Reading your pros and cons as being for "not clinic" conception, I'd like to comment that:
Pro 2 - knowing and having access to current information about donor is also true for clinic conception, if donor agrees.
Pro 3 - another male figure in baby's life is also true for clinic conception, if donor agrees.
Pro 4 - is also true for clinic conception.
Pro 7 - can also be true for clinic conception.
Pro 8 - can also be true for clinic conception, if donor agrees. We went with an anonymous donor who stated that he consents to contact both directly or mediated via clinic prior to our children turning 18. That preparedness for contact was something we wanted our children to be able to access if they so wished.
With regards to the cons 1 and 2,
Our clinic had compulsory implications counselling. Some sessions with donor and recipients separately, and at least 1 session with donor and recipients together for known donations (obviously no together sessions for anonymous donor). Those sessions include ensuring you all agree on the same boundaries.
The clinic also puts plenty of emphasis on, "the sperm belongs to the donor, but embryos belong to the intended parents." So if you retain a fear of donor backing out after your previous experience, then rather than skipping the health screen or quarantining sperm for 6 long months, you might be able to do IVF before quarantine is fully served (perhaps even using fresh sperm) and then freeze the embies for the remaining duration. Then even if donor does reclaim his sperm, you still have embies that are yours.
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02-07-2012 11:18 #41
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rainbow road (02-07-2012)
02-07-2012 11:21 #42
What a great post. Thank you felicita - gives me a lot more food for thought (because my head isn't already exploding!!!)
02-07-2012 11:41 #43Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
I would be very frightened to use a friend as a donor. Especially with all the changes in the government to do with us homosexuals at the moment. Also ppl can be unpredictable. Just because your friend is relaxed now about things now doesn't mean when baby is born he wants big say in all of your lives. I even had my donor telling me what schools kid had to go to, names he wanted etc thank god his desires showed before anything was finalized. He can even file for custody after bub was born even if you have a contract. And the way things are going if anything happens to u, he will get rights over the child as opposed to ur partner. Make him god father instead of biological it's to risky. Even if you go thru a clinic with him but agree to visitation or whatever the courts will look at all that!!!! And the extremist idea, you think you know someone but you have no idea what they are capable of. I've also read stories of women who use the known donor and the father plays a part in kids life and the mum is tired of them being involved by the time the kid is 2. The dad contributes no money, expects visitation as a fun uncle, makes a mess or doesnt agree on the same parenting style, expects to do all the dad stuff without really taking responsibility. How annoying would it be if on a special occasion for your child if their dad who you grow to hate has to hold the baby in all the pictures leaving you and your partner standing either side of him like he is some sort of idol on a pedal stool lmao. As awesome as it looks in your head that ur child could lead a normal life you won't be and it will constantly play up in your lifestyle like if your partner gets an awesome job in another place do u think daddy will let his kid move away, I don't think so. What happens if he gets a partner that you don't trust? What happens if his lifestyle changes and he starts partying and that? What happens if he is just one of them ppl that constantly loses interest and pops in and out of ur kids life when it suits him? Everything he does is going to effect you whether it be stress or he is too involved in your life or he has some annoying habits.
02-07-2012 12:25 #44
02-07-2012 12:49 #45
Firstly, he won't be 'daddy'. Our child will have two parents, myself and my partner.
He won't be the uncle that is over every day, he'll be the uncle we have a BBQ with once a month. I want him involved, not on my door step, and being in the ADF, he can't be *there* all the time anyway.
His lifestyle is none of my business, if he starts partying, so what? I like to party occasionally, too.
If he alludes to wanting to have a say in schooling etc. then we'd rethink. These are things we're considering already.
If he gets a new partner I don't like, so what? It's not as though he'll be having the child every second weekend. Visits would be decided by us, not him.
Also, I'm sure if his intention is to be a parent, not a donor, it'd become apparent quite quickly. The fact that he offered *after* I'd explained why we were going through a clinic (i.e. we wanted the clear boundaries and no chance of a third parent) suggests to me that in the 4 months since that conversation, he's probably thought about that as well, and decided he's okay with it.
Thanks for your post
Last edited by rainbow road; 02-07-2012 at 12:55.
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02-07-2012 12:52 #46
02-07-2012 14:29 #47
I have an 8 page word document here. Too much for one dinner? Maybe
Guess I'll stick to the main questions. If we agree on the big things, chances are we can work out the smaller things a little further down the track.
02-07-2012 14:36 #48
Check your emails :-)
02-07-2012 14:42 #49Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Well goodluck with whatever you choose to do
02-07-2012 16:22 #50
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