my MIL like "oh she (me) can't get baby to sleep at night and she cries all the time" so of course the MIL would start getting all bossy and nosey and it would MAJORLY pee me off! :P And as for the "it worked for our parents" ooooooh there are so many counter arguments! There are a LOT of things our parents did that we can now see weren't good, products that are now banned etc.
The most important thing I took away from the book was that you do what feels right for you and bub. I was glad to read a book that finally said *I* had a say in things and gave my small person a voice too. So many sleep methods ignore what your baby might want! As the previous posters have said, you're NOT a failure, you're still working on it so ow can that be counted as a fail!?
10-08-2012 19:40 #18Junior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
11-08-2012 10:25 #19
Thank you so much to everyone who has posted and offered advice or suggestions. I really appreciate it! I am reading The No Cry Sleep Solution but have yet to put anything into place yet as DD is quite sick at the moment.
11-08-2012 10:47 #20
Don't know about CC as my baby is still very little but in regards to being pressured I just want to say YOU are the MOTHER! Do what feels right for your baby, mother's instincts are there for a reason! It's nice that people care enough to make suggestions I guess they want to help but at the end of the day it should be what you know is best for your baby. I'm a believer of going with your mother's instincts, so far I've been right every time, don't know where it comes from but I'm positive you know what's right just don't let people pressure or put a negative spin on things. Plus I think babies cry for a reason, could be anything from being scared of something in the room to wanting to be held, think if you couldn't communicate but really wanted something really bad would you not cry and get frustrated and cry some more?
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