If that happens and I can see the child is uncomfortable I always say to give me a high five goodbye instead
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11-07-2012 08:33 #11
11-07-2012 08:33 #12
11-07-2012 08:34 #13
11-07-2012 08:36 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2006
No, never. I never force my children to be affectionate to others if they don't want to be. I will make them say hello or goodbye though!
11-07-2012 08:41 #15-
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
No, but I do ask them. They would never be told off if they didn't want to. I only ever ask the boys to kiss/cuddle immediate family, (grandparents, aunts, uncles) But I was brought up in a very European lifestyle so it is "normal" for us to kiss upon greeting, I'm 24 and still kiss and cuddle my grandparents and other family members when we see each other.
11-07-2012 08:44 #16
11-07-2012 08:54 #17
I hate when this happens. I don't force DS to hug/kiss people goodbye if he doesn't want to but when he doesn't people look at me like I should be doing something?!
He usually changes his mind but I let him decide that. Otherwise how will he be able to say no to a stranger if he learns he can't say no to anyone.
11-07-2012 08:57 #18
I reckon I am going to cop some flack over this when our baby is born and getting older. I really don't like pushing kids to kiss and cuddle goodbye, my nephews have always been forced to do it, when he was younger he didn't usually want to so I used to try and turn it into a game which always left him giggling, that way his mum and dad were appeased and it sort of diffused the discomfort.
I HATED being made to kiss and cuddle people goodbye, I was ok with grandparents, brothers and parents but I have a very large number of aunts/uncles and cousins and could never quite get my head around who was meant to be hugged goodbye and who wasn't. You could be guaranteed that on the times I just hugged everyone that someone would start taking the **** out of me.
I don't want to put my kids through that.
11-07-2012 09:31 #19
It depends on who it is. If it's my mum or sister then yeah I will ask him to give them a kiss goodbye because he doesn't get to see them often, and who knows when the next time will be?
I guess that's my "You never know what might happen" brain in action *chuckle*.
But if they're friends of mine and DH's that DS doesn't know that well or hasn't shown affection to during the visit then I won't push it. Generally he's easy to work out who he'll give a kiss or a hug to, because he'll physically touch them during the visit ie. tapping on the shoulder to hand a toy, or holding their hand to drag them somewhere to show them something.
If he does that, I know he's comfortable enough for a cuddle or kiss goodbye. Otherwise I don't push it.
But I do like to make sure that he gives my mum and my sister a kiss or a cuddle because I remember years ago my grandmother said to me "Your mum never kisses me hello or goodbye" and she was a bit upset by it because it made her feel like she wasn't important. I don't want my mum to have the same experiences, even though she's the one that does it to my grandmother lol.
11-07-2012 09:41 #20Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
What a relief to read this thread! I never make my kids kiss/cuddle anyone they don't want to, I think it's a dangerous message to enforce.
Afew weeks ago I was at a get-together and my friend tried to make her 6yo son give another friend a kiss and cuddle, he refused so she made him sit in the corner until he agreed to kiss them!!
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