Never do, I feel uncomfortable when work tell they boy I look after to give me a kiss goodbye, if he wants to, fine but when he has no interest I just blow him a kiss goodbye.
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11-07-2012 09:42 #21
11-07-2012 09:49 #22
We simply say "do you want to say goodbye to x, y, z" and the rest us up to them, they can wave, say goodbye, kiss, hug, the choice is theirs.
We would *never* force them to kiss/hug anyone, not even us.
*I can haz typos*
11-07-2012 09:50 #23
For immediate family that we see regularly (basically just my family, in laws and our grandparents) I tell DS we're going home and ask if he wants to say goodbye or has a cuddle for anyone. He usually just waves.
I also hate when he's playing and family go up to him and pick him up when he clearly doesn't want to. I always say "no he doesn't want to be picked up right now, he'll come to you". DS takes a while to warm up in social settings.
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11-07-2012 09:53 #24
It's horrible..taking physical choices away from children, and very dangerous in my opinion. Children have barriers up for a reason, and when they feel secure they will move beyond those.
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11-07-2012 10:06 #25
Ask? Yes. Force? No.
I often ask him for kisses, but if he says no, I don't make him kiss me, so why would I force him to kiss someone else!
DS is nearly 3 and we usually say something like "does Grandpa get a kiss bye?" and leave it upto him. But we only do it with family that he sees all the time.
I would never force him to kiss anyone and don't even ask him if its friends - then we wave. I kiss some of my friends, but not all. That's my choice and I want me kids to be able to make the same choice.
Besides, if you force kids to do something like that they are uncomfortable with, how can we then say to them that their body is their own and no-one has the right to touch them??
11-07-2012 10:13 #26
My babe isn't born yet but no I will never even ask her to kiss or hug anyone. My grandmother was a very cold woman who openly didn't like me and every time we saw her (which was a lot) my mum would say "give Nana a kiss". Up until she died when I was 22. I hated it because it left me with two options: give this person I didn't like at all a kiss, or say no, have it turned into a big fiasco and make everyone in the room awkward. Two bad options. Just thinking about it now makes me cringe and I hope to never make my daughter so uncomfortable!
11-07-2012 10:17 #27
My kids are quite affectionate, they always hug and kiss Dh and I and ds1 loves to hug his friends goodbye. When it comes to family and friends it is good manners to say goodbye but we don't force the issue of hugging and kissing, that's his choice.
11-07-2012 10:23 #28
I ask DS if Nan/pop/Aunty R/Uncle S get a hug and kiss goodbye but if he doesnt want to then we dont force the issue. Sometimes he's playful than affectionate and will give a highfive/thumbs up/peace sign
11-07-2012 10:23 #29
I am a very affectionate person with my dh and kids but otherwise am not at all.
Mil always tries to make me kiss her and I feel very uncomfortable - more so when she gets the poos about me not returning the "I love you" at the end of a call or visit.
If I feel like this, why would I out my child through that?
No - I don't make them say anything or do anything that they arent comfortable with, however I do encourage a verbal hello and goodbye.
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11-07-2012 10:54 #30
No I would never force my kids, just as I would hate being forced myself.
I hug those I want to hug (DH, my girls, close friends and some family) and I'm not a very huggy touchy person or freely give away my "I love yous".
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