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  1. #1
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    Default Is this weird? - Dad/baby bond.

    Wondering if anyone can shed some light. XDP doesn't seem to really give a toss about DD. She's 6 mths old and he sees her once a week usually for a few hours.. He works 6 days a week for the most part and does travel but it's more the fact he doesn't ask after her, EVER - and that isn't an exaggeration. I've tested my theory over the last week, we haven't spoken at all because I haven't phoned him. I don't have FB anymore so its not like hes kept up to date with her there. Is he just a dead beat Dad? I cant go a few hrs without her, but he doesn't seem to really care about her? Did your XDP/DP/DH proactively miss your kids when they were little? Its just to make me think he just doesn't want her.

  2. #2
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    It usually takes men longer to bond with children especially when there so young and not seeing them everyday.

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    I think my brother was like this, he was so busy working and 'providing' while his DW was a SAHM that he never really had a chance to bond with either of his kids until they were more active. Depends on XDP's role models as well - if his own father wasn't very involved then it's likely XDP will follow his example as he may not know any better.

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    I don't think it's weird or that he's necessarily a dead beat dad. I think men presume if something significant happened you'd tell them, otherwise it's just life as usual. Our boys dad is fantastic, but he can easily go a week or two without calling us.
    I also agree with pp. with men I think the bond grows over time, whereas with women it's often intense from the start.

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    Thanks Andy. So is it normal then? Its so hard because I just do everything and he doesn't spend enough time with her to pick up any slack.. He was supposed to see her today for swimming lessons and just didn't, he makes other things his priority, will brush her off to see his friends, party etc.

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    My oldest DDs father has been like that with her since she was a baby and she's now almost 4. He started having her overnight every weekend when she was a toddler but doesn't ask about her in between visits. Even if he skips a week, or goes on holiday for a few weeks he doesn't enquire about her. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her though, I've seen him with her recently and I know he's a very proud and loving dad. He also knows that if something serious happened I'd call. I wouldn't be too concerned. I think men are a little different to us when it comes to things like this and it doesn't necessarily mean he loves or cares for her any less.

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    Thankyou for all of your replies, they have helped immensely. I wish he did ask after her more, but it's good to know it's not abnormal. I guess I don't understand it because I obviously have a different type of bond with DD.. I have people constantly telling me he isn't around enough and thats hard to ignore.

    Thanks again :-)

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    My DD's dad and I are not in a relationship (she's 9 months old), although we are friends (I've known him for 9+ years through family). He tries to visit her at least once a week, but most of the time I don't speak to him in between those visits. He does love her though, very much, definitely not a deadbeat dad and when we're catching up I can see that he's rather smitten.

    I get along really well with FOB's girlfriend (he lives with her), and I actually have more contact with her than with him, mainly through facebook.

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    I would say it is odd. My husband phones his 2 kids at least every second day- usually daily. However we have the kids for 2 weeks straight over the holidays and never get a call from their mum. In fact she asked us to stop letting the girls call as that time is her break.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Meags82 View Post
    I would say it is odd. My husband phones his 2 kids at least every second day- usually daily. However we have the kids for 2 weeks straight over the holidays and never get a call from their mum. In fact she asked us to stop letting the girls call as that time is her break.
    That is bizarre - if they want to call their Mum I can't understand why she wouldn't want them to feel they can?

    OP, in answer to your question, I think everyone is different. My DP is extremely hands on & adores his little girl - he can't go even a few hours away from us without texting to see how we're going. We often meet for lunch near where he's working that day so he can have some midday cuddles! I disagree that men are inclined to repeat their father's behaviour - DPs dad was very much an absent father but I can never see DP having similar behaviour. I think its very individual.


 

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