I'm sure we all lose our cool sometimes, but I feel awful when I yell and try not to as much as possible. It frightens DS if I yell and that's not what I want to achieve! I realise it's pointless.
Try counting to ten, and ask DH to step in while you walk away and take a breather.
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16-07-2012 00:05 #131
16-07-2012 04:56 #132
I don't yell, but I have a strong, loud voice, so a general "HEY!" will often get their attention if they are doing something silly.
Usually, my "battles" are doing my daughter's hair and getting dressed, but I just tell her if she doesn't do her hair or get dressed, then we can't go out, which usually works as we go out everyday and she doesn't want us to stay at home.
16-07-2012 06:27 #133-
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
Thankyou to everyone who has taken the time to reply to me! I will try and remember all the suggestions.
*The girls are in the same room as me when they get dressed, the heater is on to keep them warm when they are getting dressed.
*I have tried to make it a game before. My 6 year old almost always wins and then my 4 year gets upset that she lost. They can play board games etc. fine but races like this end badly. If my 4 year old manages to win the 6 year old goes on a big raging tantrum about how it was unfair because blah blah blah and then flat out refuses to do anything until she has calmed down, which can take ages.
* I am there and I remind them as needed. I can not stop and follow them around. I don't have time. They were completely capable of doing this stuff on their own with no problems but something changed over the last few months and they are getting progressively worse. Perhaps my expectations should change but without time there isn't much I can do and it's only going to be worse next year cause I won't even be getting them ready. It will be my husband doing it on his own. That's just how it has to work for my family.
* Natural consequences is my preferred method of discipline and it worked great when they were younger for this. Now my 6 year old just gets cocky about the fact that she got to wear her hair out to school or whatever, and then the next morning she is very smart about the fact that she doesn't care if she goes out without xyz. The 4 year old gets so worked up about is she almost has an anxiety attack. I won't put her through that much stress.
*I will not put my 6 year old in charge of my 4 year old. She already thinks she is the boss of her and rides her back day in and day out. It's a huge issue I am working very hard at stopping. I can't put her in charge of anything.
* I have already said we have no tv/music or toys until they are ready for the day. Actually there is no tv on in the morning at all, regardless of if they are ready or not.
* Breakfast has to come before getting dressed. I don't actually get home until 7.15am or 7.20am some mornings and my husband will get up and get them breakfast before getting himself ready for work. It would eat in to too much of my time to have to make 3 breakfasts. Plus they are too messy. They would dirty their clothes.
* My son is a very slow eater and can take until 8am to finish his breakfast...getting them all dressed together won't work until my son eats his breakfast quicker.
*Separating them is good for my 6 year old..my 4 year old still manages to fluff around that 15 minutes later she's still not dressed. I swear she believes that 'hurry up' means 'go as slow as you possibly can.'
Ok so I think I covered everything and currently my kids are running around ignoring what I asked them to do so I have to go and get them ready for the day. I will make up a chart for them with pictures so they can see what it is that needs to be done. If that doesn't help I don't know what I'm going to do because I really do feel like I have tried everything.
They used to be so good that I used to give parent's at school tips on how to make their mornings run smoothly to get their kids to school on time. Mine would be ready at 8am and have 30 minutes of play time. The older they get the worse they are getting.
I really do appreciate all the suggestions. I am not trying to be difficult. I also know that these things take time to improve and have given all these things time to work but they just get worse and worse and there's no improvement I want my peaceful mornings back.
16-07-2012 06:46 #134
Do you think maybe you're overthinking all of this? Children are never going to do everything you want them to do when you want it to be done - you will only stress yourself out by fighting a losing battle, which sounds like what's happening now.
Maybe, your son being a slow eater, grab something he can eat in the car instead like a banana or something? Or some kind of breakfast cracker? That will save 15 mins.... Things like that, just think outside the square.
Does it really matter if the tv is on in the morning? Actually I find it helps distract DS from getting into other sorts of mischief...
Trying to control every little thing will never work. Breatheeee.
And good luck.
Last edited by Ellewood; 16-07-2012 at 06:51.
16-07-2012 08:58 #135Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
You certainly do need to 'think' about how to make things go as smoothly as possible, you can't just let things go and hope for the best! What would you say to the teacher when, at the end of the year, your child has 200 odd partial absenses on their report card... "oh sorry, she just doesn't get dressed in time and I can't really control every little thing she does in the mornings"... I don't think that would go down too well?
And as for the second part of your comment that children will 'never' going to do what you want them to [regarding mornings], well yes, they are, because they have to learn to, because they have to be out the door at a set time.
Sorry if I sound defensive on this but it's very VERY easy for a mum of one toddler that sometimes ducks out to the shops or park to say "oh relax, let them get ready in their own time, BREEEATHE"
16-07-2012 09:07 #136
CMF, bep has one child. Totally agree with everything you have said!
16-07-2012 09:08 #137
CMF you are spot on for my house.
Pre children going to school we had a much more relaxed life. Throwing in school mornings is a whole new kettle of fish.
Ok I could get everything ready for them and do everything for them but that is not how I'm raising my little people. I 'yell' at my children to get ready. Sometimes school mornings turn to s&it and mummy raises her voice. Not the end of the world, by the classroom doors everything is forgiven and we have made it another day.
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16-07-2012 09:50 #138
OMG, I have a 8, 6 and 1yo and school mornings can be CHAOTIC!! And yes, on occaision I yell....The older two KNOW what needs to be done to get ready, but get so distracted with each other and waste so much time. I have found having a relatively set routine helps - ie things are always done in the same order - breakfast, uniform, shoes, hair, teeth, school bags etc. I also have a rule that they CANNOT be in the bathroom at the same time as each other..they always bicker and fight in there together and nothing gets done. We tried a check-list type thing for a bit, but I found I was constantly asking them if they had checked their list, so defeated the purpose really. I usually set things up for them - like get out ther uniforms and put them in front of them.
Agree, NO TV in the mornings, puts them in go slow mode.
I don't actully know anyone with more than 2 school age kids that has smooth, chaos-free mornings everyday....just doesn't happen, and most people I know resort to hollering "hurry up, and get ready!" I certainly don't judge parents who resort to yelling at their school-age children in the morning! I love school holidays...no rush to get ready!!
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16-07-2012 10:39 #139-
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
Thankyou Thermolicious, CMF and Kaybaby.
No, blackyeyedpea I don't think I'm over thinking it. Not once have I said I expect my children to get up and do it all on their own. If you read my posts properly you'll see it resorts to me asking them to do the same thing over and over and over again and being ignored.
Feeding my son a substantial breakfast in the car will not save time. The fact that he sits in his highchair and takes forever to eat is beneficial to me. It means he isn't off destroying the house. My problem is not with him.
TV in the morning is an absolute nightmare. Even once it is off they can't get going. I'm also not about to dress them and do everything for them while they sit in front of the tv like zombies. A mum at school does this and quite frankly I think it teaches them absolutely nothing and it not how it is going to be in my household.
Anyway, I was coming in to say that today I just reminded them of every single tiny little thing they had to do while I was eating breakfast/cleaning the kitchen etc. etc. My 4 year old didn't get out of bed until 7.30am but she still managed to be completely ready by 8am. My 6 year old was already completely ready for the day at 8am. There was no yelling and once we got in the car I thanked them all for listening and for such a great morning!!
I am going to make the chart...they can get used to looking at it. Next year husband will be in charge of getting them ready for the day on his own and he will struggle. So if they can get used to checking a chart and making sure they've done anything then this will hopefully help their morning go smoother.
16-07-2012 10:41 #140
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