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  1. #21
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    DH and I made a deal - I'd take his surname if he wore a ring. We were both resisting these points so it was a good compromise for us.

    Have you ever investigated why sex is painful for you? I'm assuming you mean physically painful? There might be a medical issue that needs addressing such as endometriosis - getting it corrected might really help. But as said above, I think you should also explore counselling. If your DH won't go, do it for yourself. If he starts seeing a change in you it might encourage him to participate.

  2. #22
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    I haven't read the responses but for me, taking off my ring was very symbolic.

    I would be upset too if I were you.

  3. #23
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    I would be annoyed if my husband (I mean, if I had one) didn't wear his ring, if it's because it's too dangerous to wear at work then I understand that, as long as he put it back on afterwards.

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    I agree with a pp, if taking off the ring and not wanting to wear it is out of character then it would be an issue, but if he's never really worn it consistently then I wouldn't worry about it. If my DH stopped wearing his ring then that would bother me and probably be indicative of some underlying issue, but my DH has never expressed that the ring is uncomfortable and he doesn't have to take it off for work.

    As for painful sex, has this been investigated? Go to your gp and get a referral for a gynaecologist and a referral for a psychologist so you can have that counseling. He can't stop you from seeking counselling to help you with this issue, in fact why is he not doing everything within his power to help you get this sorted?

    I hope you can get the answers you need from the gynie and psych

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  6. #25
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    Thanks so much to everyone for your responses!

    I think the wedding ring thing is upsetting me because I feel it might be his way of saying if I won't try then he won't. He made his wedding ring himself. It took him a few months of melting it down and beating it out until he got the right shape. He was so proud of himself and I was really proud of him too. It is possible I'm reading too much into it but I can't see why he can't wear it when he's not at work. He's a shift engineer at a hospital. So even though he does spend a lot of time in a controls room he does have to go and fix things and check boilers etc.

    As for the other issues. I have decided to seek counselling regardless. I think if he sees that it is helping then he'll get on board. He is usually a very reasonable guy. I think that we are just not connecting with each other at the moment and so lots of little things are becoming big things. We have always had a great relationship and have always been good friends. I'm sure this is fixable if I do something about it now

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    Just an update. I have made an appointment for Saturday. It feels good to finally do something about this. But at $170 a session I hope it works!! Oh and DH turned up with his wedding ring on yesterday. It's amazing how things start to happen when you put the balls in motion

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  9. #27
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    Glad you've organised some counselling. Sounds like a good idea. My dh found wearing his wedding ring uncomfortable and often got ezcema under it. It was a good thing he wasn't wearing it when he broke that finger one day and ended up needing surgery. Now that he's had a broken ring finger the ring won't go on now, but that doesn't matter to me.

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    Glad to hear that things are looking up for you.. I just wanted to say that I believe in relationships that it's equally important to find other ways to be intimate and affectionate than just DTD. You may find that a nice massage for your DH connects you physically, putting you more in the mood by breaking the ice! Pleasing him with touch can break the tension for him too. Don't be surprised if he is a bit niggly and grumpy, as he feels disconnected from you as well. Men generally don't know how to communicate their feelings, we all know this, but sometimes we forget to read their body language. He may feel awkward due to knowing your issues with being intimate and not know how to get connected in other ways. Having a date night can be really great, as communication sometimes gets forgotten with everyday mundane life! Once you find a way to start talking to each other, having a laugh and a good old cuddle... Thing will hopefully look brighter, and you will start looking at the positives, not reading into things, like many of us tend to do!

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    I am the opposite to you..

    my husband finds sex painful and I do not wear my wedding ring.
    only because its annoying and uncomfy.

    you should go to counselling. lack of sex can be really hard on the other party and open communication helps a lot. x


 

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